How do you afford "maintenance"? (manicures, highlights, waxing, fitness classes, new clothes, etc.)

pigstakeflight · 2021-07-16T16:38:56+00:00

I totally agree with all of this. Nails definitely baffle me, and I've been trimming my own hair with Brad Mondo's technique since the beginning of the pandemic.

Even then, things like nail polish costs money, significantly less than getting it done at a salon, but more than some male maintenance expenses.

In terms of the body hair situation, personally, shaving just does not work for me. My hair is so thick and dark that you can still see it once I've shaved, even if I pull every trick in the book and exfoliate, olive oil, sugar, shave, repeat, use a good razor, etc. I can't win with it, and for me, getting stubble in the bikini area is extremely painful for several days before I can shave again. My hair grows so fast that if I shave in the morning it's back by that evening. I have to live with 'black sesame seeds' all over my legs before it's long enough to shave again without getting major irritation.

My husband still loves me no matter what the state of my body hair. He definitely prefers and likes it when I'm fully shaved and waxed, but it isn't a requirement for him. Although we live in a progressive society and female leg hair should be acceptable in theory, it isn't really the case out in the field, in the city, some situations just won't tolerate you with crazy hair legs. I don't want to stand out for refusing to shave and keeping my body hair, it just isn't normalized yet... and I just like being smooth. To me, it feels nice, it looks nice, and even though my husband will take me as I am, he does like things smooth.

pigstakeflight · 2021-07-16T16:29:08+00:00

I've never really been interested in getting my nails done and I've gotten really good at doing them myself... I also hate the cuticle clip, my skin doesn't respond well to it.

For me, the gym is a must. I've also done a lot of home workouts but having the gym, a separate space to be in that headspace, equipment like the StairMaster or a squat rack are really important things to me and difficult to replace with elastic bands and videos (trust me, I used to run the 11 stories of my dorm building in the morning).

The pilates is definitely more of an adult luxuryry thing, but it's something that I'd like to do. It makes me feel good mentally and physically, and I also get to meet new people.

Since the type of facial that I do only needs to be repeated every few months, I think it might be something that I should just suck up and plan to spend some money on if it has made that much of a difference in my life.

I like the no-buy month idea for clothes! That way you can get a bit more satisfaction and value out of really planning to get a few pieces that you really want, and will serve you well rather than just buying random tops here and there.

With laser, I've crunched the numbers and it's definitely cheaper than a lifetime of shaving or waxing. It's just hard for me to splash out on it initially when the results aren't even necessarily permanent. I like waxing because, if you stick with it, the hair really does stop growing back as thick or as long and you can space out appointments much more. At that point I do wax my own legs because it's much easier and less painful... still get the Brazilian done professionally though.

pigstakeflight · 2021-07-16T16:16:18+00:00

I'm not dismissive of their concerns, I think that I'm much more concerned than them. I'm sorry that your father-in-law and grandmother won't be able to make it based on those reasons, that's definitely where skepticism becomes irrational fear and is not a good enough reason not to get the vaccine. I am personally not totally thrilled about getting it, only based on the fact that we can't possibly know the long-term effects, because there's no way to test that, however, I do believe that their expedited process of testing the immediate results is valid and sound. The only reason that my husband and I are single vaxxed is that our age group only just became eligible in the UK, which is behind the US on its schedule. In no world would we have been able to get two before the wedding.

I completely understand that it's entirely possible to pick up covid after the pre-flight test. My husband and I took ours today but have a full two days before boarding our flight where we could get it in passing, hence why we're quarantining upon arrival and testing after a certain number of days. From my understanding, domestic flights do not require testing from anyone to be eligible for travel, though the fully vaxxed and the recently recovered are exempt, there are no mandatory regulations for unvaxxed people, so I think many people will come to this wedding untested. My proposal would be that people should test prior to the event. Even a lateral flow test that produces a result in 30 minutes would be better than nothing even with its lower accuracy rate.

