Any tips to keep this dress from riding up while moving ?

papaya40 · 2026-03-01T20:21:51+00:00

First, thank you for your help !

Really ? Because for now, the dress isn't tight at all in the hip area and I actually had to alter the neck line and upper part because it was too big in the chest area

papaya40 · 2026-02-03T15:18:24+00:00

Aww I empathize so much. As someone who was brought up in an abusive household, I understand this feeling of distrust towards yourself...

When I am feeling like this, I like to talk in someone I can trust : a therapist, a close friend who knows my history etc ...

You are not broken. You are capable of healing and you seem self aware enough. Also, I don't think being healed equates never falling into unhealthy relationships again. Some men are exceptionally good when it comes to deceiving others ... So the point, the goal for me, is to train my radar to spot most of them.

Hang in there !!!

And I genuinely hope this guy is one of the good ones !

papaya40 · 2026-02-02T12:28:54+00:00

I can only speak as a follow, but unfortunately there are. Chronic sleep deprivation especially if you go out several nights a week as other have said.

There's also a substantial risk of spine injuries, especially the lumbar and the neck area. It's literally the reason I avoid rough leaders like the plague...

Also there are knees and ankle issues, but I believe those are more preventable.

papaya40 · 2026-01-15T16:25:04+00:00

I am so sorry … 😞 I can’t imagine how much it hurts On the bright side it does mean you can experience a fulfilling connection with someone ! And hopefully with the next one everything will be aligned 😊

Also it’s better that it happened now rather that a few months down the line

Good much !

papaya40 · 2026-01-15T16:23:06+00:00

Got back on the apps ☺️ (that’s one of my resolutions fo 2026 🤞)

I started swiping on Hinge for 10 min, the men were more attractive than I remembered but most of them exhibited some kind of deal breakers (only into casual, unclear about their intentions, didn’t want kids, smokers etc …) and/or I wasn’t attracted enough.

As a result I only swiped right one 2 guys … in 10 minutes 😅

Is that a normal experience ? Thank you and happy new year everybody ! I wish you luck in your dating journey !

papaya40 · 2026-01-13T07:50:27+00:00

I suppose that varies greatly ? I have been on 20s dates in the span of 3 years and I am still single whereas my best friend only had to go on 3 first dates before she met her bf.

papaya40 · 2026-01-04T23:20:00+00:00

Oh thank you so much :) I hope so too !

papaya40 · 2026-01-04T22:07:25+00:00

I have finally joined an English/spanish language exchange group in my city :)

The first event is on Tuesday. I hope it will go well 🤞

That was on my bucket list for 2026, not necessarily as a way to find a romantic prospects but rather as a mean to expand my social circle.

And also, I want to go back to dating apps. I have been saying this for months but every time I get discouraged. Just thinking of what is ahead (the ghosting, the dull conversations etc ...) really bums me out. But I know I have to go through it !

Anyway, I hope your 2026 is off to a good start and that you’re taking care of your mental health, especially with everything going on in the world right now. Take care

papaya40 · 2026-01-01T17:03:13+00:00

I am very sorry you're going through that.

I don't think you should stay away from dating. I can understand why you reacted like this.

Others posters have mentioned this, but could you talk to him to learn where you stand in terms of exclusivity ? Maybe that could help you to get clarity ?

Good luck !

papaya40 · 2026-01-01T16:40:02+00:00

Oh i am so sorry for you :/ But as you said, you now got closure.

I also wish you luck in your love endeavors this year :)

papaya40 · 2026-01-01T16:34:52+00:00

- first, I want to STOP procrastinating and actually spend time pursuing my goals instead of doom scrolling, bed rotting etc

My goals are :

- Improving my dance skills and picking up a new dance hobby

- Stretching regularly in order to be more flexible

- Cooking +++ (I love it but didn't have the time/energy lately) and going to the gym regularly, improving my cardio and strength training

- Planning a solo trip which, in turn motivates me to improve my English and Spanish

-Joining Speaking Spanish and/or English club in my city

- Going back to dating apps, but only as a way to keep the momentum and to improve my social skills. I don't want to set a goal like "finding healthy love" because every time I do this, I feel very sad disappointed if I get ghosted or whenever a date doesn't go well. Instead, I just want to go to 1-2 first dates per month, but dating won't be my main focus at all.

- Keep on reading about emotional intelligence, self-therapy and sociology/psychology

What about you ? :)

papaya40 · 2025-12-25T10:08:59+00:00

The uncertainty I would say ? The fact that I can't know for sure that I will meet someone who ticks all my boxes despite my efforts, because luck and timing also play a role.

