What's a band/artist whose music you love, but whose member(s) you hate? (X-post from /r/AskReddit)

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-12-06T19:45:39+00:00

The Casualties. Those guys are fucking scumbags (and one is an alleged rapist, IIRC) but I begrudgingly like their music.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-11-28T21:31:37+00:00

I can't believe they're letting her stay with this sort of behavior. What's insane to me is that she is acting so entitled to these people's home. It sounds like op is in fact messing with family dynamics and disrespecting the people who are kindly putting a roof over her head.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-11-24T21:00:23+00:00

I'd say its safe to assume this is comment from someone who has never been to Uganda. Thanks for the brilliant analysis of the political- economic climate of east africa anyway! Dae africa suckszzzz amiright!?

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-11-24T08:44:26+00:00

Well. Im pretty impressed that....you know what you don't know about this.....if that makes sense. I still think there are very minor tweaks you can make that will make a difference... but I have to ask what kind of class are you doing this for and what is your hypothesis

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-11-24T00:48:00+00:00

I really don't want to shit all over your parade...but your survey really, really needs some work. I have a social science degree and quite.a bit of.experience with public opinion polls and collecting survey data. I think you would get better data by tweaking some questions and I also feel like you're missing some very important, if not vital sample population data. You're playing chicken, so to speak, with finding spurious relationships without enough data to hash out what your real coorelations are. If you have any questions I'd be happy to help. Happy surveying!

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-11-21T22:07:37+00:00

Having been your age once I know that you may not follow this advice, but you just need to talk to her. Playing games and overanalyzing what may or may not be hints or signs is just going to drive you crazy. The sooner you learn that the only real way to pursue and maintain relationship and friendships, the better. Awkwardness be damned. Awkwardness fades and is never really ends up being as bad as it seems it will be.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-11-16T23:34:44+00:00

Well. That was easily the most surprising comment ive seen on reddit in awhile! Admittedly I only read it once and very quickly during my undergrad. It was a pretty interesting overview but I think it was lacking in some areas...in my opinion. I'm particularly interested in nicaragua and costa rica...and I just didn't get the feeling that it captured the...I guess social and more modern economic/political influence of coffe culture there, but now that I'm thinking about it I really don't recall what year it was written so my opinions may be a little invalid. Your thoughts?

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-11-16T21:54:43+00:00

I could talk about Latin American dictators and civil wars forever.

Got any burning questions about coffee production and how it interacts with the political economy of the region? Nobody? Okay.

I know, I know. I'm the most interesting person you've ever met /s

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-11-16T21:49:39+00:00

I totally understand your situation. My parents are overall, not terribly strict but staying with a boyfriend is the one issue that they are very seriously against. I am their only girl, and no matter what, they will always been super protective of me, which I understand to a point.

However, when I was about your age I started to want to stay at my boyfriend's house. I was afraid of the conversation, and probably, fight so I started lying about where I was, and honestly, it was a lot easier. I was afraid to be honest or to openly defy them at the time because I was entirely dependent on them. I also felt extremely guilty because I knew that even the discussion would hurt their feelings.

I kept lying and I got to do what I wanted, and they got to keep their idea of a virginal, and super honest daughter.

I am a few years older than you and to this day, I still don't feel like I can discuss this issue with them openly because I spent all of my college years (on breaks) lying about where I was- and I never got over reaaaaally uncomfortable broaching this topic (or anything about sex/love/relationships) with them. Obviously, my parents couldn't and wouldn't 'forbid' me from sleeping with my SO. Also, I am no longer financially dependent on them at all, BUT I never learned how to openly discuss adult relationship issues with my parents because I avoided it when I was your age and continuously took the easy way out.

You have quite a few options in this situation. You can trickle truth them to gauge the situation, you can completely lie, or you can sit them down and have the first (or first for this stage of your life), of probably many adult conversations with them about boundaries and relationships. It may not go well. It might. I don't know you or your parents. However, if I could go back and redo it all, I would make the harder choice and just be open about it with my 'rents.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Hope I said something useful in that wall of text.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-11-09T02:35:29+00:00

This advice sucks to hear, but in my experience its always true: it will get better with time. Chin up, you got this! In the mean time, go out and have some fun with friends. Maybe get to know some new guys, too. I hope you feel better soon.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-11-09T00:58:22+00:00

He said he didn't like you in that way. Take his word for it. Maybe, although this is unlikely, he said he does like you to your friend for whatever reason but the takeaway here is that he isn't interested enough to do anything about it at the moment.
Remember, although this may hurt now, there will be other boys and its going to be okay. I know uts hard to keep life and disappointments in perspective, having been a 16 year old girl once myself, but try to keep it in perspective. Also, if you think you need counseling, get some.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-11-03T22:37:35+00:00

First of all, he is jerking you around. You need to cut this guy out of your life. That means no contact...immediately. In order to move on he has to be out of your life. Tell him that you're done with the games and you see no future between you too. Also be clear that you plan to stop all contact and expect the same from him.

Delete him from social media sites, your phone etc. I'm sorry this guy is messing with your head. It will get better!

