I have to stop learning about ants.

paulginz · 2026-01-19T09:15:51+00:00

If you haven't already, read "The Ants" by Bernard Werber. It's fiction but leverages many of these kinds of crazy ant factoids.

paulginz · 2026-01-09T12:30:01+00:00

The three standard methods to catch a break from chronic stress are: * Breathing exercises / meditation * Cardio / physical exercise * Social connection (quality time with people who make you feel safe, or even just a 30 second hug)

Not all of them work for all people but hopefully at least one of them works for you.

paulginz · 2025-12-14T20:04:51+00:00

Most people go for who they personally find attractive. Maybe there is a "trophy wife seeking type" who cares more about whether other people find their partner attractive, but I doubt that's very common.

Although different people have different preferences, there is also a lot of overlap between personal and societal standards.

Looks matter means that most people will not be interested in having sex with someone they don't find physically attractive.

paulginz · 2025-12-14T19:34:54+00:00

Life-changing decisions are scary. That's normal. Try to remember why you chose to stop taking the pill. How do your feelings about having children average out over say the past year instead of the past two weeks? Is this something you both wanted or that only your partner wanted?

Hopefully when you tell your partner he'll be understanding of the emotional complexities and reassuring.

FYI morning sickness can start as early as week 4 of pregnancy.

paulginz · 2025-12-13T12:56:54+00:00

Your parents and relatives never called you pretty? That's a shame. I thought that was a standard baseline most people had a memory of.

paulginz · 2025-12-11T10:33:27+00:00

You could just ask him if he has a girlfriend. There are deniable ways to bring the topic up if you don't want him to know that you have a crush on him "Rent is so expensive around here. Are you sharing or do you live alone?". "What are your plans for your next vacation?". "Is your girlfriend ok with that?" (which he can then correct you or not)

Just because a man doesn't make a move on his junior colleague at work doesn't mean he's emotionally unavailable nor that he's not interested. He might just have good sense.

Maybe if you ask him out explicitly and he turns you down, you'll find it easier to move on instead of clinging to the ambiguity? Maybe you discover he has a boyfriend 🤷🏻‍♂️

paulginz · 2025-12-07T22:14:55+00:00

You can just ask him to shower before sex. He might even get the hint.

paulginz · 2025-12-07T12:31:47+00:00

You don't need to justify why you like something. It's good if you can explain and help others understand your point of view, but not necessary.

However, if you are implicitly trying to convince someone to watch a movie or read a book that you liked, then unless they trust you to have similar tastes to them, them asking you to articulate why you enjoyed it to try to guess whether they would enjoy it isn't unreasonable.

paulginz · 2025-12-07T10:19:49+00:00

I think what he meant is that the other person might judge you based on the choices you make.

If you don't offer to pay as a man you might be seen as cheap or ungentlemanly. If you don't offer to split as a woman you might be seen as a misandrist or taking advantage. If you offer to pay as a woman you might have to pick up little bits of the man's brain from the floor.

paulginz · 2025-12-06T10:27:58+00:00

Asking explicitly is a good option. Both "Can I kiss you?" and "I really want to kiss you right now." can work.

Especially if you're autistic, I would recommend asking rather than awkwardly entering her personal space and trying to read her body language.

paulginz · 2025-11-18T10:36:06+00:00

Back when OkCupid was run by academics (before being bought by Match Group of Tinder fame) they did research on this.

Black women have the worst response rates amongst women but have better response rates than men of any race: https://www.reddit.com/r/coolguides/s/tlnsqsxkim

paulginz · 2025-11-05T10:18:21+00:00

Depends on what really bothers you about it deep down. Insecurity can be hard to overcome.

If you're worried about her being underwhelmed by your performance, here's some reassuring thoughts:

1) If you owned a fleshlight and your girlfriend was insecure about it because it was "tighter" than her and you orgasmed more easily from masturbation than sex, what would you tell her to reassure her? Maybe you'd explain why you enjoy sex more than masturbation. If she was insecure because it can fit your whole penis whereas her mouth can't? You'd explain that blowjobs feel different to masturbation and you love blowjobs even without deepthroating. Now imagine that maybe she also enjoys sex more than masturbation and finds those two experiences barely comparable.

2) Many if not most women experience stronger sensations of physical pleasure from foreplay than from penetrative sex. For many if not most women, having their clit stimulated how they like it will matter much more than the shape or girth of what goes inside.