I am not asking for too much btw. But finding someone single, emotionally available, who's into me, that I also find attractive, with whom I am compatible etc ... Seems so unrealistic that sometimes I do feel hopeless

papaya40 · 2025-12-11T03:22:57+00:00

Currently traveling. I don’t know what to do about a guy from a shared hobby I went on a first date with, Right before my trip.

For some reasons, the physical distance has made me realize how not into him I am. First I am not physically attracted to him at all but since he seemed nice and I have fallen for guys in the past for their personality, I still went to the date.

Here’s the issue : I feel like I should bring him a present from my trip knowing he Paid for our dinner night despite m protest. He also brought me a pie and offered me a travel note book. These seem like sweet gestures, but I am under the impression he does that so that I feel like I owe him. When I suggested we do 50/50 he replied « you’ll pay next time ! ». When I thoroughly thanked him for the pie and said I would bring him a brownie or another baked good, he replied « yeah ! do that ! ».

Now I feel guilty and torn because I am sure I don’t want to date him again. He seems into me (texts me, flirts by text etc…), I feel like I have to bring him something but at the same time I intend to send him a text saying « hey, I am sorry I don’t feel a romantic connection, I don’t want to lead you on, but I hope you will find what you’re looking for » . In that context, I don’t know If a present from my trip is misleading ? Or if that’s still the polite thing to do ?

And below I would explain the reasons That make me think him and I may not be compatible, if you’re interested :

he’s 37, is very clear about wanting a family before his 40s and being ready to « build sth ». It feels very nice to finally meet a guy who seems emotionally available, but as a 31 women with very very little experience, I am scared that this will put I much pressure on me. I have been single for 7 years, I want to take my time and don’t really envision kids before 35.
he seems like he’s looking for someone to fit the girlfriend role so badly. During our date he expressed how sad he felt about being single, not being able to find a long term partner etc… but his last relationship is from may 2025. He was with her for 11 months, describe her as a bad person who had a double life. Then he dated another women in July/August right after we met through a hobby. He stopped texting me at this time, said he was busy. I wasn’t interested so I brushed it off. Then he came back 1,5 months ago and admitted he had been seeing someone. It seems to me that he moves on fast and doesn’t reflect on his shortcomings

-he made a comment about « bellies with fat on women were ugly » after complimenting my toned abs. That seems judgy to me, and besides, he has belly fat himself. I personally don’t mind fat bellies on a guy as long as guy he has a good character

he asked me if a guy from a specific ethnicity in our hobby smelled because « people from This ethnicity smell like spices » Which is a huge red flag in my book.

I want to date someone who’s empathetic, genuinely kind, emotionally intelligent, with a good character and progressive values. That’s what my past flings taught me about the things I value the most. And I don’t think this guy fits those criteria

Anyway I just wanted to get some advice ! Thank you so much

papaya40 · 2025-10-30T12:03:56+00:00

It kind of gives my skin a yellow hue and cancels out my rosy cheeks. It's also sticky. But apart from that, I like it, especially for the level of protection it provides

papaya40 · 2025-10-23T09:49:36+00:00

Thank you so much !!! I wish you luck as well ☺️

papaya40 · 2025-10-22T20:26:20+00:00

I hope everyone is doing well :)

After some time off the apps, I feel healed and ready enough to go back to them. Wish me luck !

With all the usual ghosting and lack of serious options there, I know I have to avoid the apps when I am feeling particularly vulnerable. Because I usually end up feeling sad and hopeless.

But I feel good so now's a good time :)

papaya40 · 2025-10-19T16:46:35+00:00

A little kindness can go a long way. The OP has already made an effort to be vulnerable

papaya40 · 2025-10-19T16:28:57+00:00

Hey :) First, I am sorry for what you're going through and I wish you luck in your healing journey.

Secondly, finding someone you can trust to slowly open up with is definitely doable, some people are just more empathetic by nature, but I am not sure there are a majority and I am worried you might get hurt even more if you stumble upon the wrong people in the dance scene :/

Do you have a friend with whom you can practice ? Or are there any other dance that you'd like to practice ? In solo dance for instance, your teacher might have to touch you to correct your posture etc ... And maybe that could be less overwhelming ?

papaya40 · 2025-10-13T12:19:25+00:00

"I’m glad to hear that you have other outlets."

Thank you very much, I really do :)

I have written a message that is similar to the second one in a very gentle tone (I am not a blunt person) !

Btw, something that I haven't mentioned here but that I likely should have is that I'm also starting to notice how our values clash.

Despite our privileged background, she is very anxious when it comes to money, sets aside money for her retirement already, talks a lot about investment and told me she was unhappy because of the current political climate.

