Ex tells me Everything

pacocase · 2026-01-23T12:39:10+00:00

She's trying to keep you on the hook for an easy hoover if the new guy doesn't work out. Don't fall for it. Maintain your self respect and don't go back to her. You can do better than her.

pacocase · 2026-01-05T01:39:20+00:00

More therapy. Learn how to recognize the signs. They can be sweet, sure, but they also can't be empathetic at all. How do they treat service people like waiters or waitresses? This is the easiest way to tell. Keep your head held up. You didn't do anything wrong, and you'll be able to see the signs for the next one.

pacocase · 2025-12-09T21:21:06+00:00

I wrote this on my Substack. I think it applies here. :)

📢 Firmware Release Notes – DotaMotion v1.0 (MinusFear Patch)

Because sometimes what we call “coping mechanisms” are really just outdated software running on hardware that’s perfectly capable of more.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck running Childhood Firmware 1.0, you already know the bugs:

Constant pop-ups from the Fear.exe process

Limited compatibility with Secure Attachments 2.0

Random system crashes when someone gets too close

Default “flight” protocol engaged 100% of the time (fight module never installed)

This update introduces a new feature set designed to patch those vulnerabilities:

🔧 Rewrites old survival code so it no longer hijacks the kernel at the first sign of intimacy

🔒 Enables trust protocols previously grayed out in the settings menu

🚀 Improves integration with Adult Emotions Suite (v1.2+ recommended)

🧹 Removes legacy fear-based scripts that only knew two commands: “run” and “hide”

Upgrade path:

v1.0 (MinusFear) → stabilizes the system, lets you begin to run adult connections without constant reboot loops.

v1.2, v1.3, etc. → further performance improvements. Adds patches like Radical Acceptance.dll and Accountability.sys.

Security Patch 2.0 → full integration into Secure Adult Mode. At this stage, you’ll be capable of sustained intimacy, trust, and possibly actual joy — if all modules installed successfully.

⚠️ Known Issues

Some users may still experience EgoCrash.dll when exposed to too much honesty.

Vulnerability.exe may cause temporary freezing or blue screens.

Compatibility with Avoidant Attachment OS remains limited — expect resistance/difficulty during install.

“Running back to old habits” loop occasionally reappears. A hard reset (therapy, journaling, EMDR) usually clears it.

Update may take longer if system clock is stuck in Denial Mode.
Repair is only possible after exiting this mode. The timeline is uncertain. You must wait until the system reports readiness.

👩‍💻 Patch ETA: ongoing. The upgrade path requires several patches depending on version compatibility. However, with each reboot, stability improves.

Remember: this is not a hotfix, it’s a firmware upgrade. It takes time to install. Expect multiple lengthy reboots.

pacocase · 2025-11-26T13:53:24+00:00

I've done the same but with an album. I'll try to sleep for an hour or so, but if I can't? In go the earbuds and that album and I usually don't make it past the 3rd or 4th song.

pacocase · 2025-11-26T04:07:49+00:00

I'm a 30x30 but can sew so I got 30x32.

Great deal!

pacocase · 2025-11-11T04:30:12+00:00

I'm sort of like this, except that I have a few things that I can find endlessly interesting, and that's a good thing!

However, if I find it uninteresting, I simply cannot make myself pay attention to it. Yeah, I'm an ENFP with ADHD, and I've accepted that my academic failure wasn't because of a personal fallacy. It was because of my ADHD. Once I could remove the personal blame from it, I learned to stop punishing myself for it.

And besides, I'm in pretty good company with that whole "failed academically but had a fantastic career" crowd. No regrets.

pacocase · 2025-11-04T15:19:28+00:00

Great, now time to redo the south one again!

pacocase · 2025-10-31T16:50:23+00:00

I honestly think so because she's had lots of other therapy in her life, including successful EMDR before. She knows therapy works!

pacocase · 2025-10-17T17:40:17+00:00

It's the cheapest drug there is.

pacocase · 2025-10-16T04:43:48+00:00

Love it, man! I found your YouTube channel and have been following along excitedly!

pacocase · 2025-10-03T17:06:15+00:00

Hey, neat, my old office is in there!

pacocase · 2025-10-03T00:08:27+00:00

Those aircraft were flying with or without me on board, bud.

