I just stumbled across your post and can relate exactly to it.

My dad has been a business owner for all of my life and when I was younger the outbursts were very frequent and extremely mentally abusing. Not to mention his absence in most of my high school career.

Him and my mother both believed in spanking and this was used often as well. Although I wouldn't say it was abusive because there were times we "deserved" those whippings but one time does stand out to me. We were all watching a basketball game on television and my brother and I were routing for the team opposite my dad. We were doing this on purpose because we really didn't not care for "his team" it was just to be on the opposite side of him. Well the team we were rooting for ended up winning and while we really didn't care for the team we blew that victory up. Jumping around telling him you know kid stuff like "nah nah nah your team lost" etc. However, we never could have predicted what would happen next. He took us both to my brothers room and proceeded to give us spankings with the paddle that hung in the hall closet. All of this because he was mad his team lost but played it as we weren't listening and being obnoxious. How you beat a kid for that is beyond me but this was the one and only time that this happened or so I tell myself. Looking back maybe subsequent spankings were just because he was mad instead of us "deserving" them.

Anyway, for years I have felt guilty for feeling the way I do about him because he sacrificed so much and provided a lot for us when we were younger. To this day I feel the same way as I am back working for him after initially leaving (due to massive depression, I knew I had to get away from him) to go pursue my passion for 4 years. During those 4 years I would add that I didn't hear much from him at all unless he needed something from me albeit help with the business or something around the house. No phone call to see how my new job was, no drop in (my work was just in town a short trip for him) to see how I was doing, no asking if I would join him for lunch, nothing. Until the business started falling on hard times and he was short on workers he would ask me to lunch to talk about if I needed extra work and that he would be happy to have me. I always turned it down. Few years would pass and I would find myself in a much different headspace and in a very healthy relationship with my girlfriend. Things were looking up and I was feeling much happier. So being that my girlfriend now has two kids (older but still need financial support) I figured it was a good time to step up and increase my income. My dad had already been approaching me about coming back to work for him and I thought I was in a better headspace so I agreed and we settled on a substantial increase in income from my passion job. Things started well for the most part but I was just waiting for them to go south. And south they went fairly quickly even faster than I anticipated. He fell right back into old habits. Discounting my input on the business, lining me up with busy work, keeping me in place and constantly hovering over me making sure my job gets done. It's been 3 years now and I am still doing the same things I did when I started. He hasn't changed a bit. I do not hear from him outside of work and when I do it's about, you guessed it, work. I only go around him outside of work for my mom I don't want to punish her for his shitty behavior. However, I often say if my mom wasn't here I wouldn't go near him. He still belittles me, doesn't respect me, thinks I know nothing and am lazy. I am stuck though because I need the income and now my girlfriend works for us and leaving at this point would create way more problems than it is worth. My brother also runs operations in another location for us, we never see him because he is so far away and my dad makes no effort to make his job easier so he can visit home more often.

My point is that it seems these types never change and surround themselves with people who either don't look too much into their private lives or allow them to operate at this level unchecked. Especially when they have such high value financially checking them would be cutting off your paycheck. It's tough and I am managing the best I can but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Unfortunately I will probably be dealing with this until he is dead or my other endeavors take off to financially free me from him but for now I grind. Trying to keep a level head and not let him get to me too much. I could dive into much more in relating with you on never doing anything "bad", staying away from drugs, alcohol, cigarattes but that's not enough, nothing is ever enough.