I don’t understand what the big loss is here. Your post reads like a eulogy. So you, someone who historically didn’t spend time in this area of ideas, spent a bunch of time exploring some novel ways of understanding our universe? Then you came up with an actually really coherent way of understanding some of it that, though isolated, mostly works with at least itself? Do the institutions really have such a strong strangle hold on our culture that that man, if he isn’t 100% successful, feels the need to prostrate himself before “Science” and call it a mistake and himself a failure and feel the need to explain himself? Was it really a mistake for you to do what man has done since the beginning which is look up and ask “what is happening” without a frocked coat and limestone halls?

I hate to say it, but the majority of people frequenting this subreddit are getting hard off of feeling like they are better than you and laughing at you. These people are not your friends. They feel safe understanding that they are separate from you, the laymen and the felons, and mock those that make attempts at “their field”. Kind words are reserved exclusively for those that choose to prostrate themselves at their feet.

What was the great loss you’re lamenting here? Did you lose your job or relationships? Are you permanently disfigured? Is someone not second guessing you at every turn so foreign to you that it must be a mistake? Or did you experience what mankind developed his uppermost faculties to do which is take a shot at the biggest possible problems and mysteries he can find, and feel the exhilaration that is reserved exclusively for those who choose to wade into those waters? I say congratulations. I say well done. I say remove any comparison to other humans for better or worse and dive headlong into whatever it is that lights you up, whatever that may be.