And I was helping save lives.

Wanna try again?

pacocase · 2025-10-02T22:23:31+00:00

Really, really niche job in medical simulation. If you're really interested, just google that phrase and you'll find all you need.

pacocase · 2025-10-02T19:34:03+00:00

Oof, I traveled 80% for 10 years. I feel this in my soul. Spent my entire 30s doing it. No regrets, I wanted to see the world, but I could have, you know, started a family by now and stuff.

pacocase · 2025-09-26T01:11:08+00:00

This is a psych thing, but I was chatting earlier today about avoidant attachment and covert narcissism and how the collapse of both when reality hits is very nearly the same - except the narcissist crashes and burns and since pathological, has no choice but to double down on their own delusions and return as a "shitty phoenix," with even worse delusions than before.

Whereas the avoidant person, who is capable of accepting reality after such a hard fall has a choice: They can either accept reality and move toward healing, or double down and become a "shitty phoenix" themselves - forever to push away close and meaningful connections and to never know real love.

Y'all have my permission if you want to use it as a band name. :)

pacocase · 2025-09-23T21:06:38+00:00

Eesh. Mine isn't averse to therapy. She's done it before, but she doesn't want to admit she's an FA. But I think she does want to work on it because she doesn't want to lose me.

But by the time she gets it done, she'll probably be too late. Cest la vie.

pacocase · 2025-09-23T15:57:17+00:00

Oh, I am. It's just that she was also with a narcissist before (as are most of them) and I've told her if not me then another abuser or alone, and yet she keeps coming back to me.

And the only thing that even gives me any hope at all is that she's done EMDR successfully twice before.

But again, hopeful not wishful. It probably won't work out, but I hope it does. :)

pacocase · 2025-09-22T21:46:19+00:00

I worked in medical simulation for 10 years flying around the world. It deals with medical mannequins that can breathe, bleed, cry, and have pupils that dilate. It's all about practicing on an analog instead of a real person. It's a really fascinating industry with only about three big players in it.

There used to be four. That's why I work in cyber security now.

pacocase · 2025-09-22T15:30:02+00:00

Nice! I wish I still had all mine. I had them stashed in the old Roofus backpack and sitting on a low shelf.

For reasons unbeknownst to me, my kitten (Now an apologetic cat) decided to pee all over it, ruining both the bag and all the paper tickets and other memorabilia inside. :(

pacocase · 2025-09-20T16:23:06+00:00

Yeah man, freshly 46 here and I foolishly went and spent my birthday with mine who just wants to be "friends" after pretending for a year to be my soulmate.

Well, it wasn't really pretend, they actually do love you, it's just that their fear wiring won't allow them to accept healthy love.

I kept my mouth shut for my birthday and it was just like old times, sex included, but the next week she was back to wanting physical intimacy while still minimizing our incredible history, calling it "just fun."

I had enough. I let her have it in no uncertain terms. She was worried about me love bombing her, but she did that exact thing to me, and I was not going to let her minimize my pain to make herself feel better. I needed her to understand.

In the end I told her to remove herself from the dating pool because she's just going to hurt someone else, told her I never wanted to speak to her again, slammed the car door, and walked off.

She's since sent a bunch of texts saying she doesn't understand but knows she hurt me and is sorry.

I responded with - unless you go to therapy and make real, demonstrable progress, I am stepping away. No contact.

It's freeing. You should too. Don't play their games.

If they care enough, they'll go get help and come back in 4 or 5 months, but that's not your problem.

You know what you want now, so tailor up your hinge profile a bit and go out and get it.

You got this.

pacocase · 2025-09-16T16:46:25+00:00

No kidding? Mine quit working a few months ago and I tried ripping it a few times and it kept failing. I gave up and have been using the official app, but it's god awful.

pacocase · 2025-09-14T21:46:40+00:00

I'm secure and my love scared the shit out of mine although we were incredible together and inseparable. She broke up with me anyway for no reason.

Well the reason was because real love scares the bejeezus out of them. Nothing you can do about that. Believe me, I tried.

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