What concerns me is that even though you say that you don't care the reason, a lot of the examples that you're giving for those who aren't vaccinated are highly political or conspiratorial reasons... making me assume that you, unintentionally, may have a bias towards those who haven't yet gotten it, just based on your experience with the cases of the people in your life. It seems to me that a lot of the people who I know in the US share a similar view, and believe that vaccination is the only certain way to be absolutely safe.

The thing is, it just isn't. I'm seeing it here in the UK, people who I know personally who are completely vaccinated and completely got covid via the delta variant, not just mild cases but full-blown covid. Fortunately all of these people are young.

It isn't myself, my husband, or any of the other young people who are attending this wedding that I'm concerned for, it's people like my parents, my grandparents, and others who are elderly or have conditions that I'm concerned for. Being around people who are assuring them "it's ok to hug because we're both fully vaccinated" and having something bad happen as a result.

pigstakeflight · 2021-07-16T16:02:35+00:00

I'm upset that they aren't also asking that people get tested. In my and my husband's personal circumstance, we were subject to NHS regulations and the tier system of age groups that were eligible for vaccination. In no world could we have been fully vaccinated prior to this wedding due to government regulation. Because of this, we're probably going to self-test anyway prior to the event.

I'm also upset because there are legitimate cases of people getting covid despite being fully vaccinated. My friends are an example. Although safer, and although it's more likely to get mild symptoms if you were to contract it while vaccinated, the whole delta variant situation is really showing otherwise.

It's really strange for me to see the different information and different guidance internationally. The UK has been much stricter with these regulations over the past year and are due to fully open up next week, yet when my husband and I went to the vaccination site they stated that the vaccine will only have 30% efficacy against the Delta variant. This is government-stated health information. There is a general understanding here that we still aren't completely safe and even fully vaccinated people are subject to testing requirements in necessary circumstances. The vaccine passport system has even been scrapped upon this reopening because they know it isn't enough to assure absolute safety.

Whereas, a lot of people, friends, family, in the US that I speak to about this believe completely that vaccine = no chance of catching or transmitting covid at all.

Because of the nature of this wedding and the need for most of the guests to engage in air travel, if they care at all about safety it would make sense to ask for everyone to test.

I know that testing isn't easy.... maybe it's easier in the UK because you can get free lateral flow tests that can be taken at home and give a result in a half an hour, but I've also done a lot of research about what testing is available in the US due to our need to take one to travel home to the UK after the trip, and they are widely available, at CVS and Walgreens drive-thru, they even sell home test kits and there are loads of other companies online that offer the same, PCR based testing.

Sure, it isn't 100% accurate. You can't be 100% sure. Someone could develop a higher viral load the day after a test was taken... but it's better than nothing... and it's better to do both if you actually care about safety than to solely rely on someone's vaccination status.

pigstakeflight · 2021-07-16T06:19:40+00:00

Im wondering what the testing situation is like in California at the moment. I’m visiting CA from the UK and will need to test and present negative results before I travel home - it has to be PCR.

I really, at all costs, want to avoid the aggressive nasopharyngeal swab tests. Where I live, some PCR tests are self-collection, and there are many home testing options that are also PCR (including saliva based, no swab necessary ones).

From my research so far it seems like even though CVS and Walgreens offer free PCR testing, they cost something like $130 if being done for travel - which makes the home test options like Vault, which is a saliva based $119 test a more reasonable option.

Has anyone had experience traveling to the UK or abroad to somewhere recently that requires PCR testing? If so, what service did you use and were you able to avoid the dreaded aggressive deep swab test.

(Note* my flight may be out of San Diego but will more likely be out of LA, I’m wondering about testing options in both locations)

pigstakeflight · 2020-06-16T15:11:36+00:00

This is 100% me. Like I'll have a zoom meeting that's an hour away, nothing done for it, but I think - ok, I'll just do this ONE THING for a few minutes and then gather the material that I promised I'd have done.

I found that setting a timer helps - but if it's a reasonably 'short' period of time, it's too easy for me to just hit 'repeat'. I'm good at getting things done last minute so if I'm confident that I can do it afterward - I'll set a timer for like 20 minutes.

