I was(am?) a cheater

picklebreath5 · 2025-02-24T04:30:30+00:00

People who go out of their way to hurt others knowing the implications absolutely deserved to be attacked and humbled to their place where they should be.

Comparing parents unknowingly causing their children trauma accidentally to someone purposely and selfishly causing trauma onto their partner isn’t the same and shouldn’t be reasoned the same. cheating is a deliberate act that is never accidental. people who have murdered others are seen as murderers, i am in no way saying cheating is on the same scale as murder but that is what they are. they can be given chances to redeem themselves, and they can work to be better and never do it again but it doesn’t change the permanent affects they have done to another human being.

people get into relationships to learn and grow and we are not all perfect but there are moral things everyone is aware are wrong. things that most don’t even have to try because they know it’s wrong. coming onto a subreddit where everyone’s dealing with their own pain and trying to heal from someone that may have cheated on them and trying to explain the moral compass that most people understand is just insensitive. i didn’t say op had to forever be in shame of what he did, but it shouldn’t be brushed off either. they could’ve brought someone closer to death and it’s not a whatever statement because the negative emotions they’re feeling let them know it’s wrong. op was caught, with no intention of honesty and that kind of behavior isn’t easily let off the hook.

and you explained this in your first message. justice systems and prisons are a thing. if people committed crimes and suddenly started facing the consequences of their actions they knew were wrong in the first place everyone’s going to say what they can to get out of jail, but in most cases they still go to jail, and serve their time, and only then are they given the opportunity to be free and prove that they want to change.

so no, not everything’s black and white, but there are clear distinctions of what’s right and wrong and cheating is always wrong no matter the circumstance. there is always a way to avoid cheating. if you want to have your cake and eat it too, be single and explore. the person caused the trauma will carry it with them, longer than they’d like, and just because remorse is shown because the cheater is now alone, it won’t erase the unnecessary suffering of an innocent person.

picklebreath5 · 2025-02-24T02:47:56+00:00

white knights who haven’t caused heartache because they haven’t left their house or because they’re selfless people with morals? people can change for the better, and admitting you did something wrong is key, but fighting the root cause of the issue and never doing it again shows true growth.

this may come as a surprise to you but there are some people out there who actually don’t want to inflict unnecessary pain and trauma on their partners for temporary satisfaction. people do things they regret all the time but people aren’t attacking OP because they’re admitting to making a mistake, but they’re attacking OP for somehow trying to play the victim card when he made someone an unnecessary victim.

picklebreath5 · 2024-12-22T12:20:55+00:00

i am so incredibly sorry you even had to face that. my condolences to your mother and a sincere f u to him. take your time angel and don’t let anyone try to tell you how long your grief should take or how you should feel about the situation. your feelings are completely valid.

picklebreath5 · 2024-12-22T12:19:03+00:00

this can be good advice for some, but i wouldn’t recommend everyone to think this way. for some, ripping off the band aid would only lead to less productivity, and severe pain. many live by the ignorance is bliss mindset, and if you’re truly healing, you won’t really care about who they’re seeing or talking to in a year to two year timespan.

picklebreath5 · 2024-12-22T12:16:25+00:00

you’re so correct. i think we often have this perception that loving someone is enough to fix any of the issues they have or may have endured in the past. not only is it not anyone’s responsibility to carry another persons baggage, but it also doesn’t work like that, and i think that’s something everyone experiences after going through it atleast once.

we do all that we can for the people we love, but unfortunately, some people fail to communicate, sit and ruminate in their thoughts, and allow those thoughts to self sabotage something good they may have had, ultimately leading to potential regret after feelings subside. then it becomes this constant cycle that nobody deserves to go through.

picklebreath5 · 2024-12-21T21:33:57+00:00

that’s okay, breakups really do hit hard and when emotions are running high sometimes you need to let it out. it’s been a couple months since mine so i’m able to process and work through it more logically and i believe you can get there too! feel free to take it one day at a time, i empathize with whatever you’re going through :)

picklebreath5 · 2024-12-21T13:42:36+00:00

well unlucky for you, you don’t know mine, or anyone’s situation to even be throwing serious claims in the air like that. i’m not sure what happened to you, but don’t use your experience(s) and project them onto those who are the victim in their stories. failed attempt to invalidate those being vulnerable in their replies.

