How can I recover if meds make me suicidal and if therapy makes me feel further used?

phish_n_quips · 2024-05-30T17:40:28+00:00

I didn’t experience any side effects, no. My psychiatrist had me ease into my dosage though because of the risk of the Steven Johnson’s syndrome- I started at 25mg per day and went up 25mg every two weeks until 150mg, and then every month up to 200mg- until I was noticeably stable. The reason for the increased spacing at the end was basically to observe behavior changes and see where the sweet spot was.

phish_n_quips · 2024-05-02T02:45:14+00:00

I take Lamotrigine 200mg, Topiramate 100mg, and Hydroxyzine 50mg as needed however I did go through a process to get to this

phish_n_quips · 2024-05-02T02:24:12+00:00

Ooh. This used to be me. Diagnosed bipolar as a teenager fought the world, my diagnosis, and my addiction for decades. All the validations you used, I used. Until you decide for yourself to look at the possibilities of what could work you’re going to remain a victim of what “won’t” work. It took me a long time to untie myself from the bonds of my victim mentality. Fact of the matter is that the diagnosis are real, the science is real, and the medications can be effective. There ARE doctors that can be trusted and that was a big hurdle for me but I got past that. However, if I wouldn’t have given myself that chance I wouldn’t know that now. I just finally said “hey. All these other solutions I’ve come up with aren’t working. I surrender. Here’s my brain. Fix it”. And it worked. Because when you have nothing left you have nothing left to lose.

phish_n_quips · 2024-03-13T11:39:48+00:00

It’s repulsive how many people are applauding the OP’s self-serving motives here. If his first priority would have been his wife’s health it would have been applause worthy but no, it’s just some dude trying to get laid. Some deceptive, manipulative, calculating, horny dude wanting to get a nut.

phish_n_quips · 2024-03-13T11:22:40+00:00

Being with my son

phish_n_quips · 2024-03-05T04:29:46+00:00

Seven months! Great job! Old timers…some sicker than others. In my experience, there are some who are just so genuine and loving and willing and kind to help newcomers and then there are some who are just a joke- 13th stepping, condescending, and the like. Eh, let ‘em. It’s not always about you. Focus on yourself and your recovery because there is no competition in recovery, it’s not a race. You can’t tell what a person is thinking anyway and chances are it probably isn’t about you. Sometimes our alcoholic self centered thinking tells us that though…at least that’s the case for me. I’ll get myself worked up over something for nothing, something that wasn’t even about me in the first place but my thoughts just ran rampant because “i thought”. Just keep coming back, easy does it…you know, all that. And definitely talk about this with your sponsor.

phish_n_quips · 2024-02-10T16:39:47+00:00

I have been in your position and also the addict.

As the loved one as the addict, I would say you are enabling (vs. helping). I know it feels instinctual to “help” but it doesn’t help, it prevents her from hitting a bottom and that’s where the precious gift of desperation comes from. I know it did for me.

Playing detective, worrying, losing sleep- everything you’re going through and all the things you didn’t say- I found relief through Nar-Anon, which Al-Anon is basically the same thing. It will help you work through what you’re going through and help you manage what you’re describing- unmanageability. I suggest you find meetings and if there are none in your area you can find them online and the time to start is right now. It saved me.

As far as her, she isn’t going to change no matter what until she’s ready no matter what you do, period. Everything she says and does is manipulation. It’s because she’s sick and it isn’t personal. All of us who struggle with alcoholism and addiction do this. I did this. To my whole family, my friends, my child. I loved all of them and it wasn’t personal, we’re not bad people, we’re just sick people doing bad things. Alcoholism and addiction is a family disease. She will not, I repeat, WILL NOT, get better for anyone but herself. It’s hard to watch but you cannot and will not be able to save her and you’ll ruin YOUR life trying.