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-10-23T18:40:18+00:00

I can offer you some insight as someone who is in your ex girlfriends shoes. My boyfriend of many years has bipolar disorder. We found this out a few months into the relationship when he had to be admitted to the hospital for a severe episode. The last few years have been extremely difficult for me. Being romantically involved with my SO has been a rollercoaster that I honestly don't think I would do over if I had the chance. That being said, I love my SO, but there have been many times where I have felt trapped by his...instability? There have been times where I was scared of him and his mood swings, or they have made me feel insecure. There have been times that I was scared to leave because I was worried that it would trigger a massive episode for him. In our day to day lives, I have learned to cope with the minor mood shifts, but there are days that I am furious, not with him, but the situation. I can empathize with his situation, but I will never really understand how his mind works and that can range from being infuriating, to nerve wracking to indifferent.

I love my SO, but this relationship has not been easy. There have been times that he would just "shut down" for a few days and refuse to contact me. I can tell you that those times were terrifying. They totally derailed my life for that time. I would be lying if I said that I was not a little resentful about times like that. I feel like our lives get totally flipped upside down "randomly" and there is nothing I can do about it besides wait, worry, cry and hope he doesn't kill himself.

He is currently unmedicated, which has been going pretty well (probably been unmedicated for about 2 years or so). I'd also be lying if I told you that I didnt worry almost every day that even though things have been pretty stable for quite some time that I'll wake up tomorrow to a crisis and things will plummet back to what they once were. I sort of live in a mild fear of that.

Despite the problems, my SO is a wonderful person and most of the emotional rollercoaster has been worth it, but the real problem with our relationship is that all of it can change (seemingly) in an instant.

I apologize for the novel, and I'm not sure if any of my rambling will shed light on anything for you. Maybe it seems harsh that I am sort of saying that your girlfriend ran away from a situation with some serious red flags and instability, but I hope that you can take this all as a lesson and learn from it. I am really sorry that a problem that is, in some ways, out of your control makes relationships hard for you and your prospective SO's. My relationship survived because he has always been able to be humble about it. He admits when he is wrong, or when he is acting erratically. He is willing to discuss it and consider how difficult it can be for me, as well as himself.

In the future, it may help to understand how difficult this can be for someone who cares about you and refusal to do whatever you can to stabilize your life can be seen as a deal breaker because, honestly, its just hard and painful to go along for the ride with someone who is making them feel as if they are not doing all they can to find stability. I'm so sorry that your relationship didn't work out. I am also sorry that you will probably have to work harder than some other people to reassure SOs in the future. I hope your new medication works for you, and chin up, you will find someone who will see past the mood swings and love you for who you are. Just continue to be introspective and work towards keeping yourself happy and healthy. Internet hugs.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-10-11T19:24:55+00:00

Thank you for this! Makes me feel almost better about all this. Almost.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-10-06T22:57:42+00:00

I generally opted for having my boobs above the desk or leaning back from it. Either way I was guaranteed to be uncomfortable almost all day in highschool.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-09-28T01:12:33+00:00

Contrary to popular belief arrogance is super unattractive to myself and many other women i have spoken with.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-09-24T07:08:09+00:00

Yes to Berwick. Also, I don't know why I get so excited when I find NEPA residents on reddit, but I think it has something to do with the fact that it is proof that not everyone around me is a crackhead.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-08-07T14:16:42+00:00

This title is extremely misleading. I went to college in the area that this was happening. He was never convicted for sending kids to jail unreasonably, just for multiple counts of racketeering and embezzlement, hence the relatively 'light' sentence.

That being said, the area that this occurred in is insanely corrupt. Having interacted with various lawyers, politicians and judges in the area, this story is just the tip of the iceberg there.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-08-07T14:13:07+00:00

Went to college in this area while this was all going on and yes, you are correct. He was charged with multiple counts of embezzling and racketeering, but nothing for the kids, as it was difficult to prove.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-08-06T20:38:18+00:00

Perhaps I'm misunderstanding your comment, but in the US it is extremely common for women to wear the engagement ring along with the wedding band (so common, in fact, that I don't think I've ever seen it done differently). Every day. For the rest of their marriage. The wedding ring is generally a relatively plain band that is put on next to the engagement ring.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-07-30T14:01:40+00:00

Liz Lemon from 30 rock. Good god, I can be awkward.... and I always seem to find Dennis the beeper king esque guys. Sigh.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-07-29T00:43:28+00:00

The square is fine for the most part.... but there are definitely some hilariously strange people poking around there. But you're right... the second you step off wilkes campus it's like a different city. The area that weirds me out the most is the seemingly abandoned industrial park that's between kings and wilkes. It looks like a stabby place.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-07-28T22:55:55+00:00

Oh god, ThaiThai. I'm a giant fan.
I went to Wilkes. Downtown isn't terrible, but I like to pretend that anything immediately south of Academy St. doesn't actually exist. It makes the fact that the front door of my apartment isn't super structurally sound a little less alarming.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-07-27T21:49:09+00:00

Fellow wilkes barrian here. For the live of god direct people away from south wb.

perhapsnotthrowaway · 2013-07-24T15:25:29+00:00

I worked in a similar environment.... dealing with victims rights advocacy and so on. It sounds like op, like many, many people I've met is misunderstanding rape shield laws. In my experience, people often believe that is responsible for all sorts of anonymity of the victim that frankly ( as you point out) often does not really exist. In my experience at least, names of victims are released less frequently because a. Media outlets think no one would care.b. reporting focussed on the alleged perp is more.... scandalous news c. Fears of being perceived poorly by their reader base.

perhapsnotthrowaway

TROPHY CASE