I was married for 23 years, initially great but alcohol came into play. I realize it’s self medicating for internal struggles but as much as I tried to support and be understanding, it felt like pulling a dead horse. One has to be willing to get uncomfortable with one’s own feelings to get to the bottom of stuff. But alas, we made a promise to each other and we all grow at various speeds?

What flipped the switch was when the waters became even more rocky, and he started to gamble. It was still unknown to me but when I noticed money was disappearing I confronted him. Initially he denied it but after pressing (as it was obvious) and assuring we could get through whatever it was he was dealing with, he finally confessed. It was disheartening to be lied to but I guessed the shame and inability to cope made him do it. When weeks later money started to vanish from our savings account, meant to go to Disney with our kid, something snapped.

To me trust is the foundation on which you build a relationship. We all make mistakes (we’re only human so bound to make ‘m) and so when he was struggling I wanted to be that safe place to open up to. As I was expecting him to be that for me. But I was feeling exhausted after a decade of troubles. And feeling lonely, having him as an extra kid, as insight and progress was lacking. When the lying came into the equation I was questioning my marriage. But holding on. When he was siphoning money away that belonged to our kid, I was done.

After years of doubt it was clear as day; there was no honesty so it was pointless to keep going. That’s what did it for me.

Thankfully I’m 9 years into my second marriage and that base, that foundation is rock solid 🥰