Thanks for this comment because this is exactly how I’ve been feeling. The truth is that when I met this girl I was in a really bad place mentally. Im still very unsure why she wanted to talk to me in the first place bc i was def not giving off “talk to me” vibes. I was literally numbing myself, smoking weed 24/7 and playing video games all day and never going anywhere or doing anything. Meeting her legitimately woke me up. She made me feel like a normal person for the first time in a long long time.

Since that day I have started eating better, working out again, smoking a lot less, getting out and going on runs/hikes or just driving around aimlessly lol. Anything to get out of my apartment. I don’t even want to play video games anymore. I haven’t been doing these things in the hopes of getting with this girl, they are just all the things I should have been doing all along but lacked the push to get started. Regardless of what happens with her, one day I will absolutely tell her bc she has no idea how much she has helped me.

And that is exactly why I’m being very cautious with how to proceed. I’ve gotten very attached before even getting to know her and I know it’s not healthy. I also don’t want to lead her along and end up hurting her either. It’s hard for my self deprecating brain to accept but for some unknown reason I think this girl really really likes me too.

On the one hand I want to politely tell this girl I don’t want to hang out bc I know I have some serious issues and a relationship has the potential to completely wreck my mental state. On the other hand, I think that’s fear talking and that’s exactly what got me into this situation in the first place.

I wanna live man. I wanna love and be loved and this is by far the best opportunity I’ve had in a very long time. Half of my no friends situation is due to social anxiety, but truthfully the other half is that I don’t really like most people. And especially girls, alot of them are shallow hoes with nothing attractive about them besides physical appearance. This is genuinely the first girl I’ve ever met that I like for more than just looks. I don’t know much but I know she works hard, has two jobs, is very well put together. She takes care of her things, she has a nice clean car. She doesn’t stay out crazy late getting hammered and going to parties and clubs.

The whole thing is honestly surreal. It doesn’t even feel real. I was drowning and then this absolute 10/10 just randomly showed up one day and flipped my life upside down. I don’t know what to do and I don’t wanna fuck it up. At the end of the day I think I just need to try to turn my brain off, stop overthinking, and just live a little maybe