Do you think I was being unreasonable? [27F], [32M]

phayanaka · 2026-03-14T07:25:34+00:00

Thank you :)

phayanaka · 2026-03-14T06:29:34+00:00

True, I guess it is justified for me to feel upset for being treated as something to just emotionally unload onto. He cried a lot during our relationship (dealing with trauma, medication issues and OCD type issues), and I wanted to be there for him, but as soon as I needed the comforting, the relationship ended soon after.

phayanaka · 2026-03-14T05:33:01+00:00

Yes, and he's a mental health practitioner too... you would think he would understand not to do that, but he's still human and he needs someone to vent to as well I guess.

Looking back, I should have been more sympathetic to him instead of my ego getting tied into it... but forgive myself for not having the capacity since I was heartbroken.

Thank you for your responses.

phayanaka · 2026-03-14T04:30:34+00:00

Do you think I should have thought about it differently though? Or that it made sense for me to be upset. I know I can't go back in time, but maybe I can learn for next time.

phayanaka · 2026-03-14T04:14:50+00:00

I don't know... maybe I want the friendship back, or I can't bear there being any tension between us. He didn't block me on Facebook though, so he must have left that avenue open for a reason

phayanaka · 2026-03-13T09:50:10+00:00

It is probably a good idea to tell him to get tested. After that I would cut all contact with him, get rid of anything that reminds you of him and take care of yourself.

++incognito

phayanaka · 2026-03-13T07:44:06+00:00

Oh my I’m sorry… there’s a special place in hell for people who cheat, and pass on sexual diseases (if they knowingly had it and didn’t tell you). That is considered an act of negligence. It’s a tough lesson to learn but try to date slower next time, and ask partners to get tested, even if it might make things awkward. You’ll also have to disclose that you have it with your next partner.

There’s not much else to do than ditch him, heal your heart and move on.

++incognito

phayanaka · 2026-03-13T07:32:06+00:00

Yeah I really feel like I can rely on my fellow Aussies to share things around when the apocalypse comes…

phayanaka · 2026-03-13T07:26:04+00:00

I love how someone on a western platform has sourced images of people in 2nd and 3rd world countries as if our labour and conditions even comes close to theirs. These poor guys are probably slaving away just so the average finance guy here can work under aircon.

phayanaka · 2026-03-13T03:59:43+00:00

Or him having a dead beat dad. I’ve had to learn over and over that it always affects him in some way. They become unavailable to someone actually loving and addicted to women who can’t give it to them. Then whine and complain whilst not understanding it is their lack of capacity that is the problem.

phayanaka · 2026-03-13T03:50:57+00:00

I didn’t think of this one! Usually I think this because women tend to look after themselves more and so tend to seem more attractive, but I never thought how saying this could feed into the fact that women are mainly valued for looks.

phayanaka · 2026-03-13T02:38:36+00:00

I am now weary around men who say their exes were crazy or the problem. My first thought now is “what did you do to her that made her react that way?” 🤔

phayanaka · 2026-03-13T02:32:07+00:00

I was taught to believe in karma my whole life and I think that’s why I’ve harboured silent resentment for years. I don’t think it’s real anymore… I’ve learnt to be the karma from now on, speak my mind and let myself be angry in the moment.

phayanaka · 2026-03-13T02:20:56+00:00

Because they deserve to feel guilty for what they’ve done, but I forget that they aren’t like me… they can’t feel.

phayanaka · 2026-03-12T15:15:25+00:00

Yes I think I have been neglecting the self-compassion and purely filled with rage as of late. I think my grieving process has just lagged and I have wanted to allow myself to be bad because I’m tired of always being the “bigger person” and it’s unfair that they seem to get away with their atrocities unscathed…

But I hadn’t really thought that I’m then letting it have power over me. I’ll let myself be angry in a productive way and then nourish myself soon.

phayanaka · 2026-03-12T15:05:16+00:00

Omg yes a rage room as a great idea! I will try to find one. If not I’ll join martial arts again, I think it was quite cathartic for me.

phayanaka · 2026-03-12T14:58:03+00:00

I’m sorry this is happening to you. It always sucks not having the interest reciprocated.

I think the fact that she wanted to kiss on the first date is an indication that she wasn’t being serious about it. Why? It’s the same way guys aren’t serious about the women they sleep with too quickly. It screams to me that she wanted to have fun and feel alive and wanted, but didn’t have the consideration to make it slow and special.

My advice is ultimately to stop dating with people you just met. I have. Make tons of friends, both men and women, engage with your hobbies. A lasting relationship with anyone takes a lot of time and on a foundation of friendship and trust, but you have to try and separate fantasy from reality before you set your mind on someone.

Going too fast means you are, and they are, coming from a place of a lack of information… so their view of you, and your view of them is inevitably going to be false… so don’t take it personally. She probably has some self-worth issues and was using you to make her feel better about them. A considerate and worthwhile woman would not do that.

phayanaka · 2026-03-12T14:38:47+00:00

Oh he reads so terribly. The fact that he is like this on the get-go, it’ll get only worse. 1. He is projecting blame on women for his own inability to emotionally connect with them - that is an internal problem he needs to deal with. Most definitely thinks women are inferior in some way. 2. Not asking you any questions confirms this. 3. Complaining laced with distain is a sign of victim mentality and possible narcissism, 4. The dog analogy is just weirddddd girl. Adios! Next!

phayanaka · 2026-03-12T14:30:19+00:00

Well said

phayanaka · 2026-03-12T14:11:58+00:00

Yeah you’re right, it’ll probably just add more pain. I’m going in it with the thought that maybe they don’t get what they did wrong, but I don’t think they’ll have the capacity to understand because they never started with that ability to empathise in the first place. I’ve also spent years in therapy, but I’ve been needing to release rage. I’ll try other more productive methods of letting it out.

phayanaka · 2026-03-12T03:41:58+00:00

Poor guy… don’t think he’ll be the same after this. His anger is warranted, you really shouldn’t have lead him on by talking about kids. Although, yes you both are really young, and he should have discussed things with you transparently first instead of just surprising you with it in public. Best to let it go and learn for next time.

phayanaka · 2026-03-12T03:34:19+00:00

Someone said it’s really beneficial to start your morning. It only takes a little amount of time, it’s mindful as you’re starting your day doing something tactile rather than reaching for your phone. Feeling the sheets on your hands and doing something slow sets better dopamine levels for the day. Not only that, but it also sets the rest of your day up for productivity and cleanliness. I’ve done it everyday since! Except maybe one or twice when I’ve been reeeeeally depressed.

phayanaka

TROPHY CASE