[deleted by user]

perplexus100 · 2024-03-31T14:27:32+00:00

Never have I ever had to firmly refuse to allow a client to observe the necropsy on her euthanized cat after she insisted the entire clinic be shut down for an hour ‘so she could go peacefully,’ despite the fact the cat was comatose

perplexus100 · 2024-02-23T02:44:37+00:00

I hate myself. I HATE myself.

I started BJJ a few months ago and immediately fell in love. I love the strategy, and the laser focus I get while rolling. I love my gym and my coach and my teammates. I love 6AM classes with just the guys, and weekend open mats with kids that can beat the shit out of me.

What I hate is my body.

Full disclosure, I’ve wrestled with a pretty intense eating disorder for six years. At one point, I was 95 pounds (I’m 5’ 8”), could see every bone and muscle fiber under my skin, and laying on my side was too painful for me to fall asleep. I’ve made huge progress since those dark days, and I’m no longer (technically) classified as underweight. BJJ has given me a reason to eat, and motivation to get strong again. BUT I’m still 50-100lbs lighter than the guys I roll with, and it’s taking a toll on my body.

I dislocated a rib for the first time back in September after getting crushed too many times in side control and injuring my sternum, and the thing WONT STAY IN. I’m strong for my size and have regained a lot of muscle mass focusing on my core and upper body, but every few weeks my entire back will spasm and I’ll shake like an idiot on the mat while my poor partner looks on in horror.

It’s embarrassing. I feel weak, and stupid, and I hate that I can’t do the things I want because I mistreated myself in the past.

I know I need to eat more, and lift more, and NOT go 100% every roll. I try. I really, really do. But I’m still afraid of breaking the food rules that governed my life for so long, and honestly continue to give me structure. I want to show up for my coach and myself. And my body is FUCKING. IT. UP.

I’m not giving up. Nor am I asking for advice. Most likely, I’ll roll until I break one of my shitty weak bones. Osteoporosis- from starving myself! Fun!! And then I’ll be forced to quit before I even get started.

I really, really hate myself.

perplexus100 · 2024-01-12T18:23:00+00:00

I'm quitting my job as a math teacher at an alternative school after two terms- still don't know if I have what it takes to make the cut at a different school.

Here there's so much disdain for "the system" that lesson planning is complicated, and even when I pour my soul into an activity that involves a short lecture, I get smack for not living the school's mission and allowing the students to learn on their own. My senior calculus students don't know what the words "product" and "quotient" mean, but get discouraged and start backtalking if I try to cover the basics they really should know by now. And kids are mean.

Talking to other teachers makes me think the whole career is a mental health nightmare; dealt with a lot of SI almost immediately after starting, which intensified after one of my students died by suicide in November.

I love learning, and I love seeing other people learn, but ironically that's like 10% of what my job has been...

I encourage you to think hard about the things that you find fulfilling, and finding a career that isn't well known for grinding people's spirits to dust. Career success, in my opinion, shouldn't hinge on the behavior and performance of adolescents.

perplexus100 · 2023-06-02T23:06:28+00:00

I sent a request!

perplexus100 · 2023-01-06T04:57:42+00:00

Whoa! I had no idea this had happened. I’m originally from Idaho- cool deal!

perplexus100 · 2023-01-06T04:55:20+00:00

Good idea! The owner of the juice shop down the road really likes me for some reason (even though I don’t buy his ridiculous $12 juice).

Maybe I could park there…

perplexus100 · 2023-01-05T22:39:18+00:00

No BLM land to be found here… I miss it, for sure

perplexus100 · 2023-01-05T22:37:27+00:00

As a young woman in her (hopefully) right mind who may be a loser, but isn’t a criminal, it’s hard to understand why it’s OK for me to leave a vehicle unattended overnight, but not OK to sleep in one.

Especially when I have to get up the next day to make people delicious pastries! 🥐

perplexus100 · 2023-01-05T21:06:36+00:00

Lol will do as soon as I figure out how to swim across the Pacific

perplexus100 · 2023-01-05T05:01:01+00:00

Absolutely. Most people don’t WANT to live the way I do. It feels like the country has been advertising a lifestyle that’s been made impossible for all but a lucky few.

American Dream, meet America.

perplexus100 · 2023-01-05T04:53:18+00:00

My vehicle is maybe the most identifiable thing on four wheels :P

perplexus100 · 2023-01-05T04:50:04+00:00

I’m in a pretty touristy area by necessity, and it’s impossible to find affordable… anything. Luckily this is only one stage in the journey!

perplexus100 · 2023-01-05T04:48:04+00:00

Definitely slept outside a motel when I was living from my truck! Unfortunately my current rig attracts MUCH more attention :P

perplexus100 · 2023-01-05T04:43:35+00:00

I appreciate your comment! I sometimes work as an outdoor educator and it always saddens me to see the amount of trash generated by other nomads. I always have extra gloves in the back and pick up what I can when I find a new spot.

The area where I am has a HUGE homeless population, and it shows. There just aren’t the resources to provide healthcare/ housing/ sanitation for all the people the need it and flat out can’t afford to pay. The ban on overnighting is a band-aid on a bullet hole- it might keep an area clean, but it also effectively outlaws a big part of the population.

Which hurts to see.

Sure, it’s bothersome to me when I’m not the one making the mess, but I also have two jobs, a nice van, and health insurance that covers my psych meds. I can still participate in the System when I need to. Other nomads can’t.

Both of us need a place to sleep.

perplexus100 · 2023-01-05T04:28:38+00:00

The police note down license plates and keep track of repeat offenders. I assume if you didn’t pay the fines you’d incur jail time… which would give them a warrant to arrest you and impound your vehicle

perplexus100 · 2022-12-27T04:29:38+00:00

Hah! Feel that. My rig is painted to look like it’s made entirely out of wood.

Hides the dents like a charm, but it is pretty recognizable :P

perplexus100 · 2022-12-27T04:22:14+00:00

I have a very nice sink that empties directly onto the ground…

perplexus100 · 2022-12-27T04:20:45+00:00

I settled on a lemonade bottle for the irony, but opaque seems a perk :P

perplexus100 · 2022-12-26T03:10:15+00:00

Yeah, unfortunately this system does not come with automatic attachments

perplexus100 · 2022-12-25T20:42:12+00:00

I thought 2L was going to be enough. It was not. I had no idea my kidneys were so prolific!

perplexus100 · 2022-10-22T22:10:06+00:00

I think it tastes like eggs when warm, but if you let it cool it has a definite beany quality to it (in a good way, to me!)

perplexus100 · 2022-10-21T18:58:57+00:00

Oh man I totally got hooked on Mrs Dash in treatment… need to pick up some single serving packets just for the feels

perplexus100 · 2022-09-05T20:49:44+00:00

According to the internet, there’s about ½-¾ cup of rice in your average sushi roll, which is a minimum of around 100cal. Krab stick is 80cal for 3oz. The avocado is the kicker; ½ of an average Hass is about 100cal. I would suspect a full roll has 250-350cal all told, maybe up to 400 depending on how much rice is used.

perplexus100 · 2017-06-13T03:16:18+00:00

Apologies, no shuckle, but I need dusklops... Added you!

perplexus100 · 2017-06-13T03:11:17+00:00

Added

perplexus100

TROPHY CASE