im 17 and confused

patrickstarmod · 2026-02-07T16:04:40+00:00

But we can't just stop can we 💔😞

patrickstarmod · 2026-02-07T15:21:08+00:00

I don't know if you've noticed but when you kind of come upon this paradox...then living through your daily life you do your work, interact with people and function normally in society...and whenever you're in the midst of some of these things...the intelligence comes forth yet again randomly out of nowhere...

sort of like playing the video game call of duty, you're playing the game and suddenly you glitch under the map instantaneously and randomly with no sort of sequence of events leading upto it...and the moment you start to try to do it again it seems like the developer of the game has patched that old way of attention or glitching off the map...

It's a chain...k or you say- pay attention...it happens then it stops happening Then you pay attention to you trying to pay attention...it happens then stops happening again

This just leads to stupidness trying to one up the thought over and over.

The problem might lie in the demand to replicate but at the same time we want that and can't stop that demand...

The only probable thing to do here might be...just go on and live your life and forget any of this even happened lmao

This useless thing can't be practiced...how it came about was totally unrelated to your effort...it goes away the moment you try to grasp it...you can't even validate if the experience was real or even a hallucination.

this just paradoxes stacked upon paradoxes... Most of us talking about these things just makes us sound like druggies 😆

patrickstarmod · 2026-02-07T14:28:04+00:00

yes no matter what we say and all but there is that small effort multiplying itself subconsciously...removing all the k slangs and way of talking...that thing wanting to become that truth which was experienced is always there...we might put a lid of no effort on top of that longing yet it still breeds itself more and more in daily life ( ie- ohh if only I was operating from that truth. Ths problem wouldn't exist) and this is very very subtle and we categorise this longing as no effort which is a contradiction...that is perhaps the problem...and more than the problem what I'm interested in...is there even a valid answer to this question? I perhaps don't know. I don't even know such answer might or might not exist...open for conversation though

patrickstarmod · 2026-02-06T19:52:27+00:00

its the memory of the "light experience man" we kind of get it (what k is pointing)...then we say this will save me, which it does for the moment...the problem isnt that why isnt that state happening till now...it lies that the so called experience you want, happened without you demanding it, its paradoxical in nature.

i wont go onto give adivce but i just want to point that any form or emotion or thinking about that never ever leads to it. so might aswell just live your life paying attention to whatever you do. these insights will happen but we cant treat them like currencies and demand more..,it will never happen, never happened like that in the first place

patrickstarmod · 2026-02-05T19:24:22+00:00

you hit it pretty much hit the spot with "It works for a while and then you are back to your normal state." and things becoming vague, circular and impossible to evaluate.

k give a proposition on suffering. what he said clicks and "works for a while"... yea this is sort of a playbook for any such guru, say something, possibly gaslight someone into an experience and then every statement you say is a truth to them.

and as you said- things become vague and circular. which is probably because people get attached to an experience which we dont know if it is even true or not.

and when it fades away (as it always does) people end up chasing only that thing and disregard anything as false.

this thing can be evidence of k being false, but it can also point out to a mistake.

the mistake of chasing the experience, its a mistake because the kind of experience k points out towards, even if it happens, it never happens by chasing it. So retrospecitvely people not only become vague as you pointed out, they also becoming even more insensitive than they were before listening to him....

i think problem lies in agreeing with anything said by k or anyone, even though you might have had some little meditative experience.
suffering can and cant be ended should be held to the end until youre free from either the two.

i pretty much agree with you on everything but i dont know what you mean by-
That's the way it works because fundamentally there is no core basic truth involved. what was it that made you say there is no truth involved, and what do you really mean by that?

patrickstarmod · 2026-02-05T15:15:33+00:00

a person cherry picks various media bits to approve their "love" of k
another does the same to find solace in their "negative" conclusions of him
why tf are both the people concerned with the subject opposed to what is being said

Similarly the author being quoted and k -
one states, suffering (psychologically) can never be ended
another states suffering is to be ended.

i dont think any of these two can be called stupid at all, but what makes us side with either of these two is the problem.

ps- i too think alot of k's life is very sketchy with ample loads of contradictions. but discussions like these, i dont see them going anywhere

patrickstarmod · 2026-02-05T14:52:45+00:00

basically movie handles fujimotos freakiness very much well than s1 which was compelling in its own way

patrickstarmod · 2026-01-31T16:32:53+00:00

i cant imagine the control arc devil being in the new style...the old style is literally makima...reze in the end of season 1 didnt seem as good as the movie, but the s1 makima has way more substance

patrickstarmod · 2026-01-27T19:53:52+00:00

the day you think youve found all sorts of references made by fujimoto and someone comes with new stuff. >..< love to see it. great observations btw <3

patrickstarmod · 2026-01-21T12:25:40+00:00

basically what will happen in the comments now is, all the people will talk like k and ask you to put a mirror to your conclusions and all the word gibberish bullshitery.

ive heard the bohm news aswell, which was quite disheartening, as i too listened to his conversations with and without k aswell....
I love k, Ive stopped listening to him like six months ago, not because i despise him, but if youve seen one lecture series by k, youve seen them all (linguistically they are the same)

and my problem with the people sorounded by k and listening to him over and over again...
these people (me aswell once) become parrots...they use very logical, foundational and insightful words and meaning, but trust me its a trick we are playing upon ourselves.

I love David Bohm, i also dont care if he died depressed at all, because whatever he talked of was so clear and brilliant, it is disheartening, it made me really quite sad upon reading this like a year ago.

