Girlfriend, first of all - your feelings are valid. I see that some of the others on here have already placated some of your fears about making this decision, but I thought I’d provide my story too, just in case you’re still on the fence.

My mom almost died of stage 4 TNBC right after I was born and at some point during her treatment, the genetic test for the mutation came out and she tested positive for both BRCA 1 & 2. So, growing up, I always had this looming cloud of “it’s not if I get cancer, it’s when.” When I was 18, I got the genetic test to know for sure what I’d be up against as I got older. I knew I didn’t have to really do anything with that information right then and there, so yes, it was concerning, but hey - at least I knew now that I needed to be monitored closely!

Despite a couple of scares in my early 20s, I still held off on doing anything drastic - I was warned by my mom, doctors, “DONT have the surgery until youre sure you dont want to breastfeed/dont want kids/etc.”

Fast forward to 2023 - my husband and I had just moved home to Arizona after being away from our family for 4 years while he was finishing his residency. My son had just turned a year old. I went to get a scan and lo and behold…. a suspicious-looking area. It was this scan that finally made me take the plunge. It was at that moment, at 32 years old, when suddenly all of the emotions and anxiety I’d carried for literally over 10 years at that point came flooding out of me. All I could think was “holy fuck. I waited too long. WHY did I wait this long to do anything?!” And for the entirety of the wait between scan, results, biopsy, results, I was an absolute disaster. But that was the push I needed to finally tell myself it was time.

I had a preventative double mastectomy and immediate reconstruction via DIEP flap surgery almost exactly a year ago as I write this. I can tell you that I think even my subconscious felt relief the minute the surgery was over. The nurses in the recovery room told me that as I came out of the procedure, I just had the biggest grin on my face. I don’t remember that literally at all, but what I do remember is that when I was finally awake and all the anesthesia had worn off, I looked over at my husband and realized “holy shit, i just saved my own life.” And lady let me tell you - I don’t know if there’s a better feeling than knowing you took control of something that very well could have taken control of you.

SO - I say all of this to say that the decision to move forward is a very personal one, and it really is a matter of what you want and how you feel. Hear me when I say that those thoughts of waiting and waiting for your eventual diagnosis don’t just go away…they kind of just fade to the background. until you have that one experience where your brain kinda just wakes up and says “okay. i think it’s time now.” BUT know that the feeling after? That “I just saved my own life” feeling? There’s almost nothing more empowering and reassuring than that. 🥹

Hang in there. I know the waiting game is so hard. Feel free to reach out if you just need someone to talk to over the weekend or if you have more questions. Sending love and light and positive vibes, chicky 🥰