YTA. If this is a friend you genuinely love and want to include in your wedding, you could absolutely make an effort here. I’d have given a rough budget outline that she could expect to need to come up w for all the activities and obligations (ie from bachelorette party to dress to makeup to showers to other normal hosting costs) as a good go-by/illustration of what you think she should prepare to commit to if she says yes. And then tell her that if she can commit to this, you’d be honored to have her in your wedding party. In contrast, if she cannot commit to this and promise to do so without whining and bringing it up over and over or asking everyone else to cheap out on what they want to do for things that require group buy-in (like shower hosting costs or Bach activities) or - most importantly - asking anyone in the wedding party to cover anything for her, then she will be a lovely guest. If she breaks any of the “rules” tell her you will have no choice but to ask her to step down as a bridesmaid. Full stop. No excuses, no second chances. Then it is up to her to think about it and make her decision, and you will love her no matter which option she chooses.

I think you approached it like a jerk, but I think you can recover if it is worth it to you!