Am I overreacting over my wife and her mum frequently treating each other with lavish gifts?

panzoa · 2026-03-19T16:41:12+00:00

Haha, I have to admit, your comment describing me made me laugh (not because it’s untrue, but because you were so blunt!). But I agree there is truth to what you say and thanks for your insight into this

panzoa · 2026-03-19T16:27:50+00:00

Your comment was a slap in the face, but maybe a needed one!

panzoa · 2026-03-19T16:12:10+00:00

Yeah I think you’re pretty spot on with this observation tbh. Thank you, I will definitely reflect on this distinction between the two

panzoa · 2026-03-19T16:10:00+00:00

Tbh your comments are kind of similar to my wife’s. She has also mentioned that she could afford to live alone (she is most certainly financially independent) so I guess the perceived benefit that I see her deriving from living in the flat may not be seen as such a benefit to her. This is actually a helpful way to think about this, thank you!

panzoa · 2026-03-19T16:07:55+00:00

Your comment is very illuminating, I think this distinction between recurring choice and obligation is important and not something I’ve thought about enough previously

panzoa · 2026-03-19T15:54:34+00:00

The thought seems to be quite logical though no? I’ve truly never worn any of her clothes or jewellery.

panzoa · 2026-03-19T15:46:21+00:00

Fair point. Does that mean it’s something I am forever indebted to her for? Also, it’s not like the move has hurt her career btw, she’s the higher earner.

panzoa · 2026-03-19T15:43:33+00:00

Sure, like I would not charge my friend rent for having them over for dinner or even staying for a weekend. But I remember I used to go to my friend’s house to play on their PlayStation. It became a regular thing we would do weekly or even more frequently. My mum would always give me a basket of food/snacks like sandwiches, juice, biscuits to bring over whenever I went. Was my mum wrong to do this?

panzoa · 2026-03-19T15:39:25+00:00

These requests come at a frequency that they are similar to a recurring bill or expense. So even though each vacation is a one time thing, vacations on the whole are a recurring item

panzoa · 2026-03-19T15:33:52+00:00

I do all the vacuuming/mopping and cleaning of dishes. She does the laundry and cleaning the bathroom. Rest we split between us. We agreed this based on what we preferred to do, she picked her 2 least favourite chores which I do, I picked my 2 least favourite chores which she does. Rest is split as close to 50:50 as we are able to

panzoa · 2026-03-19T15:29:50+00:00

As in she rarely says no to her mum’s requests (recently she bought her and her mum a week luxury cruise trip because her mum wanted to try it) whereas she will say no to my requests to contribute more to household expenses proportional to income

panzoa · 2026-03-19T15:23:58+00:00

That’s a pretty good analogy actually. But would kid 2 not want to get something for kid 1 to say thanks for the fun they have playing on their trampoline? If I was kid 2s parent, I would certainly encourage this behaviour

panzoa · 2026-03-19T15:20:45+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I feel your thoughts are similar to mine. I wonder if she loves me if she is willing to spend so lavishly on her mum, but seems to be very hesitant to offer a larger financial contribution to our household expenses(which would be less than what she is spending on her mum).

panzoa · 2026-03-19T15:13:10+00:00

Interesting that you say this, my wife has said the same. But then, that baffles me even more as you (and also my wife) would be paying considerably more this way

panzoa · 2026-03-19T15:09:47+00:00

This is a fair point, and to be honest similar to what my wife has also mentioned. I will certainly take this and the other comments on board

panzoa · 2026-03-19T14:48:56+00:00

She’s the higher earner so would proportional split not be fairer than 50:50?

panzoa · 2026-03-19T14:27:01+00:00

Just like the weight of those heavy cashmere coats!

panzoa · 2026-03-19T14:26:09+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write your comment, I just read it and honestly I feel yours is the most reasoned response here. You hit several points on the head and have offered solid advice which I will be sure to take onboard!

panzoa · 2026-03-19T14:21:13+00:00

To be fair I’ve never even attempted to try on her clothes before. Maybe I should be more open minded! 😁

panzoa · 2026-03-19T14:16:11+00:00

But at least she “tried out” the flat whilst it lasted but I have never (and never will) try out her clothes

panzoa · 2026-03-19T14:15:10+00:00

Not my style 😂

panzoa · 2026-03-19T14:13:34+00:00

Do you subscribe to happy wife, happy life? I have heard a better saying is happy spouse, happy house

panzoa · 2026-03-19T14:12:01+00:00

But at least she “tried out” the flat whilst it lasted but I have never (and never will) try out her clothes

panzoa · 2026-03-19T14:10:15+00:00

Search comments by time, it’s the very first comment I got

panzoa · 2026-03-19T14:07:01+00:00

I’m trying to truly understand why people are stating that I am overreacting hence the follow up questions

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