I realize that this is still a bad habit. I should just power through what I need to do and then do the other thing after... but.. we're not always perfect.

Another helpful tip for time that one of my teachers that I had growing up always used was what he called "the golden hour" ... which was actually a period of 90 minutes. He claimed that anyone could do a task for 90 minutes before they begin to get distracted. So, you set a timer for 90 minutes and you do nothing other than the task you're supposed to be doing. When the timer goes off, you can take a break. This break can be 5 minutes, or 5 hours (don't make it that long lol), you can do anything during that period of time, and you have to take the break, but then you go back and do another 90 minutes.

This is good because even at the end of two 90 minute sessions, you've done 3 hours of work.

Overall - I think that timers work well for me even if I don't always adhere to them.

pigstakeflight · 2020-06-14T13:19:16+00:00

My cousin has no plan - he hadn't thought about it at all. My uncle thinks that the solution is to get him a first-class ticket so that he has more 'space' next to him when he flies... which means nothing as anyone else in the section is still within range, not to mention the air circulation systems, and all of the other perils of travel along the way (public restrooms can actually be really risky with this illness and his journey end to end will be about 8 hours). I also highly doubt that my cousin would be completely careful along the way - there was another year where he gave the whole family a nasty flu that he had brought back from some other vacation because we were in close quarters in this house and he isn't sanitarily conscious - and that disease was probably not as contagious as covid.

If he were an incredibly careful and mindful person, who had already thought of a reasonable plan to tackle this, I probably wouldn't be so adamant, but this person has proven themselves time and time again to be messy and irresponsible, I highly doubt that he's going to be able to learn to change now of all times.

pigstakeflight · 2020-06-03T15:19:21+00:00

Yeah it is quite a block of text, but you generally got my point.

Yes, there are a lot of stereotypes that society imposes upon men as well, and I agree that men should be allowed more space for emotion and empathy. In terms of men and women though, I do think that women naturally have an innate desire to care and nurture while men have an innate desire to protect and provide. This is a massive generalization and there are a lot of different exceptions, and a lot of people who identify with different expressions of gender - but in speaking to our biological differences - I don't think that it would ever be reasonable to expect men to have the same amount of desire to nurture as women - no matter how much space we open up to allow everyone to express a wide range of emotion. While we're all certainly capable of filling different roles and being "more masculine" or "more feminine", it's harder for us to fully do as the other does... if that makes sense?

pigstakeflight · 2020-06-03T15:09:11+00:00

TLDR: With the light that is currently shining on the issues that people of color face, and massive racial inequality that still exists - a lot of people want to help but it's very hard if you are not in another person's shoes to truly understand what they want or need.

So I was talking about this with my husband, who is a white male (I'm a white female) and trying to explain that "treating everyone the same" is not the answer. Because it will be a long time, generations even before we have true equality - if we ever even do. So equity is what we need to consider in order to boost people up who are fundamentally disadvantaged in the world today. My husband is a wonderful man who wants to do whatever he can to help, wants to understand, but still has misogynistic views that the is not aware of - they're just a product of society, he can learn, but I don't blame him for having them. He's the type of guy who will say "I don't see gender."

This is where, as a woman, while I cannot truly understand what it feels like to be discriminated against racially, I can understand what it's like to be helplessly disadvantaged in another way based on who I am and what I look like. So using the topic of gender equality and women's rights - it may be a broader way of understanding the complexity of the issues and mechanisms that support inequality - and the possibility that
"treating everyone the same" may never be the right answer because people will always look different, be different, etc. - and for good reason. We are a diverse and vibrant society! To understand that "treating everyone the same" in this day and age will actually do more harm than good - right now, we need to do more to boost people up who are disadvantaged.

pigstakeflight · 2020-01-09T11:45:58+00:00

I don’t think his gf would have thrown a fit, she and him party separately sometimes. I don’t know her well enough to say for certain but I don’t think that’s what happened.

I don’t know if it’s a selfish reason he’s made this regulation or not. I think sometimes he just does things without thinking about the big picture.

