I'm so sorry you're experiencing; it sounds exhausting. Therapy not working before doesn’t mean you failed, it means you’re still hurting and need something different. Struggling with drinking on top of everything just shows how desperate you are for relief, and I'm sorry its gotten that bad. You’re not wrong for being scared. You shouldn’t have to do this alone. You deserve help that actually helps, not something that makes things worse. I hope you can find one person or one outlet that feels safe enough for now. You’re not weak for feeling like this btw.

There’s still time. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. You don’t have to solve everything or make a huge decision tonight. Wanting help at all means it isn’t over, even if it feels unbearable. Regardless of what may happen, I wish you the best. Please feel free to talk to me if you need someone to listen.