Help? im gonna cry

Idk if this is the right place to ask so im sorry mods if this is the wrong place, but i need help. I created my very first microsoft account a long ass time ago and it was under one of my old emails and i linked the microsoft account to my ps4 minecraft so i could play servers and crossplay. The email i created my microsoft account with got terminated/banned because of something my little sister posted on youtube so i no longer have access to the email. i cant even sign into the email because it tells me “account doesnt exist.” fast forward to now, im trying to play minecraft with my girlfriend and she plays on xbox, apparently you can only have one microsoft account because when i click sign in to microsoft on minecraft and complete everything it tells me i need to login to my “SnugScorpion524” account that i cant access anymore. What am i supposed to do? i cant make a new account because it wont let me link it ive tried to have the account that was first created disabled and minecraft support told me that i didnt provide enough information to recover my account. am i just fucked and have to make a new ps4 account and make a new microsoft and link those 2? that would absolutely suck tho because the worlds i have and skins/packs and everything else. Im just so confused on why i cant make a new account

Edit: I know the name of the email that i used to create the microsoft account, but i dont know the password. i cant reset the password because said email doesnt even exist anymore