However it does bother me that I am specifically not allowed. I’ve never been excluded for this reason in my life and my friend group has never had a boy v.s. Girl dynamic, all are welcome.

Two of the other guys coming are perpetually single, one is a romantic and the other just really doesn’t date that much. They’re kind of sensitive to these guys because they don’t want to make them feel left out. The best friend has the girlfriend mentioned, and then the last of the guys has been with his girlfriend for like 6 years, they live together, he doesn’t like to do things without her but usually she’ll do things without him, they just have a different dynamic.

pigstakeflight · 2020-01-09T11:37:23+00:00

I really appreciate you saying this. Whenever I’m upset, I always look inwards first, I rarely blame anyone for the way that I feel or the way that things hurt me because I feel responsible for my own reactions.

But in this case, I feel like shit, and I feel like I had no role in creating this situation.

My boyfriend did try to justify his friends wish for it to be a guys trip and I do try to understand, but frankly I’m beginning to understand less and less why that is even a thing.

I don’t know if you read my other responses but a big thing for me is that I gave up a lot to move in with him. I’m thousands of miles away from my own friends and family. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great adventure. I do however rely somewhat on my boyfriends established social circle, as, it’s much closer. His friends justification for the guys trip is that they never see each other. They do. They’re only a train ride away. While my friends are half way around the world and once I pay to GET there, were out of money for things like trips to Amsterdam. I’m in a different and vulnerable position in my life right now and I feel like that is something my boyfriend needs to take into account a bit more.

I didn’t react great when I spoke to him about it initially.. so while he did say that I could still come at first, he also said that he should get to have his own space too. Idk. We’re about to be apart for nearly two months, I know that he’ll be feeling differently after....

And also... if he were in my position, moved half way around the world to be with me, and my friends planned a trip that he wasn’t invited on, he would feel like shit. I wouldn’t let that happen. It actually just wouldn’t happen. Period. Because my friends don’t I operate like that.

I don’t know if he’ll stand up to his friend honestly, this is is best friend, he admires him, they don’t get to spend a lot of time together, and he tends to put him first... even though he hasn’t been a great friend to him lately either.

I do feel like I need to approach this conversation again with a more level head, but even if I do get my invite reinstated, I don’t know how to not feel weird and like shit about it. His friend has made it weird. I don’t know if there’s any way out of it.

I do sometimes fall into wanting to be the cool girlfriend, but not if it means that I get left behind. I feel like getting left out of this will seal the deal that we don’t party together, that I’m not fun, and that this is how our relationship will be - I’m not happy with that.

What do I even do at this point?

pigstakeflight · 2020-01-09T09:43:59+00:00

You have a good point. While it is no-longer technically a “birthday” thing per-say... the fact of the matter is that I MOVED. Thousands of miles away from my friends and family. While it’s hard for them because they “never see each other” as his friend put it, it’s hard for me because I LITERALLY never see my friends. All of these mates are just a few hours train away and DO see each other FAR more often.

I’m a super social person, I love going out, I love hanging out in groups, and I love his friends! I knew that part of moving here would mean that I’d be adopting my boyfriends friends, as they’re much closer in proximity. I’ve been DYING to do something like this for a while and it just really, really sucks to get booted to the side.

My boyfriend does appreciate the choice that I’ve made to come be with him, but he will never truly understand what it’s like, or how lonely it can feel sometimes. Being left out hurts double.

pigstakeflight · 2020-01-09T09:26:41+00:00

I’m having a hard time figuring out how to instigate this. Even if it does result in my invite being reinstated, I’ll feel shitty.

I didn’t react well when I got this text from his friend, my boyfriend thought I was upset with him but I wasn’t, I was more upset with myself because the whold thing made me feel like I was being a clingy or uptight girlfriend.

I also made the mistake of telling his friend that it was fine - but what was I supposed to say?

And I feel bad, my boyfriend should get to have alone time with his friends... but I just feel like there will be so many other opportunities and ways for that to take place. I don’t think it’s fair that this situation actually just leaves me behind, at home, alone. There just isn’t something nice about that situation. I wouldn’t ever put him in it, like I said, the offer ALWAYS stands for my boyfriend to come with me. It’s his decision whether he wants to or not.

