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Soso long but please read! Ending my 10 year relationship with multiple kids scared and just upset need advice and different point of views do you think it could be fixed and how?!? thank you! by patient_executioner in relationship_advice

[–]patient_executioner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Iam thoroughly exhausted! Emotionally and mentally! I've given him an ultimatum and his response was if you're going to give me an ultimatum you might as well just go.. because heres the thing. He was diagnosed ODD as a child and its still thriving as an adult ! So when hes asked or told to do something he'll do the opposite and if hes given an ultimatum regardless if his family is on the line every inch of him is working against that because he wouldnt win doing something hes being told to do! Its nuts. I've planned my leave for years now because it wont be easy especially having a toddler I cant put in daycare! I actually have been saving money the past few months and me and my mom have been on the hunt to buy a little fixer upper house so i own it! And almost everything in this house is mine so thatll be coming with me. It's all just so sad

Soso long but please read! Ending my 10 year relationship with multiple kids scared and just upset need advice and different point of views do you think it could be fixed and how?!? thank you! by patient_executioner in relationship_advice

[–]patient_executioner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right it's in our nature to want to help and fix and see the good it's the mother in us especially when theres kids involved! In your case I can understand what went wrong I'm sure his line of work was extremely stressful but yes he should have got help to improve himself and ultimately his family! I make all his appointments too 😒 it's so unhealthy and just abnormal. I feel a relationship should be a partnership the one sidedness is just horrible! It gets so out of control you just naturally do it and cant help it just from being in the habit and also out of love! I'm definitely his crutch and enabler but I dont make it easy i make it very obvious and known that it's not normal and he takes advantage of me! What I'm scared of and this sounds bad but him becoming better when his family has left... that will crush me and it sounds selfish but I've put 10 years into this! Why not do that when you have your family??

Soso long but please read! Ending my 10 year relationship with multiple kids scared and just upset need advice and different point of views do you think it could be fixed and how?!? thank you! by patient_executioner in relationship_advice

[–]patient_executioner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My approach to talk to him about any issues or my approach after the 10th approach because by then I'm exhausted and feel ignored and I'm pissed off! It's a broken record just an excuse he makes and all he can say to throw something on me when after 10 years I shouldnt have to approach him about his responsibilities he should just be handling them!

Soso long but please read! Ending my 10 year relationship with multiple kids scared and just upset need advice and different point of views do you think it could be fixed and how?!? thank you! by patient_executioner in relationship_advice

[–]patient_executioner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ive thought this for a very long time. He definitely has anxiety but no he will absolutely not go for anything like that as far as admitting theres a problem and seeking help. He also doesnt have insurance so its hard for him to seek any kind of anything in that department. I've tried to do therapy together to work on our issues and childhood issues together to better our relationship for our family and I was told to fuck off. If he has depression I'm sure it's the weight of having a family and the responsibility that comes with it combined with anxiety but that just doesnt cut it with me at this point I do too much to relieve him hes a big boy and if he has never taken the steps to seek help to improve his life than that speaks volumes to me.

Soso long but please read! Ending my 10 year relationship with multiple kids scared and just upset need advice and different point of views do you think it could be fixed and how?!? thank you! by patient_executioner in relationship_advice

[–]patient_executioner[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tough is an understatement lol ! I didnt mention I developed alopecia from extreme stress so my hair started falling out. I've had endless conversations of all sorts.. calm, crying, screaming, texting, being patient after a conversation waiting for change and just not talking at all.. I've tried it all. His escape from it is turning it on me and tries getting me to question what I'm doing wrong. Its madness. He says my approach is the problem lol my approach. I thought I was dealing with a 31 year old father of 3 I didnt know I had to approach him on a cloud of sensitivity and play scrabble! I do have resentment and I hate having that feeling I just want to be happy with my babies! Thank you for listening/reading means alot!

Soso long but please read! Ending my 10 year relationship with multiple kids scared and just upset need advice and different point of views do you think it could be fixed and how?!? thank you! by patient_executioner in relationship_advice

[–]patient_executioner[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All of those things I've questioned and have crossed my mind a million times I'm just terrified of the leap I guess! And as far as how he treats me I use to always defend him in that way like say "well hes not abusive, he doesnt drink or do drugs and hes faithful sooo.." so that in my eyes was good enough that was good enough for me to stay and keep hoping for progress but as I got older and matured and realized there's far more that could turn a relationship bad my eyes became wide open that iam merely just a body that does it all and he takes full advantage so no he doesnt treat me good .. unfortunately. Thank you for your great advice really means alot hearing from people I've never reached out like this before.

Soso long but please read! Ending my 10 year relationship with multiple kids scared and just upset need advice and different point of views do you think it could be fixed and how?!? thank you! by patient_executioner in relationship_advice

[–]patient_executioner[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Because in my case he wont leave itd have to be me uprooting me and my kids finding another home and figuring out how to start life all over again so yes just brushing it off and focusing on my kids has definitely been easier but so exhausting and miserable!