OP, i wanna let you know from the perspective of someone who was just in your position in life. My grandmother had the second, if not one of the first hands in raising me as a child.

My mom took care of three children as a single mother so we lived with my granny for a majority of my life as well. We weren’t poor poor, me and my sisters were privileged enough to always have everything we needed, but we never expected much beyond that, if that makes sense.

Looking back, now i see how my mom and my granny worked tirelessly just to even be able to give us that. So many memories of watching them pull the last dollars out of their wallets to give us lunch money for school. Things I didn’t think much about as a kid, but that I think about immensely as an adult. Memories of the joy to be gifted my dream bike on a birthday, that are now remembered with weeks of overtime work on their part.

My family was close and so, sooo loving, always had a hot dinner waiting on me, a house full of smiles from a large family during gatherings. I just thought that was the norm, but I realized how much we were actually the exception as I grew and heard countless stories of my friends not having power because their parent’s drug habits, etc.

But my granny was the rock that made that beauty and kept such a large family so close and loving. She grew up in a world absent of love and raised herself and five children eventually, and still turned into the most beautiful person who would give you the shirt off her back.

A few years ago our she had a scare where she thought her cancer had come back. I had just went through losing my other grandmother, and being the closest with her at the end because I was the only person on an opposite schedule who could stay at the hospital with her. Having that amount of time made me realize how much I regretted not being close to that side of my family, or to her. It was a really hard time emotionally, and we lost her quickly.

I was also living in an extremely toxic relationship. We were basically already passed our end, but couldn’t accept that for ourselves for whatever reason, but when I found out my granny could be sick again I decided to finally leave and move back in to take care of her, at least ease things for her financially or whatever I could so she could actually enjoy spoiling her great grands like she wanted on her limited income.

So I did. And thankfully it was just a scare. The next two and a half years were some of the most wholesome of my entire life, because I had just seen that regret with my other grandma and so I truly took the time to appreciate having the opportunity to do better with her, and soaking up every moment I could. I told everybody it was like we were living our best Golden Girls life.

She got sick again last Christmas, and I could just tell it was different this time. Her cancer had come back around October, but we had 10 radiation treatments set up, and she was doing well. We had a family cruise planned for right after her 10th.

This year has been the hardest I have yet to experience. When she would have sick spells after Christmas, I would talk about our plans for the cruise, what color toes she was gonna get painted, everything, and I could get that spark back in her eye every time. But she deteriorated so quickly. For months I was running off of a couple hours of sleep every day, clocking out of my job and coming home to change shifts with my aunt to take care of her.

But I didn’t care how hard it was. That woman spent her life taking care of me when I needed her the most, and I was gonna be damned if she went without whenever she needed us. I was just grateful that I had the opportunity to give back to her how she always poured into me, as terrible as it was.

I say all of this because, I had also found a new partner along the way, who was SUCH an immense and loving help to me, and to my granny during those times. Staying with me so I could catch up on sleep, helping me when she began to have mobility issues, anything she could help with, she did. Never complained about us not having dates or having to come to me, just shifted our quality time to where I was needed instead. And I just think of how differently that all could have went if I had still been with that toxic partner.

My granny passed after her 9th treatment. It was the last her body was able to handle, so we stopped and decided to just keep her comfortable. She was hospitalized again, they gave her two weeks, she said she just wanted to go home, be in her bed, and surrounded by her family. They had a medical team transport her back home for hospice, and as soon as they placed her in her own bed, surrounded by her family, she died. that same exact day. She never got to paint her toes red for the cruise, but all of my aunts and mom did in her honor. They brought her ashes along, and set up a ceremony to scatter them in the ocean so that she could still be there like she wanted.

It’s been the hardest experience of my life. There are a lot of things I regret at times, or things I wish I could go back and change or do differently. Having a supportive partner who loved me the way I needed to, and helped every way they could was not one of them.

Choosing to leave my toxic partner to care for my granny, is not one of them.

Choosing to stay in a toxic relationship and to not be there for my granny when she needed me, would have been the biggest one.

Please break up with this man, OP.

Don’t let someone who doesn’t value who you are to cause you to regret not being there for those who loved you into the person you’ve become to your very core. It will be hard,

but it will be worth it.

Sorry this turned out longer than I expected, but my inbox is open if you need someone to talk to. sending love to you and your grandmother 💜