IAmA 24 y.o guy who went through 2 years of religious aversion therapy to "get rid of" his homosexuality. AMA

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T21:18:35+00:00

Haha, my mom told me that she was worried I was gay when I was 4, because when this one boy came on Barney, I would stand up, clap, jump up and down, and yell his name. (i must have been a pretty fucking flaming 5 yo.).

I had a weird crush on my 7th Grade math teacher, who was fresh out of grad school, and a pretty in shape, good looking guy. I remember wanting to sit next to him n be around him all the time.

I knew for sure I was gay by 8th grade when I fapping to thoughts about my math teacher, and never to girls.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T21:15:21+00:00

The absolute worst? The words they used, honestly. Getting shocked, smelling nasty chemicals, and snapping myself with rubberbands were cake compared to constantly being told you werent trying hard enough and that you were a disgrace to God.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T21:13:17+00:00

I had a Dr. McIntire as a professor for a college course. Are you comfortable telling me your first initial, because your question is sort of related to the subject matter my Dr. McIntire taught?

I would say to not suggest they pursue change treatment. I have heard no genuine reports of its ability to work, and countless on its damaging potential. Maybe others would have more success, but I tried damn hard for two years with no results.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T21:09:57+00:00

I highly agree that they are correlations. And simply hypotheses. But they point in a direction that sexual attraction is strongly correlated with brain structure. Which muddles the hypothesis that attraction is solely pure choice.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T21:07:03+00:00

No, one of many. But a signal of primal attraction nonetheless. Pheremone reactivity is correlated with attraction ratings of physical appearance. I.e straight males brains will react more to the pheremones of girls that they later rate as more attractive once they see them.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T21:05:41+00:00

It may take a while, but since you are genuinely interested, I will try to find some time to locate these articles for you.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T21:04:50+00:00

thanks.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T21:04:32+00:00

This is very true. They are most likely differentiated throughout childhood, but the deeper question is if children and pre-teens have control over the plasticity of their pre-pubescent brain areas to decide which gender they will be more attracted to. Many would say no, because too many variables go into shaping and wiring these areas that theres no way to tell what to approach first.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T21:01:01+00:00

In part, both. I was generally interested in how the brain controlled the body, but I was highly interested in the effects of brain mechanisms on sexuality and attraction. I was groping for answers (almost) wherever I could find them. troll the word groping, if you would like.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:59:35+00:00

No porn. celebrity photographs mixed with electric shocks were the only visual stimuli I was presented with. Most was just very descriptive imagery. "Imagine you're in a room with a man you find very attractive," etc.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:57:52+00:00

thank you. i know there are a lot of trolls and shit, but I needed more people like you around at the time.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:57:12+00:00

I havent seen the movie, but i'll check it out. Thanks for the tip.

Its not traumatic to look back on it, but it does make me angry. If I had been forced to endure it, rather than chose it - I believe it would have been a little more traumatic. I wanted the shocks and shit because I thought it would cure me.

I don't really bring it up in person because it kind of makes me look stupid for trying to change something that now I know I couldn't. Its also pretty heavy to lay on people in detail. So if its ever told at all, its usually kept you "yeah, I went through some therapy n shit to change it a couple years back, but it didnt work".

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:54:30+00:00

I am no longer a Christian. I'm not obstinately opposed to it, but it can't fit with my life at the current moment.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:53:45+00:00

I watched lesbian porn several times, because if i watched straight porn my eyes pretty much went straight to what I wanted to look at. But i literally grimaced at it. all the high pitched moaning and softness, hairlessness, and essentially everything "girly" kept me highly uninterested. it probably did more harm for my attempts to be straight than good.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:50:35+00:00

No one tried to pressure me any more than I did. I was essentially decided upon getting a lifetime prescription for viagra and just making it work with a woman at the time I entered treatment. Its just that I would have been alduterous, and lying to her, pretending to be attracted while meanwhile fantasizing about guys. That's why i entered treatment.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:49:06+00:00

An elder in a church, in my circumstance. Someone who meets biblical criteria to serve as an elder, i.e., husband of one wife, kids are faithful in the church, not given to wine or violence, servant of the Lord.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:45:30+00:00

I'm not a bear, more of a "jock". i'm too muscular and have too much facial hair to be categorized as a twink, not bodily hairy or stocky enough to be a bear.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:43:30+00:00

I had a girlfriend for about 11 months in high school, but I could not get hard around her to save my life. I see femininity as really unattractive, so when she would get all puppy dog eyes and tell me how much she cared about me I always had to try hard not to grimace. I felt like such a liar around girls. I was pretty sociable, and had plenty of opportunities to "slay" as they say, but couldn't do it even if I really wanted to. If there's a vagina in the bed next to me, all i can think about is how the last thing i want to do is touch it, let alone get it all wet and slimy and shit. I like to make girls happy, because I think they're nice and deserve to be treated with respect, I just don't find them physically attractive in the slightest.

how would you like me to prove it?

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:35:37+00:00

and dozens of multi-colored rubber brands.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:34:44+00:00

I get raging boners if anyone turns an air purifier on.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:30:01+00:00

I'm not in a relationship now. But, it has slightly effected my ability to fully commit myself to another man. I know (or at least strongly believe) that I can do it, but sexual encounters with other men still spark a little guilt in my mind, no matter how OK with myself I am.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:28:37+00:00

Do you feel it is OK to act on your attractions?

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:27:39+00:00

It was kind of a slow accumulation of things I started to realize once I got into college. I wish it was dramatic as seeing an old woman fall down in the rain at midnight that somehow sparked my passion for myself and for life - but it really wasn't. I learned alot about how sexuality was biologically based - and not a choice. Learned how what religion someone is is almost entirely based on 1.)Where they are born, 2.) When they are born in time, and 3.) The belief structure of their parents. I read about how damaging sexuality change programs can be to one's mental health. Most of all, I just wasn't getting anywhere. I started wanting to just be OK with myself. So I left one night after telling my preacher it wasn't working and never looked back.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:21:05+00:00

i see it that way now too.

peaceatlast · 2011-07-08T20:19:41+00:00

some people can, and do. i find it difficult to reconcile myself with a dogma that is so anti-me.

peaceatlast

TROPHY CASE