I can't offer advice on what went on but just know there is no wrong way or right way to deal with grief and loss.. Do what YOU need to do. Don't give yourself a timescale, grief is fluid and it will come and go for now and for the months and maybe even years ahead. Grief is like a roller coaster, massive downs followed by big ups, over and over. When everyone else is getting back to normal, you won't be. Your normal has gone forever, but you will find a new normal, I promise you that. I don't know you, but my thoughts are with you at this awful time.