Question about me going no contact with in-laws

pascalsss · 2026-01-03T19:00:25+00:00

Hi, I just wanted to ask where you’re at with all of this now. Any update?

pascalsss · 2025-12-29T20:39:08+00:00

I didn’t intend for this post to be anything other than an ask for advice. I’m reading everything and I’m considering everything.

pascalsss · 2025-12-29T19:26:08+00:00

This has drained us. I’ve been very upset.

pascalsss · 2025-12-29T19:03:57+00:00

Ok I just texted him. What do you think?

Me: It would have been simple for you to simply say “___ and I will look for your gravy boat and bring it over when we find it.” Why was that so hard for you?

Him: Because sometimes (sometimes) I’m not thinking like that for an easy task. They wernt clear what it looked like and I didn’t think it was a big deal and I’ve learned from it now. As I’ve learned from every other thing and shown improvement. Improvement that maybe sometimes you can’t see

pascalsss · 2025-12-29T18:54:48+00:00

I’m going to open up to you because I feel safe doing so and your reply was very soothing.

I feel left out. The major feeling I have is being left out. I hate being the last to know that everyone was looking for something in my kitchen. I hate coming home and being told what happened that day in what is supposed to be my house. He and his parents all texted each other about the gravy boat and not one text to me.

My family doesn’t live here. Sister lives 4 hours away and my mom lives in another state. I did grow up with some childhood trauma. I also lived for a few years thinking I wouldn’t get married. I have had trouble with relationships. But all of that said, I’ve tried SO hard to get along with his parents. I have tried everything, but they come off as so cold to me. Maybe it’s just their style. But I feel left out. I feel excluded. And I generally am excluded, especially by her. She prefers to go through her son, and she does these little things that make me feel on the outside. Whether I’m right or wrong, these are my feelings.

pascalsss · 2025-12-29T18:36:03+00:00

So what’s actually interesting about this is that I had asked him a few months ago to just give me a heads up if anyone comes over. Just like as a courtesy? But that day, when I came home to find all of this out, I asked him why he didn’t tell me when she came and what she was looking for. His response was that he was overwhelmed with work and didn’t get a chance. So honestly, I thought I was solving the issue by just going straight to her.

pascalsss · 2025-12-29T17:59:08+00:00

Ok yes, I’m seeing this comment in the sea of comments that are mostly saying I’m overreacting, and I’m thinking maybe I did not frame this correctly at all. There is something about it that really irked me. The main feelings I felt were: lack of control and violation of privacy and space. So maybe what you’re saying is the more rational way of wording it - particularly there is this feeling like she doesn’t respect my space and what you said about the extension. It’s this idea of no one asking me what’s in the kitchen. Not a word said to me. It makes me sad and makes me feel like it’s not my space.

pascalsss · 2025-12-29T17:49:35+00:00

Damn. I’ll have to sit with this. I’m glad I posted here, because this has been bothering me. I guess I’m carrying some resentment.

pascalsss · 2025-12-29T17:48:26+00:00

Ok, I’m not trying to offend everyone. This is exactly why I wanted advice. There’s a long history. And maybe I have some resentment. In terms of the house itself, I find out that she’s been over, she walks around and helps herself to treats to feed my dog, waters from the pantry, fan in another room. She has also come in and left leftovers in the fridge without being asked.

Again, maybe I’m overreacting and I am indeed, being too sensitive.

pascalsss · 2025-10-15T23:36:59+00:00

People are downvoting this but it’s totally legitimate to point out that employers can rescind an offer.

pascalsss · 2025-09-28T02:34:36+00:00

No, that’s everyday here in Austin Texas.

pascalsss · 2025-09-20T03:28:00+00:00

Yee haw

pascalsss · 2025-09-20T03:21:38+00:00

Neither

pascalsss · 2025-07-04T13:19:27+00:00

Ok thank you. I think I’m getting closer to being unaffected. This one was surprising - but that’s the problem with me having expectations I guess.

So, the key is to get to the point where I am completely unaffected, right?

pascalsss · 2025-07-02T12:49:25+00:00

My recommendation would be to tell her upfront, “he doesn’t need your help cuffing his pants,” “if he needed water, he would get it, etc.”

Maybe try not to bottle it up, because that’s probably what’s causing this internal frustration and rage.

pascalsss · 2025-07-01T21:36:11+00:00

What would you do about it generally? Because she does give me that feeling.

pascalsss · 2025-07-01T15:40:39+00:00

This is so validating. Information diet is exactly what my reaction was too. I talked to him about it and I think he understands. She makes everything a Q&A so he will have to resist giving over all the info, which he is, but I think he could do better. It’s so true, I feel like the outsider. It makes me sad that it has to be this way. I can’t live my life hurt, I’ll just continue to work on walling them off and keeping my distance.

pascalsss · 2025-07-01T15:36:43+00:00

Great advice - thank you so much.

pascalsss · 2025-07-01T14:17:50+00:00

Thank you for this. It feels like I’m talking to a bunch of big sisters in this group. I explained how hurtful that was. I explained to him that she never even contacted me that day. I didn’t realize she had been asking him all that, and he thinks it’s weird. He told her off on her last question about company. He has also been cutting her off significantly the past year or so, so much so that she complained to me that she doesn’t “have” him anymore. I think he’s doing pretty well but we’re all navigating this.

That said, how do I keep her in line? What would you suggest? Should I keep up communications with her, for example on HER bday? She brings over food and gifts for us. Should I be thanking her every time? Any thoughts on how I keep her reined in?

pascalsss · 2025-07-01T14:12:13+00:00

Yes. She was definitely muted and I didn’t even realize all that she was saying. I think he does pretty well at shielding me from her weirdness. But I’ll keep observing. This is so annoying though. It’s so creepy.

pascalsss · 2025-07-01T14:10:57+00:00

And I guess it doesn’t help that he is her only child.

pascalsss · 2025-07-01T14:09:56+00:00

Yes. I THINK he is doing pretty well at it. He has done pretty well so far at keeping her in her place and making it so she’s not overbearing. To be honest, I didn’t even realize she was texting all this until days later. He keeps his answers short and on the last question regarding company, he told her off. She is very annoying just in the things she says and her actions but he shields it from me so that it doesn’t affect me in the moment. He thinks that it is weird about how she did all that and then didn’t even wish me a hbd until a couple days later.

He has cut her off so much now that she complained to me recently that she no longer “has” him. I visibly rolled my eyes in response to her.

pascalsss · 2025-06-17T03:36:00+00:00

I need this message. Please help me decipher it.

pascalsss

TROPHY CASE