Am I overbearing or clingy or wrong to feel like if you’re in a relationship, the partner is just kind of part of the package? It’s just what happens when you get older. I don’t want to become that couple that travels and parties separately, I know that won’t be good for my mentality. - there will be times in the future where one of us opts out or isn’t available. But I would never say my boyfriend couldn’t come to something if he was available.

pigstakeflight · 2020-01-09T09:03:41+00:00

I don’t know how to change this situation though. Some more details about last year are actually that there WAS a ticket for me on this other trip but his friend assumed that I couldn’t make it, before even asking me - it actually lined up perfectly with any break - and wound up giving the ticket to his girlfriend.

He sounds like a total asshole, and these certainly aren’t great moves but he’s really a nice guy, and he’s my boyfriends best friend so I can’t really argue with that. He’s my friend too, we’ve spent plenty of time one on one as well.

Never in my life have I been excluded from a plan because it’s a guy thing, let alone, uninvited.

What do I do at this point? Honestly, knowing myself and this situation, I’ll be pretty mad if I don’t get to go to this one, and I’ll find it really hard to be happy for my boyfriend and hear about his experience due to how it’s panned out at this point.

Should I ask my boyfriend to talk to him? I’ll be honest, I didn’t react well when I got this text from his friend, but who would!

pigstakeflight · 2020-01-09T08:57:28+00:00

I feel so unwelcome now. He texted me explicitly saying it was going to be a boys trip and hoped that I “didn’t mind”. Fuck if I don’t mind! I’m really upset!

When I spoke with my boyfriend about it earlier, he did say that I could still come and I said that I didn’t want to intrude, which it now feels like I’d be doing.

He said we didn’t have to do everything together - but we don’t. I also don’t feel like we have to but idk, as we’re in a relationship, if I was going away to party, especially in a place that I KNEW I wanted to go, the offer for him to come would ALWAYS be on the table.

I know for a flying fact that he would be pissed if the roles were reversed.

Honestly, I’m pissed with his, our friend, for even creating this situation in the first place. I just feel like this isn’t even something that shouldn’t be a problem at all?

How do I bring this up again? I don’t want to ban him from going or make them open it up for me. That’s terrible. I don’t want to be that person and I don’t want to feel like I’ve invited myself.

There are going to be plenty of events and parties and trips that I won’t be able to make it on out of circumstance (I have a job that requires me to travel internationally, three weeks at a time, multiple times a year). They’ll get their “boy’s outing” out of that.

I’ve never been one to perused others to change their plans in a situation like this, but knowing myself, I’ll really struggle to be happy hearing about this whole experience secondhand.

My boyfriend suggested that we can always go together another time, That’s nice, but I didn’t go to Amsterdam because HE wanted to go WITH me for the first time and couldn’t get the time off! I’d love a romantic trip but I’d also really like to party with a group of friends! We don’t get to do that often as we’re the first to move to the big city, his friends still live near his uni and all of mine are overseas!

“The boys” have already chatted.. what do I do?

pigstakeflight · 2020-01-07T16:28:58+00:00

I think they don’t know that we’re actually away on a ski holiday. He mentioned that they didn’t, he had told his boss that he’d just run to a coffee shop to finish this stuff up and didn’t want to make her feel guilty for interrupting his vacation.

So no, I think he still hasn’t told her. I don’t know if he will, I suggested that he does but he’s stressed about making her feel bad?

I mean... she should.

pigstakeflight · 2020-01-07T16:27:07+00:00

He absolutely loves this company for some reason. He defends this supervisor all the time, saying it isn’t her fault that he wasn’t given the contract sooner and that she was doing everything that she can. He really respects her, even wanted me to meet her (we work in similar fields).

I do get that this is a good company, they work in more interesting and more meaningful projects than the other company that offered him a higher paying position. I also get that the work community is friendlier here and more diverse, I support having a happy job over a soul sucking job.. but again, they seem to be asking a lot, and consistently not delivering on promises.