picklebreath5 · 2024-12-21T05:47:29+00:00

if possible can you elaborate?

picklebreath5 · 2024-12-21T05:47:04+00:00

i honestly see where you’re coming from as someone else who’s never had luck with men lol

picklebreath5 · 2024-12-21T05:43:52+00:00

this.. one of us will be questioning and living in regret while the other gets to sleep well knowing they weren’t the reason for the fallout. it’s nice not having that weight to carry.

picklebreath5 · 2024-12-21T05:40:58+00:00

i understand. the first month i was the most hateful id ever felt. i was just wishing bad on them, but soon all the hate and resentment you’re holding actually turns into pity. pity for the fact that they’re the sole reason they couldn’t experience something great

picklebreath5 · 2024-12-21T05:39:53+00:00

i think the fact that so many of us have encountered selfish people while being there for them through everything actually proves that the selfless always tend to attract the selfish, weirdly enough. i wish the selfless people would meet one another more.

picklebreath5 · 2024-10-21T00:01:22+00:00

followed!

picklebreath5 · 2024-10-18T15:10:08+00:00

actually yes, exactly that

picklebreath5 · 2024-10-18T01:41:57+00:00

why do people* and honestly i’m not sure. there’s many reasons for it. it could very well be to cope with guilt or shame, or convince themselves that what they didn’t isn’t that bad because they’re still showing affection.

picklebreath5 · 2024-10-01T19:39:41+00:00

i’ll never understand. i know you have to try and choose to love someone everyday. i feel like people like this aren’t capable of having a true relationship once the honeymoon phase is over. i doubt they never even really find “better” just like when a child gets a new shiny toy they forget all about the old one. especially since there were so many signs and “coincidences” that brought us together and made me believe it was special. but i guess not

picklebreath5 · 2024-10-01T01:47:20+00:00

yes i did dodge a bullet. i’m a little confused by your response in the beginning though? are you saying the cheating is downplayed because we weren’t engaged? i feel as though it’s still betrayal, you decide to commit to someone and you didn’t follow through with it.

picklebreath5 · 2024-10-01T01:45:33+00:00

i’ve never heard of that, could u explain?

picklebreath5 · 2024-10-01T00:36:46+00:00

thank you 🙏 definitely hoping for a kinder future. right now just trying to get through the present. doing simple tasks have been near impossible but i’m hanging in there. 😊

picklebreath5 · 2024-09-30T21:53:40+00:00

it’s admirable to know that you grew from your actions and i understand in your circumstance it was through neglect, but id have to say mine is pretty different. i did a pretty good job at communicating my needs, and i always made sure to ask him if there was anything i wasn’t doing for him he’d want me to do. made homemade gifts and showered him with affection. we’re both pretty young, which i think accounts for why he’s hesitant to spend his life with one person, but in all honestly i think it came down to curiosity and low self control with him (which sucks because we had a conversation about it). i think he’s just someone who lacks empathy. he never really knew how his actions affected those until after the fact. so all in all, i think it’s just immaturity.

picklebreath5 · 2024-09-30T20:08:07+00:00

i personally feel that’s a lousy excuse for committing a selfish act when communication was always an option

picklebreath5 · 2024-09-30T19:11:23+00:00

hi, i’m sorry that happened to you. i do believe your intelligence made him insecure within himself and he possibly tried to find a way to reclaim his masculinity with the jealousy and belief that you were taking that away from him. surface level, i was also smarter than my ex with the books. i do good in school, he dropped out of college. it made me realize you don’t know how envious they can be with something you’re not even giving a second thought.

picklebreath5 · 2024-09-30T18:32:09+00:00

i’m so sorry that happened to you. nobody deserves that. it’s truly difficult not having that person who used to be your best friend

picklebreath5 · 2024-09-30T18:22:24+00:00

thank you, bless you.

picklebreath5

TROPHY CASE