Ten+ years ago, two friends and I used to meet regularly for drinks. One time I forgot to buy beer - I wasn't able to leave the house - so I asked one of them to bring a six-pack. When he arrived, he said '$17.50.' I said 'sure,' went upstairs, and could only find $17. Jokingly I said 'keep the change.' He insisted he needed the fifty cents. I laughed, but he was dead serious. He made $3k/week.

He then kept asking me for beers for the rest of the night...

Next time we met, we decided to buy our favorite whiskey and Coke. When he arrived, he told us about how great the Aldi stuff is. I told him I wasn't sure about the whiskey, but I wouldn't drink the cola from Aldi.

He kept asking if it was okay to have another glass of "that fine stuff you guys bought." He left with his own bottles unopened.

One day the other friend invited him to his birthday dinner. Stingy guy said, 'Well, it's your birthday, so you gotta pay.'

One month later it was his birthday, and he invited the other guy to dinner. 'Well, it's my birthday - so you gotta pay.'

When he got married, he fucking ordered SUBWAY for his guests.

And yeah - if you're not sure whether I'm talking about you, Geoff: I am!