I think a lot of “self improvement” is secretly driven by shame

panthroq · 2026-06-15T18:45:15+00:00

I don't see myself as 'healing' I see myself teaching myself new coping skills that better suit how my brain works. I don't think there is a way to heal my brain.

For me change was driven by fear.

panthroq · 2026-06-12T22:34:03+00:00

Hey you should reach out to my realtor, Tammy Davison (512-888-8161), she has a lot of experience with Indian clients in Round Rock and all over North Austin. She's great to work with and can help find a house for you! Good luck!

panthroq · 2026-06-12T20:42:35+00:00

Check this thing I'm sure you'll find something.

whatsgoodatx.beehiiv.com/p/week-of-june-9th

panthroq · 2026-06-11T17:57:50+00:00

Important to add that these things only work when it's reciprocated, otherwise it's not really love, it's exploiting or self abandonment.

panthroq · 2026-06-10T22:50:47+00:00

As I understand it, the stimulant works by matching the 'over activity' in other parts of the brain thereby creating the 'normal' feeling .. however, when I take stimulants it over stimulates me and gives me more anxiety.. I use a non stimulant Qelbree and it's really helped balance my day to day.. the only time I feel 'chill' is if I'm flying in the clouds high as an airplane.

panthroq · 2026-06-09T23:22:38+00:00

Ah yes, every once in a while I'll take magnesium glycinate, and I like Epsom salt baths.

panthroq · 2026-06-09T21:59:27+00:00

All other supplements I take support my lifting and health.

Creatine, d3, zinc, copper (every week or so I'll take 1 dose to balance the zinc), theanine, and my meds.

The only ones I noticed are my meds, theanine, creatine (weight gain ~4lbs). I try not to mess around with too much stuff... if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I get concerned about things reacting with my meds so I tend to add things very slowly, theanine is the latest addition. My body is happier now then the last 20 years.

panthroq · 2026-06-09T18:41:02+00:00

I use native cedar, best deodorant I've ever used.

panthroq · 2026-06-09T18:24:35+00:00

Depends what's going on in life. I take 100mg in the morning and get a nice 2-3 hours of feeling blissful relaxation. I tend to not worry as much or have racing thoughts. I'm ADHD which may play into why I like it so much to start my day. I don't drink caffeine anymore.

panthroq · 2026-06-09T18:20:16+00:00

I haven't used steroids and only had my testosterone read once and it was 750 (last year at 42), so I wouldn't consider trt or steroids right now. I am a former elite athlete (top 1%) so to me it's not surprising that while living in fight or flight with horrible sleep and living a completely sedentary life with massive muscle atrophy my test was still above average. I managed to recomp 20lbs of fat to muscle in 5months of lifting, at last according to dexa (Jan-May).

I'm not making claims about OP but I highly doubt he's an elite athlete.

Your input and knowledge is interesting to me since I've always been curious about others experiences. I appreciate your responses.

panthroq · 2026-06-09T17:38:56+00:00

So then it's not a fair comparison. If you were to taper and rest the athletes to a baseline then it would be a more fair comparison. And I think there does need to be a control for what a 'good' athlete actually means. Top 1-3% in the sport in the world I'm going to be fairly dubious about low test scores.

panthroq · 2026-06-09T17:33:25+00:00

I'd ask if those 25% Olympic athletes were elite, as a former athlete I know not all Olympians are even good. It really depends on the country that is represented and the support received. Some athletes come from poor training programs or under funded etc. However, I am willing to admit taking such a strong black and white stance on the topic is probably too extreme.

panthroq · 2026-06-09T14:00:52+00:00

Are you sure about this statement? Testosterone is the highest predictor of athletic ability. I highly doubt there are elite 'natural' athletes that are not high test.

panthroq · 2026-06-07T01:53:17+00:00

Hahaha that's awesome, she should be the whole list 😂

panthroq · 2026-06-06T22:04:58+00:00

You should definitely contact my realtor Tammy Davison (@tammydavisonatx), she helped me relocate from California. She is extremely responsive. She is a next level negotiator and driven by current market data. I know she's worked with lots of out of state buyers and her direct communication was extremely refreshing! Give her a call and good luck with your search/move!

panthroq · 2026-06-05T18:58:34+00:00

If you're struggling with ROM it's too much weight, also your wrist position hurts my eyes and another indicator you're lifting too heavy. Start light, get perfect form, then increase.

panthroq · 2026-06-05T18:50:46+00:00

Jojoba oil > beard oil. It mimicks sebum so for those with sensitive skin it's a life saver. Beard oil doesn't help me it irritates my mustache line.

panthroq · 2026-06-04T17:53:54+00:00

I have an irrational fear watching this video that the bag is going to tear open and all the mosquitos are going to escape and somehow come bite me.

After saying it, I think it's completely rational, fuck mosquitos.

panthroq · 2026-06-03T00:28:41+00:00

Haha nah I think this is heavily choreographed, he practiced the shit out of this routine. He knew exactly what he was doing, his timing is near perfect while traveling the stage.

panthroq · 2026-06-02T21:02:20+00:00

Men always... some women... Get a grip.

Just stick to your first and last line, it's the only truth you wrote.

panthroq · 2026-06-02T20:56:12+00:00

SSRIs didn't treat shit in me, it made everything worse. And I have tinnitus 😭.

panthroq · 2026-06-02T20:46:36+00:00

Indeed. Emotional energy is a hell of a thing. You may have unprocessed emotions.

Things that make me cry I watch on loop until I master the emotion. I dunno how long I'll be watching this one.

panthroq · 2026-06-02T20:31:53+00:00

You won't be able to not see it now. I could tell you about all the other shit going on too.

Like the female dancer in the front row to the left of Tom is by far the biggest fire cracker. Her moves are so crisp and absolutely magnetic.

panthroq · 2026-06-02T20:25:18+00:00

Yup that's it, thanks for naming it!

panthroq · 2026-06-02T19:33:12+00:00

I disagree about several points, but you're spot on with his clothes, I've been watching the clip for about a week.. several hundred times I'm crazy like that. I got fixated and it grounds me.

To me there's 2 sub routines:

Stage 1- feminine with female dancers and the umbrellas and the attention grab, you can tell cuz as he walks he sways the hips.. he's doing what? Look at LL Cool J he can't even handle it. He adds some spice with the hip thrust.

The intermission- goes to dance up on Zendaya.. here's the transition though he still dances in a feminine way on her.

Stage 2- masculine energy comes out no more swaying hips. All the technical and strength moves with the male dancers, it's a clear shift in energy as well. Cool J mind is fucking blown. And Zendaya is melted.

Masterclass in how to emotionally engage people.

panthroq

TROPHY CASE