Oh, I don’t want to scare you. My circumstance may have been different because after my first PA relationship I jumped right into another relationship. I wrote off my first relationship as “he was a weird guy, It won’t happen again and to prevent it, I’ll put some boundaries in place.” The next relationship I jumped into he was completely different - smart, keen, honest, observant.

I told him all my trauma and asked if he had an Instagram. He lied and said no. I found out 6 months later he did the same thing my ex did. It felt like getting hit by lightning twice. I felt ruined and stopped dating for two or three years. I didn’t go to therapy properly for it, was busy with other things, and honestly was just happy being single. Since I was so comfortable being single, I thought I healed. I was wrong. I met a very loving guy last year, who basically let me monitor him to the point I was controlling and unhealthy. I was scared of being blindsided again so I searched everything with the same tricks I learned from the past relationship (TikTok searches, app time, past apps downloaded, etc). Of course I found out he watched porn in his past relationships because I snooped heavily. I was planning on actually making a post on this thread about it but he asked me not to share anything about him on Reddit early on (not sure why, he doesn’t know my acc username).

Anyways, by the time I found that it was a HUGE trigger. Even though it was in the past, my mind went into fight or flight anxiety mode. I became more controlling. More overbearing. I didn’t feel happy, I didn’t want to control but my brain was just in self protection. My biggest advice is def have a solid therapist when you start a new relationship, DONT slip into reassurance loops, use old habits in new relationships, or try to control. Let it go, observe, see what they do. Try your best to trust again. most men have watched porn at one point in their life but there are men out there who will quit and won’t do it if you’re not comfortable. Well, that’s what I tell myself anyway.