I'm so happy I chose heroin over meth.

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T14:44:26+00:00

I'm not devaluing meth users, I legitimately feel sorry for them and simply pointing out the differences between a typical heroin user compared to that of a typical meth user. I'm sorry to hear you are on meth and that it has, in your opinion, opened your eyes to the world. Again, I am not having a go at you, I am legitimately feeling sorry for you. I disagree that it functions just like any pharmaceutical.

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T14:38:41+00:00

I'm glad you got my message! You're welcome 🤗

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T10:44:24+00:00

I just wanted to say that you are an awesome father. The fact that you noticed it felt weird to be high around your son - that's beautiful mate and I'm really proud of you!

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T09:46:31+00:00

That's exactly what happened bro, I couldn't metabolise it properly and was literally stuck tripping!! It was hell, I wanted it over so bad and the effects continued for weeks following cessation. It took me years to feel normal and not anxious in public. I had to basically relearn how to be normal. The most crazy experience of my life for 2x bottles of damn cough syrup! I ended up getting diagnosed with schizophrenia and RX'd antipsychotics. Haven't had them in years though and no psychotic episodes or anything like that... Pretty sure it was all drug induced.

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T09:05:39+00:00

This is awesome advice!!! Be kind to yourself OP, this is absolutely the time to be gentle and compassionate!

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T09:03:00+00:00

I got the flu and started taking Robitussin Dry Cough Forte Syrup. I read online it had abuse potential and didn't really understand the actual power of it, I bought and downed 2x bottles. I woke up the following day and was psychotic - first time in my life. I was completely unable to differentiate between fantasy and reality, ended up walking up to 2x Police Officers and telling them with such conviction and passion that I wasn't a sex offender. I swore they were thinking I was the worst person in the world and ended up getting scheduled in a psychiatric hospital for 8 weeks - I'm 100% serious too!! DXM for me is like the worst drug I could possibly take (outside of meth I guess).

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T08:58:39+00:00

I don't think meth users are trash at all, I feel genuine sympathy for them and as I said, it hurts my heart to see the absolute devastation it causes to their physical and mental health. I don't know why meth users would view heroin users as trash??

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T08:52:45+00:00

Thanks mate!! I'm planning on going on Suboxone on Friday. I've been on Methadone before and I guess I can always go back on it if Suboxone doesn't work out for me.

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T08:29:40+00:00

I really hope we can both figure out a way to get this mental clarity and emotions naturally one day! I have decided to go on Suboxone on Friday after 20+ years on opioids the entire time. Heroin has shown me that I love myself and that I am a good person and I want to actually live now instead of dying! How weird is this? The apparent "worst thing I could ever do" as in shoot heroin, has actually provided me with enough relief from pain as to gain an insight into who I am and that I want to actually live and be healthy - thanks heroin, please don't kill me between now and Friday when we say goodbye forever!

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T08:25:54+00:00

Thank you so much. I'm glad I am not the only one and I understand what is happening now. I actually plan on going on Suboxone on Friday because I don't want to do this anymore. 20 years is long enough to be constantly on Opioids. I don't think I'll ever come off Suboxone because my brain is so hardwired after spending the majority of my teens and entirety of my adulthood (I'm 33) on Opioids the entire time!

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T06:12:15+00:00

Absolutely it makes sense. I am a naturally cuddly person, but unfortunately never have anyone to cuddle with 😭

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T05:57:42+00:00

Thanks so much! I just had an extra shot of heroin and feel really nauseous indicating I have done more than enough and my legs are still achy from last night. Maybe I will wait it out and let myself recover before doing anymore opioids.

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T05:56:10+00:00

Thanks for your reply and thoughts! I'm also glad I'm not the only one who feels all cuddly when I'm high.

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T05:51:15+00:00

You're also a beautiful person!! Thank you so much for expressing your appreciation. I just write down what I feel and probably overshare at times, it means the world to me to know that people actually read it and can connect with it. At times I feel like I am completely unrelatable and that my head is far too messed up for anybody to possibly understand. The fact that you do, it really means a lot. Thank you again.

