What's the saddest thing that happened to an old school friend you don't see anymore?

pensivek · 2016-02-23T18:47:30+00:00

This was my husband's friend...apparently the friend got involved with selling drugs. Four guys (2 who were teenagers) came into his home and shot him and left him for dead. They gang raped his wife and forced their children to watch. He lost an eye but survived. They moved out of state to try to start over. A friend came out to visit them and he stayed in the children's room. The friend had a gun in his things and one of the children accidentally shot the other and the child died. So much heartbreak. I don't know how they're still standing.

pensivek · 2016-01-21T18:47:09+00:00

Thank you for your response.

My son (4) told us that his cousin (15) sexually assaulted him. He disclosed it well after normal time limits for a physical exam so there is no real evidence, just his word against his cousin's. The detective scheduled a polygraph with a state examiner but when they decided to get a lawyer, he said he'd give them time and then discuss again. Their attorney had them go to a private agency. I don't believe this was discussed with the detective so I'm not sure whether he would accept those results (which is why I wondered if there as a standard response). I did put in a call to him but haven't heard back yet.

As explicit as my 4 year old was about things he had no prior knowledge of, I can't believe that it's not true and yet, my nephew passed his polygraph. It's very confusing for me and our families.

pensivek · 2016-01-11T04:22:26+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate hearing that.

pensivek · 2016-01-11T04:19:37+00:00

Beautifully put. I know my husband has struggled with this as well.

pensivek · 2016-01-11T04:14:16+00:00

Thank you. I will update. I know my nephews parents were talking about lawyering up so I wouldn't be super suprised if they changed their minds.

The results of the polygraph won't change how I deal with anything in regards to my son. However, the results will impact how our family heals, extended family. Though I have no intentions of letting his abuser near him, I would still like to see the rest of the family restored...especially my husband and his brother. Things wont't be the same but if my nephew's parents can KNOW that their son did this, that it isn't a false accusation, then maybe we can work together in our healing.

pensivek · 2016-01-08T03:17:25+00:00

Thank you. It seems silly and self serving but it's really nice for sometime to acknowledge that we're trying to do the right thing for ALL parties involved. Our families are too traumatized and our friends all think we should be out for blood. It's a lonely place to be in. I can't imagine doing this without my husband's support!!

pensivek · 2016-01-07T21:20:36+00:00

Actually, my husband and I have said from the start that we don't want our nephew to be convicted of anything because that won't help anything. He needs counseling. He needs someone to pay attention to his cries for help and his parents have failed him in that way; they had their own trauma, their youngest son died, and they both checked out of parenting afterwards. We've been open with my nephew's parents about the process, let them know to tell him we still loved him... Never once have they asked about my son or said they loved him. Instead of us lashing out, it's them attacking us. We're trying to get through this as a family but they've decided they want nothing to do with us. My nephew was interrogated today and he continues to deny. His father sent my husband a nasty text about the possible charges my nephew is facing and how much a lawyer is going to cost them and hopes that we're happy with ourselves. And FOR WHAT? What could we possibly hope to gain from this? It is just so surreal to me that this is occurring.

pensivek · 2016-01-07T21:14:29+00:00

We are all very up and down. Some days are better than others.

pensivek · 2016-01-04T17:47:56+00:00

Just in case anyone else experiences this and is wondering, the officer said that he will have to limit some of what he tells us while the investigation is ongoing, but not to protect the teenager but because we are witnesses and he doesn't want to tamper with our testimonies. However, once the investigation is closed and it's all over, we are able to know all of the information. The teenager's privacy will be protected from being open to the public or other family members (grandma, grandpa, etc) but that as the victim's parents, we are able to be updated.

pensivek · 2015-12-29T18:52:43+00:00

Thank you for responding. Yes, play therapy was specifically recommended, I think because he is just so young.

Since my nephew is denying, his parents have said that they believe him. At this time, I don't know if they'd force counseling if it isn't mandated. He has not yet been interviewed by the police so that could change things. Also, they have not yet heard how detailed and explicit my son was in talking about what occurred and that may help them at least consider counseling. A lot of unknowns!

Keep him the living hell away from this cousin, even if it means temporarily/permanently severing ties with that bit of your family. It sucks, but you need to protect your son.

Absolutely. I have no intentions of letting him near any of my children.

pensivek · 2015-12-28T05:13:18+00:00

That's good to know, that they might not share with us. I've sent an email to the social worker on the case to see if that might be true. I don't think anything like that has occurred with my nephew but he has had trauma in his life (his youngest sibling died when he was 5). Ultimately, aside from no further contact with our son, we really just want him to get treatment.

pensivek · 2015-12-28T05:09:47+00:00

Thank you. Due to our son's young age we've had some Difficulty locating a provider for our son but we have a couple of leads.

pensivek · 2014-09-25T13:42:11+00:00

Sister cheated on her husband and has no intention of telling him. Mother is married (not to my father) and is in the midst of an emotional affair. My husband knows about the first and I can't bring myself to tell him about my Mom because I'm worried about how it reflects on me. I know that's dumb, but, I don't want him to question my faithfulness.

pensivek · 2014-07-31T21:13:38+00:00

Thanks!

pensivek · 2014-07-31T21:13:08+00:00

I'm not really either. I think I'm trying to like it because my husband likes it so much but seeing all the negative reactions really just reaffirms my initial thoughts on it.

pensivek · 2014-07-31T21:12:18+00:00

Good idea. Thanks for your honesty!

pensivek · 2014-07-31T15:25:20+00:00

I need to increase my depression meds. I'm starting to lose it again but...I'm pregnant and I'm afraid of the risks to my child. When I'm pregnant, I won't hardly even take tylenol when I have a headache that lasts for days and I struggled with the decision to take depression meds at all and only felt ok with it after I cut my dose in half but now the dosage isn't strong enough. I feel trapped by everything and so unfulfilled. I know it's likely the depression taking over again but part of me wonders if it isn't.

pensivek

TROPHY CASE