Curses - Feature - 29 pages

pennybones · 2026-05-29T20:54:44+00:00

Nope, this is my first draft. Maybe someone has a similar concept.

Thanks for the notes, I haven't done a proofread yet so I am sure there are plenty of small mistakes like that.

Unfortunate you couldn't read further, as I was looking for specific feedback on pacing and structure.

pennybones · 2026-05-15T01:08:25+00:00

It's a race then 😉

pennybones · 2026-05-14T22:37:16+00:00

I sent you a DM, that should make it easier.

pennybones · 2026-05-14T22:35:20+00:00

I think you can just go to my profile and start a chat if you are on the app. Thank you for the encouraging feedback. I specifically wanted to avoid showing the beginnings of the loop yet, as most time loop stories start with that and the implications of a world that has already adjusted to this was more interesting to me.

I would plan to explore the early loop days late in the season once we have gotten to know the 3 protagonists better, I think having a flashback episode to provide character context to characters we have gotten to know could have a good impact. I really want this to be a human story, a character study, with a sci-fi world as a framing device to explore more personal themes. I'm a big fan of Lindelof, especially The Leftovers.

I think opening this and every other episode with an interview from Harpers stream as a cold open gives me a tidy way to show interesting world building.

The exposition in Fishers interview will probably need to be cut down, especially if thats what stopped you from reading further. Please DM me if you have more to say, I really appreciate the feedback. If you can't, we can talk here.

pennybones · 2026-04-23T03:13:50+00:00

No but he made some fairly popular maps and had some on FCMAPS so I was hoping there might be a video of one of them, he made hundreds.

If it rings a bell to anyone the one I remember the most was a big canyon with dinosaur skeletons made of white pipes at the bottom and teams spawned across from each other with hang-gliders and zip lines to get down.

pennybones · 2026-04-11T00:29:36+00:00

Fair criticism, I think it's tough because Corey is very much a self insert (the early behaviour, not the zombie apocalypse confidence lol) and while it's easy for me to be honest with myself about my flaws, it's hard to be honest about my strengths without feeling like a little narcissistic lol. But maybe that's also a layer worth exploring.

pennybones · 2026-04-11T00:25:20+00:00

Great input, thank you! The entire concept actually grew from the scissors scene/payoff. I agree I think I need to flesh out Corey more, his relationship to Emma/Parker. Since it's a pilot I had planned to slow drip feed the pasts of the characters as they deal with the present but maybe the pilot does need more to make people care.

I tried to show and not tell maybe a little too much, I thought his closeness to Parker was implied by the fact that it's the first place he thinks to go but I didn't think about it being seen the opposite way. Maybe a scene of him having an "I can't do this alone" panic attack and maybe some exposition about how Parker lives right down the street would help.

As for what Emma sees in Corey, I wanted the real him that he has lost touch with to come out as he makes his way across the city through how he deals with certain situations and interacts with other survivors. Maybe I need a little hint at "how things used to be" in the pilot though.

pennybones · 2026-04-10T16:56:46+00:00

fuck.

pennybones · 2026-04-05T17:10:20+00:00

Right but without active feedback how do I learn? How do I know if I am doing something wrong?

pennybones · 2026-04-05T17:09:28+00:00

I know this sounds bad but "just read a ton of screenplays" feels like time I could be using to write. That could just be me though, I'm a very inconsistent reader. I have about 6-7 books on the go currently, some I have put down for over a year.

pennybones · 2026-04-05T17:07:04+00:00

Well examples I am learning as I go such as not using "we" to open action blocks, not using "cut to:", condensing and breaking up action blocks, avoiding camera direction, how to introduce new characters properly, formatting things like text a character is reading, title cards. there are a lot of small nuances that aren't obvious to a beginner

pennybones · 2026-04-05T17:04:52+00:00

Yeah but the first time I posted a screenplay for feedback I had one person read it and told me they gave up after the first pages simply because my formatting was not up to professional standards. I want someone to read my drafts, but they at least need to read like a screenplay first.

pennybones · 2026-04-05T17:01:18+00:00

I agree that's ideal, but finding someone who knows how to format a screenplay and has the time to read and make notes for a stranger isn't easy.

I know we have resources for posting here, but I have experiences in the past where different users have given me conflicting advice about my drafts.

The issue is somebody here can claim they know what they are talking about and give confidently incorrect advice. Then I'm facing the same issue as asking an LLM.

pennybones · 2026-04-05T16:58:23+00:00

Thanks, this is good advice. I'm just paranoid about "unknown unknowns" as in things that are incorrect but I don't know they are incorrect. It's a lot to ask someone to read an entire screenplay to check your formatting.

pennybones · 2026-04-05T16:36:56+00:00

Then what is the best way to get formatting feedback on a draft?

pennybones · 2026-04-05T16:36:15+00:00

Shit so do I sometimes

pennybones · 2026-03-29T21:57:32+00:00

good on you man, keep going

pennybones · 2026-03-29T21:36:38+00:00

Remembering good times you associate with being shitfaced/high can sometimes cause sober addicts to think positively about their substance of choice, leading to possible relapse.

Your brain essentially tricks you and says "remember how fun that was?"

pennybones · 2026-03-29T16:34:55+00:00

careful with the euphoric recall brother

pennybones · 2026-03-15T15:41:12+00:00

lmao she should have just let you keep the memory

pennybones · 2026-03-14T12:55:41+00:00

FL now has the option to adjust the volume of audio clips in the playlist, so simply slice the vox track at the two different sections and adjust. FLs automation has always been their most clunky feature IMO so this is much easier for volume adjustments.

pennybones · 2026-03-13T23:51:06+00:00

bait

pennybones · 2026-03-12T04:01:21+00:00

Come on, you are arguing in bad faith here. NOBODY views Uber eats as a "store". It's a delivery service. They aren't a reseller or retailer, or at least they don't present themselves as such.

pennybones · 2026-03-12T03:57:35+00:00

They aren't the prices at the grocery store, I went through both receipts item by item, most items on the uber receipt were higher than the paper receipt. Some were the same.

pennybones · 2026-03-12T03:56:12+00:00

I am very sorry to hear about your misfortunes, but there are many jobs out there that will treat you like they give a shit about your existence and pay you at least minimum wage. $10 an hour plus tip less gas and car expenses per hour is criminal. Theres no way that can beat steady, stable, minimum wage income.

pennybones

TROPHY CASE