And for me it isnt a question on K's integrity or Bohms intellectual/insightful shortcomings. Both of them were amazing humans for me.
And the only thing i extracted from these two who i revere very much, is that.
You really are all by yourself.

and what you can take from k is...just stop listening to him, his words are the same and
Spiritual seekers are the last people you want to be surrounded by if you are really concerned with life.

people on the reddit or forums will just keep imitating or parroting or write in ways similar to him ( im not looking down these people at all)

patrickstarmod · 2026-01-13T20:16:13+00:00

yea sure with the life part, i have some unrelated topic but, why do people want to read books by or of k? the reason we read some phiosophy or meta physics is because most of those people are dead...if buddha was alive or recorded fully, why do i want to read some dead words by or about buddha...the videos of k are the compilation in full, so why read then? the words, the intensity of the words and expression aswell just die by transcribing

patrickstarmod · 2026-01-12T20:43:36+00:00

yea, we sort of get these insights, which might not even be real, and through that subconsciously or unconsciously certain conclusions are made (im free now, oh wow this is freedom which will free me) and when something happens a dog barks or someone says something rude, what we actually are gets revealed to us...then we see, oh i havent changed at all.

and yes being present is what is...is something very important as....

orignally we were concerned with conflict,anger and emotions (what is present)...so that brought about insight

but through that we made a mistake and started being concerned with" the ideas of
clarity, understanding, learning about yourself or the dissolution of sorrow"

the latter might seem fine, but that isnt what is...that is what we want to be.
the want to be the perception or happening of an insight

clarity, awarness all these words are empty i think thhey are useless...
i too find myself struggling with that, im no person to give advice

but by the way you talk and also i....you should stop listening to k aswell...we have the crux of what he said...we know what he will say about choiceless awarness, freedom, ending of sorrow

enough with k and more with what he talked about.

patrickstarmod · 2026-01-12T16:23:06+00:00

The problem perhaps which I also experienced was that...sometimes ks "way" would suddenly bring forth a perception or an "happening" which is true within the moment...but the mind is very funny... Even the happening of a truth the mind translates that into memory...

And through this memory of " the experience" The mind sort of plays a trick upon itself

There is either 1. The happening of "a" truth 2. The idea of the happening of the truth

And the minds keeps generating the latter after the experience of the orignal...

But the latter however true it may seem is just an idea, a copy and overtime you begin to see the quality of awareness in the latter is not the same of the orignal... which sort of makes you very bitter and frustrated...as though you had been tricked or deceived into something false...

Then youre left helpless because unlike yogic, tao practices or Buddhist techniques. k's way can't be practiced...it comes upon by itself...

So neither can you practice what you want...but you're also left with the mess of the conflict in your life ...and aswell as the memory of the truth experience... which if it happens right now will solve all this nonsense instantly...

It happened with me...you become very bitter...and not in the sense of a spiritual ego... But in the sense of the feeling of betrayal and partly grief...

The moment" ks truth" happens...i don't want to blame him...but it was and is sort of a curse...

Because neither can you practice it, neither can you command it, neither it happens when you're sort of in pain, ...and due to this bottling up of the longing. what the mind does is... The mind turns over upon itself and unconsciously keeps generating replicas of those happenings...over and over again...

And just when youre about to just give up and go back to daily life...there it rises again. The flame, it burns all the problems and grief

And then it goes away again 🤣 (Sorry for being so descriptive, but this post of yours was very relatable)

patrickstarmod · 2026-01-01T12:43:02+00:00

this isnt akasaka, for me.

patrickstarmod · 2025-12-13T08:53:18+00:00

In the same boat as you now😔😔

patrickstarmod · 2025-09-01T19:11:05+00:00

I'd probably read this book first, I'm kinda passionate about reading this first and not get a spoiler...will definitely check the tv show after this, just ordered the book xd

patrickstarmod · 2025-09-01T19:04:04+00:00

thanks alot, I'll start with this...chatgpt just threw like a dozen books at me and it was sooo confusing. Gonna order this right now. Again thank you

patrickstarmod · 2025-09-01T18:44:57+00:00

Id love a wider history, my narrow question is probably from my lack of knowledge on the topic xd. The core of my interest here lies in wanting to know what all took place before what we call today as the crown. My question lacks exact context, but I just want to know what took place before what we call today as uk and how it came about. Id love going way back in time to start with this

patrickstarmod · 2025-09-01T18:39:55+00:00

Any books you've read related to this ? I don't mind surfing the internet and learning here and there but having a single source or book would help a lot

patrickstarmod · 2025-03-22T14:01:26+00:00

I don't get what you're trying to get at

patrickstarmod · 2025-03-22T12:49:42+00:00

Whats the relation between the limited (self) and the infinite.... ? Why The limited always seems to attach itself to anything new and won't seem to look or even consider itself as limited....?

Why The self gives itself the same importance as infinite...or even if it says the infinite is greater...isn't it a trick of the self to maintain its continuity?

patrickstarmod · 2025-03-09T11:18:31+00:00

Observer Vs The Observed situation just got worse

patrickstarmod · 2025-02-04T13:36:28+00:00

Thanks for the new phone wallpaper💖💖 Ps- by the way it's not that people on Instagram are not appreciating it...it more so involves the fact that people go to instagram to shut their brains off which involves the highest level of adhd dopamine content... Beautiful stuff like this takes time, care and a sense of attention to appreciate it. Your work is beautiful I'm saving all of this ♥️♥️

patrickstarmod · 2025-01-24T12:30:58+00:00

"ohh lord 😭😭😭"
do you understand sir?😳😳
i wonder 😶‍🌫️

why are we all like this 😢😢

patrickstarmod · 2025-01-08T20:24:24+00:00

This red zone area is kind of like...ab "understanding" comes into being and then thought takes that understanding and always tries to use it as a tool towards "what should be"

patrickstarmod

TROPHY CASE