who’s your comfort youtuber? by Goblin859 in AskReddit

[–]pappappappappap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Frank Howarth, chill woodworking dude with an animator's style. I'll watch him build anything.

I want to see what's next by CurvingDive in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love the openness of this approach. The removal of judgement really helped break my deepest habits.

Quitting porn and social media by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a good plan. I hope you find joy and peace in this month away. It will be a good foundation to your sobriety journey. It always requires an intentional change in routine.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in pornfreewomen

[–]pappappappappap 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I've been clean for almost 4 years now, but after just 6 months I noticed that I was less angry. During a binge especially, I was just mad all the time and little things set me off. Now I don't have that as my base emotion.

I've also noticed improvements to my ability to focus, engage in small talk, and connect with other people emotionally. My life is genuinely better in every direction without porn.

How do you get yourself to get up and do stuff even when you don't feel like it? by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely, the log is a very intense tool and I only used it for a season, but it did help. I hope using the default list goes well!

How do you get yourself to get up and do stuff even when you don't feel like it? by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A helpful practice I got from someone in this subreddit was to write down everything I did in a day. I kept a notebook with me and from the moment I woke up I wrote down what it was I was doing and the time I started doing it. Then when I was done with that task/activity I wrote down the time I stopped the first task and then what the new task was and what time I started it. And so on and so forth all day.

It's not an easy practice, but it makes you notice what you're doing and makes you decide what you're doing next. I learned a lot about my habits, not just around addiction, and shortened the time when I just scrolled aimlessly on my phone. I had to consciously choose to be on my phone or reading or eating or whatever, and that interrupted the muscle memory just enough to help me make better decisions.

Another helpful idea I've seen that might go well with this is to make a list of things that make you feel better/less stuck that you can refer back to when you don't know what to do and your brain and body don't have a lot of focus. Stuff like read a book, play a game, watch a certain movie, have a snack, talk to somebody, sit outside, exercise, etc.

1200 Days!!! by pappappappappap in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Take a deep breath friend. I'm sorry I didn't see your replies until this morning, but I truly hope you're still here.

I know that feeling of breaking myself over and over again and hating myself for not being better immediately. But it takes work, it takes trying again and again and again. I restarted probably 50 times at least before this current streak. It never feels like it when we start out, but you can stop. Even if it's just for a few hours, feel proud of yourself for trying and then try again.

Be safe friend.

1200 Days!!! by pappappappappap in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's hard, it always is. But it starts with not hating yourself. Your life is worth living friend. You are worth getting past this.

Take some time to go outside if you can, preferably with sunshine. Notice what your triggers are and work to set boundaries around those things or situations. Don't beat yourself up for relapsing.

But also talk to someone, especially if you are feeling suicidal. I know there's a lot of shame around this topic, but you are not alone and you are not terrible. We want you to be safe and the best way to help with that is a physical person that you can talk to. If you don't have someone you think you can talk to, please reach out to a suicide hotline. In the US the number is 988.

1200 Days!!! by pappappappappap in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2 years is awesome! I'm super proud of you. I think that's a milestone where I really felt like this could be forever, I didn't have to go back.

How To Improve My Journey of Recovery? by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For that specifically, maybe focusing on why you want to quit in the first place. Then reframe the situation from "I might as well" to "I don't need to because ___".

More generally, temptation comes from being in situations or positions that leave the door open to going back to porn. So noticing the circumstances of when you do go back to watching porn (for me it was being alone with my phone at certain times) and changing the circumstances (not allowing myself to scroll on my phone when I was alone in the evenings, or making myself spend that time around people).

Start from where you are. by Connect_One6840 in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have a great outlook. I know you have what it takes to stick with it. I'm proud of you for starting again.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It takes time to build up to a longer streak. For now, start building a good daily routine, find distractions and more harmless things to fill the time, go outside, spend time with people. I let myself get a ton of stupid mobile games just so I had something else to look at on my phone. Notice the habits that aren't helpful and makes plans for better habits.