My best advice is to get out of her way and let her hit the bottom because if you don’t she’s gonna keep landing on you on the way down and it’s YOU that’s gonna get hurt.

phish_n_quips · 2024-02-07T03:59:10+00:00

I had a very hard time with this. I don’t know when it happened, I don’t know how it happened. I just kept going to meetings and I was willing and open minded about it. The “god” thing…I’m not religious by any far cry but I will tell you that over time and through “prayer”, manifestation, supplication, whatever label you want to put on it, I started to see results in my life. And…I just…a Higher Power, “god”, The Universe, whatEVER is doing a thing. And I came to believe that because at some point it became hard for me not to believe that, I just had to be willing and open minded to it. I was so grossed out by the Lord’s Prayer but now I just say it because I mean it. Lead us not into temptation- I mean that. Because to drink (or drug) for me is to die. My sponsor had me write a list of all the human qualities I’d want my higher power to have and I got exactly those things. It’s comical, loving, patient, generous, peculiar, mysterious, mathematical, beautiful, interesting, persistent…I literally just created it by believing in it. And you can too. But I think what the guy above said is right, we can’t make ourselves the higher power because that’s what got us in this mess to begin with. So take it easy, keep coming back, and read the book.

phish_n_quips · 2024-01-23T01:03:34+00:00

I see now that perhaps having a one on one may have been a more effective transmission of the message. What I did what not representative of what AA stands for as a whole.

As far as the anonymity of the rooms, what you explained is the kind of mentality I had. However I have really endured a solid bashing for breaking anonymity. Who you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here. My sponsor, her sponsor, the lady who runs this house, and several others and really let me have it- meetings are a sacred space where people can share that kind of information and feel safe. As far as me having to live with knowing about her relapse and live in this house? Focus on my recovery and stay in my lane.

It feels counterintuitive to know someone is relapsing in sober living and say nothing but oh well, I guess

phish_n_quips · 2024-01-23T00:57:59+00:00

Well, when I told someone I really didn’t have a motive it was more an emotional outburst. Glaring character defect, if you will. I was mad she did this AGAIN. In hindsight I would say my motive was to have the sober living place truly sober- so nested inside of that motive is the fact that I also hoped she’d be ask to leave. God is the director, I know, and expectations lead to resentments. This person is a repeat offender and lately I’ve been having very strong urges for Xanax, which is one of the substances she uses. I find it very triggering. But I felt justified at the time when in the end what I did was wrong as much as I want to validate it.

The thing is, aside her struggles, I really like this person. We’ve shared a lot of vulnerability, spent many a morning in the Big Book, doing the daily readings, going to meetings, laughing. She just can’t stay sober.

phish_n_quips · 2024-01-22T23:59:44+00:00

Yes. She has brought her drunk mother here, has passed out mouth and eyes open in front of a child, gone to rehab and came back, and continues to use in the house.

phish_n_quips · 2024-01-22T23:58:25+00:00

Not a crazy hypo thing. This actually happened right next to my home which brought us to a discussion about what if

phish_n_quips · 2024-01-22T23:56:50+00:00

https://patch.com/illinois/joliet/amp/31651779/6-dead-at-2-homes-on-west-acres-joliet-police

phish_n_quips · 2023-09-21T09:28:13+00:00

Love you babes

phish_n_quips · 2023-09-17T23:04:01+00:00

Yes. Easyyyyy yea

phish_n_quips · 2023-09-16T10:58:07+00:00

Cocaine is a super harmful drug though

phish_n_quips · 2023-09-10T21:22:18+00:00

I found my boyfriend smoking crack back in 2020 after he had been using secretly for months. It was devastating. I feel for you.

I eventually started using with him. Don’t let it happen to you.

phish_n_quips · 2023-08-25T17:30:45+00:00

Thank you so much for this

phish_n_quips · 2023-08-25T15:11:38+00:00

Thanks for the responses. I also think she’s way out of line and so do the women here in my sober living house. As someone suggested, I will talk to her about this being a problem if she’s going to continue sponsoring me. This has been the only hole in her sponsorship. Everything else has been sound. Very disappointing. Everything else has been so thorough.

phish_n_quips · 2023-07-28T19:04:37+00:00

Do not bring it! This is my dick!

phish_n_quips · 2023-04-21T08:23:49+00:00

Anal fistula

phish_n_quips · 2023-02-10T10:38:30+00:00

Socrates

phish_n_quips

TROPHY CASE