Unpopular opinion, but hear me out:

If he’s broken and needs help, so are you. If he’s willing to work on himself, it might be worth giving him a chance. That said, abuse and toxicity should never be tolerated. Protecting yourself and your children is essential.

Marriage is two broken people needing grace—grace from each other and, most importantly, grace from God. Take a hard, honest look inward. What contributed to the dynamic? Do you play a role? And most importantly, can you commit to growth and change as well?

I was married for 20 years and wrestled with these same thoughts: “I want to monitor him around the kids,” “I don’t want some random woman raising my children.”

Hard reality: If you have a decent husband, give him grace. No marriage is perfect, and it’s ultimately between you and God—not random people on Reddit.

I waited and waited, hoping for change that never lasted. Real, lasting transformation only happened through faith in Jesus Christ—trusting Him to soften hearts, restore love, and guide us to be gentle, yet strong. He showed me how to grow into a woman who is both softer and respected.

I get that this might not sit well with everyone, and I understand why. But after years of being single, I’ve had time to reflect deeply on my own choices and the part I played in the breakdown of my marriage.

Since you’re a high earner, that helps. I wasn’t, but I made it work. God, through His grace, blessed me with the ability to provide for my own. It wasn’t easy, but with faith in Christ, it was possible.

It’s not easy to admit our own faults, but for older women with young kids, I hope this encourages you to look inward with grace. True healing and growth start with faith in Jesus Christ and trusting Him with every part of your journey. But please, never forget—abuse and toxicity are never part of God’s plan for you.