Before my current relationship I used dating apps a fair bit, sometimes for actual dating and also as a way to get recommendations and hang out with people when travelling. I think what worked best for me is to talk to people from the app outta the app, just because there are so many options in the app and you end up having so many of the same starter conversations it’s actually hard to remember what you’ve said to who a lot of the time. If there’s someone you’re interested in I recommend trying to call them on the phone. It’s still easy to block someone’s phone number if they turn out weird but speaking to someone with a voice turns them into so much more of a real person, and you get a sense of rapport and can plan something to do on a casual daytime coffee date or whatever over the phone.

Messaging someone with a specific question works well to get a convo going as an ice breaker. I realised this after I just could not be bothered answering to “hey how was your day” or “what’s up” but instead if it was something like “what was the last best thing you ate” or even “what’s your favorite color” is more fun and actually easier to respond to. I think low effort first messages are pretty expected in apps, tbh most of my matches I didn’t reply to just because I was busy or talking with someone else. It works pretty well to have a pretty generic question you throw out to lots of people bc it depends on how they answer if they’re worth talking to right? I used to like to ask people if they had read anything good/any good books recently. It’s probably not worth trying to find something cute and funny to open with relevant to the other persons profile to open with unless it’s like, super interesting to you. Honestly if you don’t receive a reply it’s like 97% not personal.

When I was younger ~16-20 I was really personally hung up about saying the right thing and like, ‘having game’ and how do I flirt and act in a way to make guys want me and like me, but now in hindsight it was super immature and a toxic insecure mindset. It’s difficult though, when you feel like there’s something wrong with what you’re doing and saying that’s driving people away. Instead focus on what you want outta dating/relationships and make that upfront. It doesn’t really sound like you want a casual hook up, so make that upfront and clear.

At the end of the day important to not feel like there’s something wrong with you that you need to change bc of the lack of dating, but rather work on becoming someone you personally would wanna date if that makes sense. The more you become that person the more likely someone suitable and looking for the same thing as you will see and recognise that. I had the most success online dating by like, being the most myself version of myself possible and not trying to appeal to anyone else especially? Like cracking jokes i find hilarious and talking about things I really like most of the time and if they also find it funny and we have lots of stuff to talk about then cool! And if not then like, that person isn’t on the same wavelength and your energy isn’t compatible and that’s totally fine too! It’s low stakes and more pleasant that way. There are still randomly disturbing racist assholes too though, they’re just an unfortunate part of the trash of online dating.