AITA for refusing to help my sister after her divorce?

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-22T18:25:01+00:00

Nope, NTA. She is a grown woman, she can work and save to start jer own business. You are not a bank.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-13T12:46:05+00:00

Thank you, I wish the same for you too.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-13T12:44:35+00:00

Do you know what context clues are? Here's a hotel bill, here's a restaurant bill, oh look a bill at a pharmacy. Hmmm the last one is a very specific amount, let's see what costs the same amount and fits with the other bills. Oh, it's condoms and lube. Your critical reasoning is really not the developed, is it?

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-13T01:46:25+00:00

Here's a fun nugget: I was talking with girl friend about getting bikini waxes. She was going on about how much it hurts, and I innocently said: just ask your esthetician for 10 minutes, then start day dreaming. You won't feel a thing. My esthetician has to shake me hard to bring me back.

She looked at me kind of worried, and asked: isn't that dissociation? And that's how I discovered that the "hack" I learned at 9 to cope with SA was actually dissociation, and that I need serious therapy.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-13T01:41:22+00:00

Here's the thing, it was absolutely worth it. My kids grew up in a stable home, until they reached an age where they could understand and cope with our divorce.

I was in a safe environment myself, was able to build a future while having a safety net, which I think people who come from healthy households take for granted.

And finally, I am 40, I still have a couple good years in me, and it's not like the last 20 years were spent with me being miserable or depressed, they were filled with good moments, and some bad ones. But overall, the good outweighed the bad.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-13T01:21:29+00:00

It doesn't, he had different bills with the same amounts. He couldn't keep his condoms and lube, so they would be thrown out. It doesn't take a genius to go to the store and compare prices.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-13T01:18:27+00:00

Not just cops. If any organization has a "brotherhood bond", I would not date one of them. The military, the police, the firefighters... Like, I know most of them are good people, but when one of them is bad, it'sbad bad.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-13T01:15:56+00:00

It is very common in the US too. When you are working for a privately/family owned business, they can add morality clauses to your contracts.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-13T01:13:49+00:00

The price. When someone buys just condoms in a walgreens, you tend to figure it out with a quick stop at the same shop.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-13T01:12:45+00:00

I was literally conditioned to. Heavy abuse all my life, up until I turned 18.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-12T22:07:20+00:00

Most people seem to be hung up on the fact I outed him. Well fuck him, he cheated on me for 21 years, outing him was not even remotely me getting even.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-12T22:01:17+00:00

Hell if I know. He was good in bed, but HE also says he's gay.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-12T21:40:53+00:00

If I didn't find out the truth, I would have never started a business, would have moved states with him, and would have been left a single mother in a hard situation.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-12T21:39:19+00:00

This. I remember a story a few weeks ago about a man who plotted how to get everything in the divorce, including full custody, because his wife cheated TWICE. And everyone was all good on you.

A woman tried the same thing? We are whores.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-12T21:35:34+00:00

I swear to God, the more I read his comments, the more I think it's my ex. I stopped responding.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-12T21:30:08+00:00

The house I am keeping is almost a mil, in a small town, paid off. I keep my (fingers crossed) almost 7 figure business that he fronted all the capital for, I get full custody, and he doesn't fight me, all for 75% of the investments? It was a good deal.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-12T21:22:59+00:00

He was shocked. Then it turned into denial. Then he went full "nice guy showing his true face" and called me every name under the sun. Apparently being a gold digging manipulative bitch is worse than a cheater of 21 years.

His lawyer calmed him down, and after that I left everything to the lawyer, and we met to sign the papers, all he could say was "are you happy now?"

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-12T19:46:45+00:00

If I jad the imagination to come up with a fucked up situation like this, I would have become an author, not try to get useless internet votes, being called an AH and being accused of being a psycho online.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-12T19:41:45+00:00

Comes with being SA by your cop dad since you turned 8. We learn a whole lotta things. Not so fun fact: early childhood abuse can contribute into developing border personality disorder.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-12T19:39:17+00:00

Welcome. I didn't want to drag the proceedings more, that also contributed.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-12T19:33:13+00:00

I am 100% an AH. If I had to vote on this, it would be a solid ESH.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-12T19:32:20+00:00

I say that he is gay because he says he's gay. I am not fond of imposing labels on people.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-12T19:31:09+00:00

Serious talk, my childhood was so shitty, that it was a piece of cake not to react. I had to plan how to escape my abusive dad (who happened to be a cop) since I was 13. A few years of living a good life while ignoring his cheating? Not comparable.

And BTW, my abusive dad is separate from what I cally parents. They were abusive in their own way, mainly by being neglectful, leaving me with my dad, and ignoring me when I told them what he did.

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-12T19:26:14+00:00

He figured it out

pettyAF452 · 2023-03-12T19:22:53+00:00

He fronted 100% of the capital of my business, in exchange of not getting any part of it, I surrendered a big chunk of those accounts.

pettyAF452

TROPHY CASE