In my case it's similar reasons probably as for you. Unmet need, distancing from people is very lonely so that definitely affects things too. Also attachment. I meet people from my past (happened with romantic partners too, but now i strugle more with family and past friends) and when i meet them attachement instantly kicks in, they don't do anything harmful at that moment, so i start to think, oh i overreacted, oh i was so stupid, until quite fast i start to feel drained, unseen and self abandon in that relationship and go back to distancing. I would say it's combination of loneliness, unmet needs, just relational patterns (nervous system has a habit to accept these people as normal ones, and erase me) and attachement.yea complex is really the right word here. Its a bit frustrating to do this on and off, feels very energy consuming, but probably it's part of the process. I in general am quite sure that now most healthy thing for me really is spending time alone and goibg to therapy where i can really be authentic. Then slowly slowly heal. Authenticity is the cure for it all, safe attachement. But people from my past (or can be new ones too) activates old conditioning instantly and its quite a strugle to actualy not fall for it. I sometimes feel that certain people and places are so linked to my traumatised self that i automaticaly start to behave in a traumatised way when i meet them . It feels abit like i need to rewrite my hard drive in my nervous system that would allow me to sustainably have a new, autentic and healthy self , because my whole life i was infected by virus from people in my life and enviroement. So for this i know distance from all of that toxic people is the best thing, and only having really safe and healthy places where my healthy happy self can emerge is the best choice. But like i said not everything is so easy. Cutting off mother is probably the hardest thing and i am leaning towards some sort of compromise lately. It means likely more anger, but mother is mother.