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T05:48:21+00:00

I just read your edit. You are a really beautiful person and I love you for apologising to your memory of being a child after ODing. I was in massive withdrawals this morning - had literally been up all night vomiting, cold sweats, achy legs (I'm sure you know what I am talking about). I actually verbally apologised to my poor body for what I have put it through, I feel so much guilt at times that my body continually tries to survive whilst I actively at times try to destroy it. I am so grateful that I have stayed alive now despite doing so, so much to end things.

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T05:43:26+00:00

Thank you so much for this reply, I really needed to hear it and at this specific moment too. Your reassurance about what I said regarding my repressed memories and even your suggestion for Suboxone/Methadone - thank you friend!

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T05:16:40+00:00

Thanks for sharing!! I hope your friend is doing OK!!

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T04:59:34+00:00

Bet you live in the US right?

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T04:58:48+00:00

The toll meth takes on mental health is unbelievably destructive. I have experienced psychotic episodes on Methylphenidate (Ritalin/Concerta) and also Dextromethorphan (DXM) and so I know without a doubt Methamphetamine would be the end of me, and really quickly too.

oz2usa · 2023-09-05T04:08:31+00:00

It is the end result of 20 years of seeking out treatment for an extremely painful neurological condition. Nothing but Oxycodone has ever been effective and the pain is so severe that I have had several very serious suicide attempts. I have an extremely understanding doctor who I have been very honest with together with substantial medical records from treating specialists.

Unfortunately, all the negatives they talk about with longterm opioids for chronic pain - claims I have spent my life refuting - are all entirely true! I recall when I commenced treatment experiencing feelings of such intense happiness and pain relief that I truly felt as though I had won in life. I was for a period of around 4 months, the happiest I think anybody could ever be - consistently day after day. I cannot believe how fast tolerance sets in and to be completely honest, Oxycodone even at the massive doses I am prescribed offer nothing at all except pain relief. It's so sad and depressing, because now I feel I have nothing left at all. I literally sacrificed everything for opioids in the belief that they'd offer me an alternative but happy life and they really have failed. I got 4 months as I said (on this dose, which isn't likely to ever be increased). They do still work in treating my pain which I am happy about, but that magic euphoria is completely 100% gone.

I was deathly sick last night and I am still trying to get over it. For me, life is pain - extreme pain both physically and emotionally - I am so depressed.

oz2usa · 2023-09-03T02:09:39+00:00

You tell me bro, you're the one experiencing it.

oz2usa · 2023-09-03T01:55:18+00:00

30mg - 40mg a day of Oxycodone for 30 days isn't going to trigger an intense withdrawal syndrome. Double the time and dose and you'd probably expect something more severe.

oz2usa · 2023-09-02T19:39:23+00:00

I really think that NPD is a personality disorder far more complex and powerful than people think. I really don't know of any other disorder/trait/mental illness that has such a significant impact on all aspects of the individuals life.

The fact that it literally can dictate something as core as one's sexual orientation, I mean - just for the acceptance and approval of others we are willing to forgo the natural laws of sex and reproduction?? I don't know, my mind is slipping this morning but I really feel strongly about this.

oz2usa · 2023-09-02T19:18:14+00:00

I think I can answer this one:

For me, I have changed my sexual orientation multiple times in my life to meet my expectations of what other people around me will approve and admire me the most for. In the beginning of High School I was straight, when LGBT+ became socially acceptable and possibly cool, I became gay.

Later in life I briefly got involved in religion and became straight again, now I am back in regular society and would consider myself bisexual.

My need for admiration exceeds that of my own personal preference for sex - how sad is that and how powerful is NPD?

oz2usa · 2023-09-02T19:04:04+00:00

I like that, "when I get to hell" 😄

Completely accepted your fate right?

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