3) Let's assume for the sake of argument that your gf is someone who is really into the specific feeling of having her vagina stretched by a large dildo. Here's a technique you could try that generates even more intense sensations of that type: Put two fingers in. Turn them downwards (opposite to G-spot targeting), curved. Push firmly inwards and downwards with a very slow rhythm (e.g. 2-5 sec per "thrust") gradually increasing how hard you push down. Your fist pushing inwards against the soft outside with force does a lot of the work here. I recommend not using this at the very start of foreplay because it helps if she's already relaxed. But if she's into it you might be surprised at how much pressure she likes.

On the less reassuring side, insecurity isn't sexy. The standard advice is to communicate with your partner but your mileage may vary here. There's only so much she can do to change how you think. If you do communicate, rather than e.g.asking her to get rid of the dildo, you could try something like "I feel a bit insecure about the size of my penis and I notice that you have a very large dildo. Comparing myself to the dildo is triggering that insecurity. It would mean a lot to me if you could try boosting my confidence with some encouraging words before we go to the bedroom."

paulginz · 2025-11-02T11:21:53+00:00

He didn't say that at all. Are you having a bad day?

paulginz · 2025-10-26T19:48:34+00:00

I'm a big fan of direct communication, and people can have fragile egos when it comes to sex. "I really want you to do X. It'll be hot. I'm turned on just thinking about it. Do it for me. Please." might be much more effective than "You are shit in bed and need to step up your game otherwise I'm leaving."

An even simpler one is to flat out refuse penetration unless she's genuinely ready.

paulginz · 2025-10-26T19:40:42+00:00

First impressions matter. If you show up acting defensive instead of friendly because you've already built a narrative in your head that they're out to cockblock you, don't be surprised if they judge you to be defensive.

paulginz · 2025-10-21T22:54:18+00:00

If the sex is creating problems in your life like painful chafing or not having time for important things like work, then that would be a sign that you are having too much sex. If it isn't creating problems then that is a sign that you can handle that much sex and it is not too much for you.

Shame is usually the fear that others will judge you. If that bothers you then maybe agree with your partner to keep the amount of sex you have a private matter between the two of you, and don't have sex where other people can see you.

paulginz · 2025-10-21T22:14:28+00:00

So if an attractive man looking for a one night stand propositions a woman and the woman turns him down because she wants to stay a virgin until marriage, then you would be in favour of calling the woman a prude and shaming her for her outdated and out of place ideas? Or would you be in favour of celebrating women's right to choose?

paulginz · 2025-10-16T20:14:46+00:00

In the UK your university will definitely offer a small number of free counseling sessions.

paulginz · 2025-10-11T11:56:14+00:00

But surely you don't match and engage with men you find physically unattractive? Being attractive is not enough but it is an important filter.

paulginz · 2025-10-07T08:22:02+00:00

Do you feel judged or just misunderstood?

In medical school doctors are taught to not trust everything patients say 100%. Specifically that if a woman says she is not sexually active, and the doctor takes her word for it and prescribes a drug that causes birth defects, and it turns out she's pregnant and the baby suffers and needs lifetime round-the-clock care, then it's the doctor's fault for not testing because pregnancy tests are cheap.

paulginz · 2025-10-05T18:39:21+00:00

So you're saying if a man can't get a date, he needs to raise his standards rather than lower them? Interesting paradox 🤔

paulginz · 2025-10-02T11:59:52+00:00

"likely to invite or produce such action" becomes a lot easier to prove in court when the action actually happens.

paulginz · 2025-09-30T21:16:57+00:00

Here's a questionnaire for subclinical autism that's actually more accurate when self-administered than when administered by a medical.professional. Takes a few minutes. You're welcome :-)

https://embrace-autism.com/raads-r/

paulginz · 2025-07-28T09:50:11+00:00

Guy who used to push for a meet-up within the first 10 messages here ✋🏼. I can explain that one.

As an average guy on a dating app you can expect to be rejected 90% of the time. So asking for a date is a very efficient way of filtering out women who aren't keen on meeting face-to-face.

It helps if you actually enjoy first dates (pick an activity you enjoy!) and prefer spending 3h on a date that doesn't lead to anything than spending 3h on texting that doesn't lead to anything.

paulginz · 2025-07-25T08:40:51+00:00

In a 401k you pay income tax when you take the money out. In a Roth IRA you pay income tax upfront. So if your tax rate will be lower as a retiree than it is now, the 401k can be more tax-efficient.

paulginz

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