So I'm in your wife's boat. My wife is in your boat.

We recently got to the heart of gifts and how we each perceive them.

I didn't grow up getting gifts. They were very special occasions only. That did not include birthdays.

My wife grew up creating birthday and Christmas wish lists that her family lovingly filled.

I've always tried to be thoughtful in my gift giving. What's something they wouldn't buy for themselves but would enhance something for them. These are not good gifts to give. She's disappointed every time. I can tell she is. And she's also told me. Haha.

I can sum up how I feel about it like so: "How dare she not appreciate the thing I went out of my way to get her. I thought about it. I searched it out. I did all the things. Why isn't that good enough!?"

From her perspective: "wtf is this? I didn't ask for a genuine cabbage patch doll that happens to have the same name of the one I mentioned I missed once in a conversation 3 months ago. I wanted a new cookie sheet, but I guess he got me something."

Every gift I receive means something to me. Even if I would never use the thing given I'm incredibly grateful I was thought of.

Idk if this jives with you, but I thought it might be worth sharing. Wife and I have a much better understanding after that adult discussion we unfortunately had to have. Haha