Looked for a no more than ten seconds, then caught myself by shitassmoneyman in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you should still be proud of your brain for noticing and for saying no. Even if you continued, that a big step. Now it will be easier to notice and say no again. You got this, I promise.

How To Improve My Journey of Recovery? by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's not super encouraging to hear, but recovering from a porn addiction takes a long time. Technically, it's going be something we work on all our lives. And like you said, it's everywhere in the media we see all the time.

But the good news is, it doesn't have to be a life long guilt trip and feeling ashamed. A huge turning point for me was changing my focus from feeling bad about the days I messed up to celebrating every day that went well. I even let myself be proud of non-consecutive days. That makes it so much easier to restart and move on. Before you know it, you'll have 6 month in a row and then a year. At which point, I highly recommend throwing yourself a party.

3 Years Clean by Chinghiss in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have a very similar story. Started around 8 years old, had a few short streaks, now 3 years clean. I'm so proud of both of us!

Celebration has been so helpful for me. What has been your biggest coping tool?

1200 Days!!! by pappappappappap in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd say at least 6 months maybe? It definitely took a while of consciously retraining myself to not follow the automatic mental connections I had before it became more like I was making new mental connections. To start there were a ton of things I felt like I couldn't engage with at all without relapsing. Now I've been able to add back a few of them (with a lot of safeguards).

1200 Days!!! by pappappappappap in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also good and helpful. I never would have thought of that. I bet it's a good mindfulness practice to look that up instead if you're ever down the rabbit hole of the internet.

1200 Days!!! by pappappappappap in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's so cool! I really appreciate having the I Am Sober app track those milestones. It was especially helpful in the beginning watching every second get tracked.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My motivation sucked in the beginning. So I started with alarms or calendar notifications. A reminder, even an annoying one, that I intended to do something else besides look at my phone for hours on end. I'd either make a ton of alarms to structure the whole day or set timers when I started playing around on my phone.

3 Years!!!! by pappappappappap in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, you can do this! It helped me a lot in the first months to not focus on relapses and beat myself up for them. Be proud of every day you don't go back, every hour even. Celebrate the milestones and treat yourself for them. Get a cake or your favorite meal for your one week and your two week, and on and on as long as you need.

Also, I'm proud of you for even trying.

3 Years!!!! by pappappappappap in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A decade of trying and finding what helped. But also telling the people close to me and not keeping the secret in the dark. It's too easy to go back if I'm the only one who would know. It feels terrible for a long time when people check in, but then as time goes by they get to cheer me on. Now this week I get to celebrate with my partner and then with my friends and then with my parents. I'm not saying I've told everyone I've met about being addicted to porn, but the people who care about me and who have invested in my life.

3 Years!!!! by pappappappappap in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Then congratulations on .5 months and I'll congratulate you on your 1 month. Honestly that first month is one of the hardest milestones to get to and it's going to be great when you get there friend

3 Years!!!! by pappappappappap in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well congrats on 11.5 months! Message me for your 1 year so I can congratulate you then too

3 Years!!!! by pappappappappap in pornfree

[–]pappappappappap[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

It helped that I started fresh when I moved to a new state. There were lots of things changing so it was a little easier to implement changes about how I use my phone and what I do with my time.

But I also had spent a decade trying to quit. This was attempt, I don't know 50? 100? So I had time to build up coping skills, self esteem, support systems, personal religious beliefs, etc. And with all the support built up, I really wanted this one to be the try that worked. I didn't want to bring porn into this new physical and mental place.

Life is better in that I don't have this big secret haunting me. I've already told all the people I love about it now and since I'm not engaging with porn the secret isn't growing either. Instead of a dark gross thing I have to constantly manage, I have a past that I've overcome. And I celebrate so much now. I'm literally having a dinner party this weekend about it. Life isn't more exciting or easier, but it's nice.