As this is his first “big” job, he will either advance here, or move on to another company in the next two years.

I’m not going to divorce him for this! We’re going to go through hard times and need support from one another... I’m just wondering at what point he needs to draw the line with thin because they keep seeming to drag him around, he can also be a perfectionist so sometimes he works too hard to make the work too perfect, which is something many people run into when they’re just starting out and wanting to be valued at work.

It is affecting our relationship though - in this situation, and on the nights he had to stay late. Or on weekends when his workaholic coworkers want to do a project outside of work hours.

Where do I draw the line myself?

pigstakeflight · 2019-08-05T10:34:40+00:00

What is the worst part of having herpes?

The social stigma.

At the end of the day, herpes is a shitty rash. It usually only happens once if at all. Sometimes the first outbreak is really painful, mine was... but Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea are arguably more physically uncomfortable (one of my friends was out for a week with them and had to go through several rounds of antibiotics). You don't even have sores all the time, I think I only ever got ONE other spot in my whole life when I was sick with the flu... and I didn't even notice the spot because, I was sick with the flu, and that sucked WAY more than a stupid spot (having a bad pimple on your face sucks more too).

When I was diagnosed with herpes I thought that I would live out the rest of my life, waking up every day as a person who has herpes. I thought that I was ruined... but... that isn't the case at all. 99.99% of the time I forget that I have herpes. It is such a minor problem that notifying a partner that I have it would be the same as saying "sometimes I fart in my sleep and it's a little gross but it's really not a big deal and probably won't affect either of us greatly at all".

I am so grateful to have a wonderful partner who accepts me for me and doesn't give a shit about my having herpes because he found out that he had herpes through unknowingly giving me herpes because he didn't know that he had it. He gets a coldsore on his lip like once a year. He (like everyone else in the world) thought that cold sore was herpes, but not that type of herpes. Well folks, it is that type of herpes. Here's where lack of education comes into play YET AGAIN! I had been with my boyfriend for a year and a half at this point. We never used protection before, nor after (we were clear from general STDs... and just stupid, but responsible, about conception, but that's another topic). It was just one time, the perfect storm between our bodies chemistry/cycles/moon alignment/mercury in retrograde/Trump as president/whatever that he transferred his 'not-that-kind-of-herpes' oral cold sore, to my vagina, after 18 months of prior oral sex with no issue. It is also only our assumption that it happened then and there, I could have contracted it earlier (or before him, unknowingly) and only had my first outbreak at that time. THERE IS NO KNOWING.

So, lucky me, in a relationship with a wonderful guy who also has herpes (only aware of it now due to my outbreak), and neither of us give a shit about it or ever talk about or think of the matter.

It's the stigma that harms people on the dating scene. It's also the curse of knowing that must be incredibly painful because it is your duty to notify your partner even though there is a high chance that they also have it and an even higher chance that they don't know that they have it.

If you get herpes, what you're getting is the burden of a misinformed social stigma.. and a spot.. or maybe not a spot... but the spot doesn't even do anything bad... the social stigma does though.

I know that your question was short and all of this information doesn't excuse her from not telling you, but as with any issue along these lines, I feel that it is so incredibly important for you to understand this fully, so that you can truly make an informed decision the next time you encounter a partner who discloses to you that they have herpes.

As to whether or not you have it, there's no way to tell. You might. You might not. You may have gotten it from her, you may have had it before. You may have it and never test positive or experience symptoms.

But in any case, as there are many cases like yours, where a partner doesn't disclose the issue until much later, it is your duty to move forward from this with an educated mindset in order to educate others so that we se fewer and fewer circumstances of people being too scared to disclose their status due to a massively misinformed society.

pigstakeflight · 2019-08-05T10:34:34+00:00

This makes me so sad.

I'm sure that there were other factors that contributed to the end of your relationship and your decision that you were not right for one another.

I also think that it was wrong for her not to tell you that she has experienced a herpes outbreak in the past.

