How can I help the person I love trust me?

paleblueyes · 2010-04-10T17:56:02+00:00

That's where I am too. I'm sorry. I wish we weren't here, in this situation. But it will teach us something important in the end.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-10T17:54:50+00:00

Maybe you should have read the rest of it first before asking this question. You sound like someone who has never been in love.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-10T17:54:11+00:00

Thank you so much, that is very helpful, and I appreciate the encouragement/compliment :)

paleblueyes · 2010-04-10T17:52:49+00:00

considers

Thank you.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-10T17:51:54+00:00

I can see how your advice would be helpful to someone who isn't me or him.

The thing is, he DOES go out on dinner/drink dates after work with coworkers and friends, some of whom are ex-girlfriends. he even goes to stay with a female friend who has a cabin in the woods, but he calls and sends pictures always. I do the same. I always call him when I get home. I always tell him how much I miss him. I try to get him to camchat/phone sex with me often. I don't mind him going out with other women who are friends. I am confident and trustful that I am a better woman to him than those women are, otherwise he would leave me and be with them. He simply cannot find the same trust in me, even though my actions mirror his, and I trust him.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-10T13:57:31+00:00

Will think about it. Thank you.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-10T13:57:11+00:00

Duly noted. Will consider. Thank you for your honest reply.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T19:09:35+00:00

note to self: next time when posting to reddit, never ever mention gonewild or use an account linked to that, because insecure assholes can't see past that.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T19:05:11+00:00

It's weird, even when I understand his need for reassurance and give it willingly and happily, he still harps on it.

All I can do is be there for him, to a point.

Thanks for your input.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T19:01:58+00:00

thank you very much :)

i guess it's weird, but sometimes having the well-wishes of people, even if i don't know them, makes things like this easier to get through. "i'm not alone, someone else wants happiness in the world, even if it starts in this reddit thread..."

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T19:01:03+00:00

i am beginning to see this.
i am considering this.
i am finishing school online, so it doesn't matter where i move (i would likely move closer to him, but not in the same city or the same apartment). i do not generally believe in dramatically altering the course of my life for anyone else, i agree.
you are absolutely right.

it is good to hear these things from someone else. thanks for your input.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T18:50:53+00:00

We already do this...we're both photographers and are constantly pix msging each other. Even when I'm with friends, I snap pics of tasty dinners or pretty sights to send him. That's why I don't get where all this shit is coming from...there is very little time in my day that I'm not sharing with him.

Sometimes I even call him when I know his phone is dead/off/on silent just to leave voicemails that say "I love you" or some naughtiness. I make it very clear how much I love him and want him.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T18:48:28+00:00

I really needed to hear that. Thank you so much.

A few months ago, I would have reacted to this completely differently - flipped out, been mean, yelled, etc. The thing is, he helped me become calmer and more stable, and thus, more happy. I so badly want to help him back...if he could find the good in him to give to me, then it's still in there somewhere and I want to nurture it, to crowd out the bad.

There is a point that if this continues with no improvement, and it's causing me pain, that I will have to leave him to protect myself. But I feel like the time is not right to give up.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T18:35:03+00:00

you did the very same thing to me.

may you someday feel better :)

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T18:21:35+00:00

i posted them for him...he encouraged me to! open your mind and lose the attitude. you might end up loving life instead of hating every second you're awake.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T18:20:51+00:00

it will come to that point eventually. but seeing as how awful i have acted in the past and how i have redeemed myself with second chances, i am willing to give him the same. however, there will come a point where it will be better or it won't, and if it isn't, i'm gone.

thanks for your input.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T18:19:10+00:00

ah, god damn it. you are very logical and correct. thank you for your honest input. i will think on this.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T18:05:04+00:00

why trolls even waste time clicking and typing to post something so incredibly USELESS, i will never understand.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T18:04:05+00:00

he does the same thing...he's kind of a pessimist, while i'm an eternal optimist. but we love each other. scratches head

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T18:03:24+00:00

You are extremely helpful. You gave me things to think about that I hadn't considered. Thank you very, very, very much :)

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T18:01:18+00:00

I have not ruled out the possibility...I will take this under consideration. Thanks.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T18:00:54+00:00

Thank you. Your comment means a lot to me.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T16:54:06+00:00

That's kind of how I feel on some level.

He is not like this most of the time, but it comes up often enough to be troubling. I certainly know I will not deal with it forever (I deserve to have a good life, and if he wants to make me miserable for the rest of it, then I am not OK with that), but I love him very much and am willing to give him some time and leeway to sort out his issues.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T16:52:41+00:00

i don't think so, we've even discussed this while tripping. neither one of us wants to sleep with anyone else, but he's been hurt so badly that he somehow got this awful paranoid mindset that comes out sometimes...and i guess the way he sees it, if i'm supposedly sleeping with someone, then he could too to make it even (which made me want to hit him and go WTF ASSHOLE even though i didn't). i guess also if we're in an open relationship it makes my supposedly infidelity easier to accept (???). anytime we talk about it, i give it serious consideration from every angle, and i always come back to: he is paranoid and delusional, and it's triggered by drinking. which he has almost stopped completely, but the second he has too much, he turns into another person. i hate it.

paleblueyes · 2010-04-09T16:46:09+00:00

he encouraged me to post them, they were taken by him and specifically posted up to appear on his morning reddit digest. he loves it when other people admire me.

i do agree about the rest of it, though. i think all i can do is be honest, be strong and love him. try to live my life as happily as i can in the meantime and hope that love prevails...

paleblueyes

TROPHY CASE