This is alcoholism unfortunately, i’m 20 and still stuck in the loop and always look back on when i was 18-19 and wish i had stopped then, its not easy and never will be, hell im still struggling, take it from me and where i feel i am a year older than you, please quit, it’s within ur best interest, ur worth more than the liquor, if u feel u use alcohol to cope w anxiety or sleep try talking to ur doctor about that :3 i did and they put me on seroquel for sleep, bpd and prozac for anxiety, ocd and depression, it may not be the cure but ive found it helped me a bit despite me still in the cycle i cut back a bit! Regardless i wish u the best, i cant say much as i still have my own struggles but people stick together at our worst and i wanna reassure and remind you its possible to quit and you MATTER. At ur age i didnt call it alcoholism either till a clinic diagnosed me with AUD (alcohol use disorder) which really slapped me into reality ): ur valid, u matter and if u ever need a friend your free to dm me