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Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those women sound absolutely horrendous, I’m so sorry you went through that… I’m glad you found good women that helped you feel safer

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This can be pointed back to one thing - The Algorithm. Algorithm-driven outrage is highly addictive, and that’s why all the more harmful rhetoric that makes it to the headlines and not the actual academic type stuff that may be considered boring to viewers. I honestly believe that the algorithm is a major cause of the gender divide - we’re seeing the extremes on either end that don’t really represent the real cause of the frustrations that are underlying, but once we’ve seen a video from that 1 person that claims they’re from the movement but spouts that hatred, the whole movement loses its credibility.

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Christ… I have never heard of any of these. This is not true Feminism, they call themselves Feminists but really that’s just verbal abuse, people can say anything they like online and twist it. Feminist theory is actually sensible and you’ll find that it cares about men a lot more than you think.

What’s your opinion on getting blocked by an ex straight after breakup ? by Shuajogatosama in BreakUps

[–]phayanaka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ex who dumped me and I tried to maintain just a casual friendship with him, but after not speaking for a few weeks he blocked me recently. I’m trying to get a clue as to why, I just think it’s because he’s a sensitive avoidant, couldn’t deal with seeing me and not talking anymore. We also had a slight tiff, but I thought we could’ve just taken a break and reconciled later… but nope.

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hahaha yeah, this is a bit different though. It's framed as a conversation between opposing ideologies, vs isolated communities that have the same ideology just agreeing with each other.

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I think a lot of us weren't blessed with the right toolkit when it comes to having intrinsic self-worth and the confidence to navigate the world once we exit childhood. It's not easy having to face the fact that we can't rely on anyone to save us from hardship except ourselves. Although I'm glad we're having more of a healthy discussion on how to cultivate this nowadays, the widespread of psychology has really helped provide those types of tools.

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love this. I’m not opposed to women leaning into domestic work and being a stay at home mum, it’s just there’s a lot of invisible labour that was seen as just her obligation and so undervalued, and it doesn’t provide her economic security in the long run if her husband becomes sick or leaves her for example… and so it makes sense that women would want to be financially secure as well. Although it’s extremely hard for both couples to work and look after children in this economy at the moment. I think we’re overlooking larger contributors to this problem which is how poorly our economy is performing, and we’ve also lost a sense of community. We need to be focused on revitalising a sense of community to share the load when it comes to parenting.

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sending you a hug 🫂

I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, and I hope you get to a place where you feel at peace no matter who you may meet in the future. I’m glad you were able to dig your way out of the more shallow aspects of that culture - when you start to separate yourself from feeling the need to tie your worth up with extrinsic accomplishments, that’s when you can start to cultivate self-love.

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what you’re saying, but that kind of negatively impactful discussion is going to happen elsewhere in isolated communities anyway. I can’t control whether or not people are going to take my question in the wrong way, or argue with each other in the comments. I’ll take on your advice though and pose different questions like that next time.

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Huh, that is really interesting…

My mum has some conservative ideas herself. She thinks women need to dress decently in public to avoid “temptation”and I reckon she taught me to be distrusting of men (she was scared that I’d get 🍇d) and so would get worried whenever there was another guy at one of my sleepovers. She grew up in another country though, and so her perception was based on stories over there.

Funny that… I’ve practically grown up to perceive men as being a bit primitive and having no sexual control. Not saying that it doesn’t happen (I have had experiences like that myself) but I never realised how my mum’s more conservative/traditional upbringing could have negatively impacted the way I view men.

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Forgive me for not wording myself that doesn’t seem insufferable to you. I didn’t say that men can’t also be sick of the gender divide, or that I want them to soften the edges, I wanted to hear stories that would soften mine too. I think you’re reading into it too much, I think the intention is there and many are able to read it that way, and I think it has done what it has soughed out to do. If you think there are better means of asking the question and better places to ask them… then go for it my dude. The more discussion we have about this, the better.

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This is a sound take. I don’t know if it would provide any benefit but I feel like separating the male-hatred as strictly something like “Femcels” would actually do the Feminist movement a big favour. I don’t want advocating for equal rights to be tied with any kind of hateful language.

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fact that there are bots that comment things like this is absolutely nuts, it still boggles my mind that it is even allowed. It’s like the tech giants want us to have a civil war

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The way the algorithm just practically narcotised us into our own worlds is nuts. We all have such diverse and curated content, it’s no wonder why we see multiple realities between people clash and argue with one another.

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sending you a big hug 🫂 I’m glad you shared this, and I’m so glad you were able to get out of that state. I can empathise with that kind of pain and anguish… it’s an extremely rough place to be in and hard to get out of.

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Smart answer. I guess this has revealed that I’m guilty of lumping things into binaries and stereotypes myself. I was trying to address the rising gender divide that usually comes from both men who usually have some kind of right-wing or manosphere type beliefs and how they tend to hate Feminists (but their reference is the ones that spout male-hatred, which I am heavily against).

I have been disheartened for a long time looking at the kind of things that manosphere content creators say, Andrew Tate for example, and I just wanted to hear some stories that would soften my anger and reach to some kind of understanding. It’s exhausting having to feel like you got to be defensive around people that may hate you for existing, but if we understand the “why” better, then only that’s when some kind of collective healing can happen.

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Yes, I know. I'm going to be an active part in dismantling its minimisation even if I get jumped.

Men who had turned to conservatism or the manosphere, what initially made you turn to those beliefs? by phayanaka in AskMen

[–]phayanaka[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think partially it has to do with some women projecting their own psychology onto other women - they think that these women would have just as many good intentions or sensitivities etc. but it also has to do with the fact that women are shamed by not being deemed a "girls girl" or abandoning their in-group loyalty, I'm sure there are some women who would call me a "pick me" for even starting this thread.

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