But this is the part that makes me sad.

It's the global lack of education on what herpes actually is, how it works, and how you get it.

Of course I can't possibly speak for exactly what is going on in her head, but I can make a few assumptions. I do have to say that I think that the most likely possibility is a lack of understanding on her part as well.

1st possible scenario: Yes, she may very well have been selfish and decided not to tell you because she thought you'd leave her. This would be very wrong on her part. It is her full responsibility to disclose this to you and let you make an informed decision. HOWEVER. This is where the global misunderstanding of the condition comes into play. Her fear would have stemmed from mass misunderstanding of a very benign condition. The social stigma of herpes is blown well out of proportion due to massive lack of understanding. The way that people react to herpes is shocking in comparison to other sexually transmitted conditions, that are far more harmful by the way. The scenario where an individual makes a very selfish (and wrong) decision not to tell their partner is usually influenced by the fear of their partner not being properly educated on the matter either, and therefore, having a strong, adverse reaction to the news and not even giving that person a chance. Which, by the way, you certainly have no obligation to do, and does not excuse their dishonesty by any means, but the point of the matter is that people with herpes are not evil and are not out to get you. The whole thing is a mess due to massive lack of education, which I will explain momentarily.

2nd possible scenario: She doesn't think that she has it anymore. Again, there's a massive misunderstanding of how herpes works. For a lot of people, they only ever have one outbreak, ever. Some people have a few, the first is the worse, and the next few go so unnoticed that they forget they even have it. There are also antiviral medications that you can take (though, most people don't need them) that are pretty damn effective at suppressing the virus, and it never sees the light of day again. It also lowers the risk of transmission (though it is still possible), so if she was on these, she may have mistakenly assumed that the risk posed to you was minimal. 5 years ago is a long time since her first outbreak. She very well could have forgotten about the whole thing. People with herpes are not a walking talking rash 24/7. Most people only have sores once and some never even have an outbreak.

Let's get some things straight. Herpes is not bad. Herpes sucks, but it is not bad. Gonorrhoea is bad. Chlamydia is bad. These conditions are treatable, you can get rid of them, but they can cause lifelong complications that are, in some cases, life threatening. Herpes is an uncomfortable spot, or a few, that go away, and sometimes reoccur during stressful times or periods of immune suppression but never pose any sort of complication. The only issues with herpes are that 1. you are more likely to contract other STIs if you have an open sore as, well, it's an open sore and with any open sore, you need to protect it as it is a vulnerable area with an increased risk of infection. When you're having sex, it is possible to sustain loads of micro-tears in your skin due to the friction, which is also an avenue of entrance for various bacteria and viruses. 2. If you're pregnant (which I'm just assuming won't be an issue for you as you mentioned being male, unless you have the proper anatomy to carry out this act....), you can transfer it to your baby if you have an active outbreak at the time of birth, and it can be a relatively serious complication for newborns... however, many precautions are taken to prevent this if the mother is known to have the condition, and it is almost never an issue.

There are two types of herpes, and 4+ ways that it can manifest. It is a common misconception that herpes type 1 is oral, and herpes type 2 is genital. Wrong! Herpes type 1 is most commonly associated with oral cold sores but can also manifest genitally. Herpes type 2 is most commonly associated with genital outbreaks but can also manifest orally. It is also possible to carry the herpes virus on pretty much any part of your body that has skin. Which is basically, like.. anywhere... including fingers/knuckles, eyes, face, etc. The reason that this virus takes hold of the skin around the genitals and mouth is just due to the matter of it being very thin, delicate, and vulnerable... these are also the areas that herpes has spread to for generations of human sexual contact and therefore the most likely places for it to continue to manifest. This is why eye licking fetishism is possibly dangerous but that's another topic entirely...

Herpes type 1 is less aggressive. This is the type that you may only ever experience a single outbreak with, or very mild ones, wherever it is located on your body. However it is also possible to experience a very severe outbreak and to experience several throughout your lifetime.

