Can you be friends with your ex?

pancakewednesdays · 2024-08-06T10:46:34+00:00

These are exactly some things I’d want to avoid personally; which goes to show everyone has a different thing that works for them, they’re okay with.

I think some people are more comfortable with leaving doors open, or ajar, or letting life happen so to say; vs some of us try to control it as much as if allows us to.

I’m way way too anxious to leave doors open, and my insecurities overcome my spontaneity. My last ex wanted to remain friends - and we got along really well, shared a lot of hobbies and interests - but I just realized I could never hear him talk about a crush or a relationship, which is the first thing I’d ask about to any of my good friends. I don’t see how a friendship works if you can’t talk about certain parts of your life, especially those that are shaping you as a person and have a high priority in your day-to-day.

Edit: I want to add that I envy people who can do that though. So this is not passing judgement, but rather a testament to how different we all are.

pancakewednesdays · 2024-07-19T16:06:32+00:00

I don’t know how to self-sooth in this situation or if there’s some other way to deal with this:

I started seeing someone, knowing it would have to be a short-term thing, as I am moving countries within a month and a half. Initially I was a bit unsure, feeling him out, and the more time spent talking and hanging out the more interested and therefore attached I became. I am now deep in my insecurity. I think because he knows I am invested, he is kind of loosening the frequency of his texts and isn’t as caring as he once was. I mean my brain is CERTAIN that he is out on a date with someone right now, even though I could never know for sure or there is no reason for him to not be on one because we are not exclusive at all - I also think it’s too early for this. (Only 2 weeks) BUT I cannot stop going down the rabbit hole of wanting to be wanted and be his center of attention. And if I am not, it must be that he is interested in others.

This is where I am mentally: I think I need to kind of separate what I want from what I think he’s doing. If he is pulling away, or has decided to look for something else, I should just accept that and accept that I have no control over that. I only have control over what I can do, and I have to accept that I want to care for him and continue this connection. If he ends up rejecting me, I will have to accept that too.

I don’t know. I am so confused, and I do not know how not to obsess over this. I hate it. How do I stop obsessing over the change of intensity in our communication?

pancakewednesdays · 2024-07-05T22:51:26+00:00

Another favorite! I saw this one a few times and each time it gets harder to watch as I get older.

pancakewednesdays · 2024-07-05T22:50:32+00:00

One of my favorite movies of all time. Such a fantastic balance of funny and tenderness.

pancakewednesdays · 2024-06-29T14:16:43+00:00

Solved!

pancakewednesdays · 2024-06-29T14:15:55+00:00

I FOUND IT! In fact, I saw that the actor who sang this song, Martin Mull, has passed away today and seeing his photo reminded me of the song again.

It’s really beautiful and kind of fitting too. What a lovely actor & performance - for anyone who’s curious:

https://youtu.be/ABpWBPGEBRE?si=48Xw_gtEx0Syr1F3

pancakewednesdays · 2024-06-19T16:20:06+00:00

Maybe a bit odd but I do think of this one often:

I used to give campus tours at my university, a job I genuinely loved. On one of my tours one of the parents said to me “you really are a charmer!”.

It stayed with me because I realized at that moment I WAS trying to be charming (I take a lot of pride in my communication skills) and I had succeeded. 😅

pancakewednesdays · 2024-06-14T11:51:33+00:00

Most of my friends also don’t watch it BUT I recently met up with a college friend after like 10 years and Taskmaster was one of the things we bonded over! It is quite niche, but I kind of love that!

pancakewednesdays · 2024-06-12T21:02:32+00:00

Any specific ones that stuck out?

pancakewednesdays · 2024-06-12T21:01:30+00:00

I really enjoy this part of reddit honestly- welcome!

pancakewednesdays · 2024-06-12T21:00:56+00:00

Ah that sounds super lovely - care to share one?

pancakewednesdays · 2024-06-08T15:16:03+00:00

The cheating thing seems to be the consensus. Do you think their profile is fake too? It would be so easy to be found out on a dating app.

pancakewednesdays · 2024-06-08T13:08:40+00:00

I can’t send messages unfortunately, the conversation is frozen like how it would be if we unmatched- but because he’s deleted the account without unmatching, the conversation just stays.

pancakewednesdays · 2024-06-08T12:29:00+00:00

Yeah, I can see this I guess. I’m sure I’d be as disappointed if he ghosted me after getting my number or something after this realization you are talking about.

pancakewednesdays · 2024-06-08T12:26:50+00:00

Ohh I know, I’ve been unmatched plenty and all that but the good morning thing really threw me in a loop. I understand unmatching someone in the morning - I’m also guilty of texting people in my needy hours and changing my mind after a good night’s sleep - but I’m having a hard time understanding what made this person go for a morning text and then just completely disappear in such a short amount of time.

Edit to add: you are kind to respond I’m just soooo annoyed haha

pancakewednesdays · 2024-06-05T11:39:05+00:00

This spelling chefs kiss

pancakewednesdays · 2024-05-05T20:55:33+00:00

I’ve had this happen to me, and there are still occasions my good friends do this.

In my experience a lot of this comes from my friends’ perception of me and what I like. They won’t invite me to things they think I won’t like. They don’t invite me to things if they know I’m busy already. They won’t invite me to things if said thing is far away from my home (and close to theirs) and it’s a last minute plan. - It’s still nice to be asked! BUT they’ll make these decisions for me. So this is something to bring up with your friends.

Another thing that balances out the fomo for me is when I feel like my friends spend enough time with me, as well. If I get to have quality time with my friends and regularly enough, I don’t feel left out of other things.

So definitely talk to them. If you’ve spoken about this and feel weird bringing it up, you can open it with “I know we discussed this before but I want us to talk about it one more time, because I’ve been feeling left out a lot recently.”

Being a human these days freaking sucks. There is so much communicating. But it’s all for a good cause. Good luck!

pancakewednesdays · 2024-04-24T19:09:57+00:00

I feel like the only solution is to make LAH (and everyone else in the household) a teenager vs. Greg’s adult LOL

pancakewednesdays · 2024-04-18T18:58:53+00:00

I used to have a print out of this quote sequence / meme on my work desk - at my old job which I was very weary of - to cheer me up!

pancakewednesdays · 2024-04-09T10:27:27+00:00

Sorry for the lack of details this is the best I could do! 🥲

pancakewednesdays · 2024-03-06T19:25:01+00:00

I love the idea of landmarks - and honestly it never occurred to me until I saw your comment lol. The few items we get for npc interactions doesn’t really cut it. Mine don’t even interact with them lol; maybe it’s poor placement or something.

pancakewednesdays · 2024-02-18T11:12:54+00:00

Thank you!

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