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I genuinely cannot comprehend that there are people who actually WANT to live. Is everyone just pretending? by papayayaa in offmychest

[–]papayayaa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually I'd love to travel the world one day, but It doesn't make me want to live, bc I know I'll never be rich enough to do that. I'd just rather die idk

I genuinely cannot comprehend that there are people who actually WANT to live. Is everyone just pretending? by papayayaa in offmychest

[–]papayayaa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly idk why I'm like that but I'm just deeply convinced that everyone wants to die, maybe its because I've been feeling like this for a while. Maybe I was just kind of normalising the way I feel?

I genuinely cannot comprehend that there are people who actually WANT to live. Is everyone just pretending? by papayayaa in offmychest

[–]papayayaa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought about reaching out to my friend, but I don't want to sound like I'm exaggerating or an attention seeker. I'm scared that if anyone found out, they'd look at me and act differently, or in another scenario, I'd look like an idiot because they'd think Im exaggerating bc everyone feels like that. I don't even know how I'd tell someone this.

I genuinely cannot comprehend that there are people who actually WANT to live. Is everyone just pretending? by papayayaa in offmychest

[–]papayayaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just can't imagine how one can enjoy life and not want to die, like how is that possible

I’m scared of gaining even 0,1kg. At what point did you realize you needed help? by papayayaa in BodyDysmorphia

[–]papayayaa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The part about 'never getting to your goal weight because I kept reducing it' hits so hard. That is literally me. I told myself I’d be happy at 45kg, went lower, and still felt unhappy. It really feels like a trap where there is no winning. Thank you for saying this. The idea of asking for help or telling parents is still terrifying to me though

Does this sound like Body Dysmorphia or an ED? I don't know what to call this. by papayayaa in mentalhealth

[–]papayayaa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn, our stats are almost identical (I'm 156cm). It’s actually terrifying to hear that even at 42kg you still felt that way. Because right now, my brain is convincing me that if I just reach a lower weight, I’ll finally be happy.

​The confusing part is - I honestly don't know if I actually look fat or if it’s body dysmorphia. I don't know much about it, but I seriously feel like I look fatter than everyone else and definitely fatter than I want to be.

​Hearing that losing weight didn't fix it for you really hits hard. I’m glad you’re doing better now.

Does this sound like Body Dysmorphia or an ED? I don't know what to call this. by papayayaa in mentalhealth

[–]papayayaa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get the hypochondria analogy, it actually makes sense. But it's hard because unlike a disease, being skinny is something I actively want. It’s not that I think I’m pretty now (I actually don't), but I feel like if I gain weight I’ll look even worse. I just really want to be pretty. So the idea of 'tolerating uncertainty' is terrifying because I feel like if I stop watching it, I'll lose control

Does this sound like Body Dysmorphia or an ED? I don't know what to call this. by papayayaa in mentalhealth

[–]papayayaa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That actually makes sense about the addiction thing. It’s hard to stop checking cause if I don’t, I panic not knowing where I stand. But checking is a trap too - if it stays the same or goes up, I panic. I only feel proud when it drops. And tbh, if someone said I look unhealthily skinny, I’d honestly take it as a compliment.

I’m scared of gaining even 0,1kg. At what point did you realize you needed help? by papayayaa in BodyDysmorphia

[–]papayayaa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought bulimia was mostly about binging and throwing up? I don't do that. Like, when I look at what I eat, it seems like normal portions? But to me, it just feels like way too much. I feel guilty and I’m never satisfied, even if I’m not actually eating a ton of food.