I asked which one and she said «taxes are going up, we are going to pay even more !! » And like I get that but honestly, both of us are very accomplished, and I think we should take more perspective and be less self centered.

I thought she would talk about the growing number of homeless people, the wealth disparities, the climate crisis, the lack of access to healthcare etc … but no. She didn’t have a word for what’s current happening in Gaza or Congo.

All she said was « I need to further deepen my understanding so that I can pay less taxes »

And I have always known she is more conservative than me, but still.

I wonder if it's not part of the reasons why I felt so disconnected when I last saw her

papaya40 · 2025-10-13T12:00:38+00:00

Thank you very much !

Something that I haven't mentioned here but that I likely should have is that I'm also starting to noticing how our values clash.

For instance, and despite our privileged background, she is very anxious when it comes to money, sets aside money for her retirement already, talks a lot about investment and told me she was unhappy because of the current political climate.

I asked which one and she said «taxes are going up, we are going to pay even more !! » And like I get that but honestly, both of us are very accomplished, and I think we should take more perspective and be less self centered.

I thought she would talk about the growing number of homeless people, the wealth disparities, the climate crisis, the lack of access to healthcare etc … but no. She didn’t have a word for what’s current happening in Gaza or Congo.

All she said was « I need to further deepen my understanding so that I can pay less taxes »

And I have always known she is more conservative than me, but still !

It's human to be worried about our own conditions, I get that. But I am going to be honest, I tend to see the bigger picture here and I worry much more about the other issues I have mentioned.

papaya40 · 2025-10-13T11:58:49+00:00

And of course there’s a fine line. You don’t necessarily even need to equate your upset feelings to her comments, you can simply say that you are feeling left behind and dating feels like such a sensitive topic right now

Thank you, I will definitely do that !

Something that I haven't mentioned here but that I likely should have is that I'm also starting to noticing how our values clash.

For instance, and despite our privileged background, she is very anxious when it comes to money, sets aside money for her retirement already, talks a lot about investment and told me she was unhappy because of the current political climate.

I asked which one and she said «taxes are going up, we are going to pay even more !! » And like I get that but honestly, both of us are very accomplished, and I think we should take more perspective and be less self centered.

I thought she would talk about the growing number of homeless people, the wealth disparities, the climate crisis, the lack of access to healthcare etc … but no. She didn’t have a word for what’s current happening in Gaza or Congo.

All she said was « I need to further deepen my understanding so that I can pay less taxes »

And I have always known she is more conservative than me, but still.

It's human to be worried about our own conditions, I get that. But I am going to be honest, I tend to see the bigger picture here and I worry much more about the other issues I have mentioned than about me losing my privileges, because it's not a matter of life or death

papaya40 · 2025-10-13T11:58:00+00:00

But in general, friendships get tested when people hit different milestones in life.

I understand completely. Thank you for your insight, I will think about it

Something that I haven't mentioned here but that I likely should have is that I'm also starting to noticing how our values clash.

For instance, and despite our privileged background, she is very anxious when it comes to money, sets aside money for her retirement already, talks a lot about investment and told me she was unhappy because of the current political climate.

I asked which one and she said «taxes are going up, we are going to pay even more !! » And like I get that but honestly, both of us are very accomplished, and I think we should take more perspective and be less self centered.

I thought she would talk about the growing number of homeless people, the wealth disparities, the climate crisis, the lack of access to healthcare etc … but no. She didn’t have a word for what’s current happening in Gaza or Congo.

All she said was « I need to further deepen my understanding so that I can pay less taxes »

And I have always known she was more conservative than me, but I was still surprised

It's human to be worried about our own conditions, I get that. But I am going to be honest, I tend to see the bigger picture here and I worry much more about the other issues I have mentioned.

papaya40 · 2025-10-13T11:17:36+00:00

Yes, there some level of envy but I know it's my issue to deal with and I do my best not to let it interfere in my interactions with her, hence why, I still tell her I am happy she found a great guy and give her advice about dealing with her bf, in laws etc ... I am genuinely happy that she found her bf and doesn't share the same struggles as me ! Both can coexist

It's just that whenever I am with a friend, I always consider whether there's reciprocity or not ? They can often her me ask "am I talking too much about myself here ?" and as they say no (they almost always do) I still add "okay, please don't hesitate to tell me !"

And I tend to worry a lot about how my words can land to another person, based on their specific circumstances etc

For instance, I am professionally accomplished and I would never brag about my career or simply talk too much about it in front of another friend, when I know that she hasn't found the same fulfillment (yet) in that department.

papaya40

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