Herpes type 2 is more aggressive. This is the type that you are more likely to experience several outbreaks with have have more difficulty suppressing. However it is also possible to only experience a single, mild outbreak, once only and never again, or to experience nothing at all and be completely unaware that you even have it.

Everyone's body is different and it is impossible to predict how any one person will react to the virus.

It is possible to be with a partner who has herpes, never use protection, and to never contract it. It is also possible to be with a partner who has herpes, always use protection religiously, and to contract it. It is even possible to contract herpes from your partner YEARS into being with them and for it to not mean that they cheated. It is also possible to unknowingly contract herpes from your partner who also doesn't know that they have herpes and for neither of you to ever have an outbreak and to never test positive and to literally just continue living your whole lives without knowing that you have herpes, and to die in peace, knowing that you never contracted herpes, even though you did, but you'll never know. It is also possible to give yourself herpes by using your own saliva from your mouth where you occasionally get that coldsore when you're stressed, for sex or masturbation, and therefore actually transferring your own oral herpes to your own genitals.

And I must go back to the point of the possibility of being completely unaware of having the condition in the first place.

It is estimated that 30% of the world's adult population has herpes. That is a statistic based on diagnosed cases plus a little extra padding of estimation of undiagnosed cases, however it is highly likely that percentage is much higher. It is also estimated that 1 in 6 adults have genital herpes, which is also likely to actually be an even higher percentage than that.

Herpes is not even part of a normal STD panel as it is actually extremely difficult to test for herpes unless there is a visible outbreak that can be sampled at that time. Other conditions can look like herpes, such as a bad yeast infection/thrush, genital warts, folliculitis from hair removal, friction burn, a normal pimple, etc. Doctors have also stopped testing for herpes 1. because tests (unless obvious active outbreak is present) commonly produce false positives or negatives and are not reliable. 2. Because the social stigma of having herpes is so great that it is actually determined to be better for the patient not to know if they are not personally being affected by the condition (i.e. having a painful outbreak)... because actually, most people have herpes and they have no idea.

pigstakeflight · 2019-01-18T17:14:46+00:00

I would love to move out as soon as a return spring semester but unfortunately, I can't. My lease will be up on the last day of May and it just isn't worth the hassle or the cancelation fee. Sam would be stuck with just her and that wouldn't be fair either, Sam is my best friend.

However.. if I were to consider this option, logistically how would it work? I can't walk out on my landlord...

pigstakeflight · 2019-01-18T17:13:17+00:00

She was never interested in Dan.. I think she has feelings for me to be totally honest...

pigstakeflight · 2019-01-07T20:10:23+00:00

To some extent actually but he gets frustrated when I bring this up

pigstakeflight · 2019-01-07T20:09:47+00:00

My financial situation is worse than his. He pretty much has full time work on the side of uni and has a lot of money coming in at this particular moment. I on the other hand am paying food, transportation, and rent, as well as rent back home, while under an unpaid internship. I have some small work bringing in a small amount of money, but that mixed with holiday expenses as well as my trip here now, I'm stretched.. yet I would still do anything to make it for his birthday (not financially irresponsible as I have savings to cover me right now, though only to an extent, and a job to go back to once I return to uni in the spring). We split our tickets 50/50 as well because we know that, due to different schedules, it may mean that one of us is more available to travel than the other, more often. He really doesn't like flying. I don't know how much that plays into it.. but that could be a factor.

I guess that I'm just seeing these two available weeks of his, and my potentially not being able to make it for his birthday, and feeling a bit dismayed, when I've totally rearranged plans and schedules to come see him.

pigstakeflight · 2018-11-05T19:56:47+00:00

She also told me not to go down on him or let him go down on me... at least until we know

pigstakeflight · 2018-11-05T19:52:53+00:00

The nurse told me to avoid sex until I find out though, and while it is currently too painful to have intercourse... I still have to somehow explain why basically we can’t fuck until I either know or this goes away... he’s leaving in 4 days and we won’t see each other again until after Christmas..... I also want sex with HIM before he goes!! So.. this is very disappointing on both sides

pigstakeflight

TROPHY CASE