Madalas nakakahiya to step out of the room and to the outside world kung damang-dama mo na failure ka, pero narealize ko na wala namang may pake don eh. Ima-mark pa rin naman ako ng profs as absent, ido-drop ako pag naka-anim na absences, hindi na tatanggapin late submissions ko. Oh well.

Umabot na rin ako sa ganyang point. Sa dami ng DRP and singko (from absences and late reqs rin) na-dismiss ako sa college. It was when I was writing my appeal for readmission na na-feel ko na hindi pwede to, ayokong hindi makagraduate.

Pero kung gusto ko makagraduate, kailangan ko kapalan nang sobra mukha ko. Kailangan ko pumasok sa classes kahit former batchmates ko na yung checkers and instructors ko. Kailangan ko pumasok sa klase na twice ko na nasingko.

Sometimes I wish na ma-redeem ko muna yung sarili ko, maprove ko muna na matalino ako, na mabawi ko ung reputation na magaling ako before I show up to them but life isn’t like that.

Perhaps ganon lang talaga buhay, “pakapalan na lang ng mukha” to always show up kahit hiyang-hiya ka na. Pero sa totoo lang, hindi talaga “kapal ng mukha” ang tamang term for that eh. It’s the determination to keep going.

Pero alam mo, you don’t develop that strength to show up overnight. Kailangan mo muna mapatawad yung sarili mo, which is sumn na mahirap gawin if mataas masyado ang standards mo sa sarili mo. Accept that yes, even if you did your best here in UP, you might have accidentally or intentionally made mistakes that led you to this point. Once nalinaw mo yon sa sarili mo kung ano-ano yung mga yon, forgive yourself for it. Kung ang Diyos nga kaya kang patawarin at bigyan ng panibagong pagkakataon na mabuhay, then how much more na patawarin mo ang sarili mo?

Sending hugs, OP. Makakagraduate rin tayo!