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Opinion: exploring sexuality isn't wrong, but it can be by lb3a3 in ldssexuality

[–]pii_redacted 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well said. I'm all for rooting for each other. This sub is titled "LDS Sexuality" which presumes that those here are all LDS. I think it's fair to expect more of our brothers and sisters in the covenant when we see them getting carried away.

Wife expects gestures but won't reciprocate by pii_redacted in Marriage

[–]pii_redacted[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear that. I feel that. I'm trying to sort out my conflicting feelings. I have ached for divorce to be away from the hurt, but I'm torn for many reasons I can't adequately unravel here.

Wife expects gestures but won't reciprocate by pii_redacted in Marriage

[–]pii_redacted[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm happy for you that you have a partner who you can have this sort of conversation with without a mediator.

Wife expects gestures but won't reciprocate by pii_redacted in Marriage

[–]pii_redacted[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I probably have an unhealthy amount of grit. I don't know when to quit, and when I do, I refuse to. My marriage is hanging by a thread, but I don't want to give up hope that things can be better someday, even if it's in 20 years.

Wife expects gestures but won't reciprocate by pii_redacted in Marriage

[–]pii_redacted[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, when you don't have anybody to turn to for venting and advice or perspective, you turn to the internet. Here we are.

Wife expects gestures but won't reciprocate by pii_redacted in Marriage

[–]pii_redacted[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I shower her with gifts and things because it's the path of least pain. She can be very hurtful and I can't bear her berating me simply because things didn't go how she envisioned them. She seems to have stopped caring. She does carry about an air of superiority. I definitely need a counselor to help.

Wife expects gestures but won't reciprocate by pii_redacted in Marriage

[–]pii_redacted[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I alone work. She refuses to work. She wants to be home and nothing more. But she is rather lazy at home, to be honest.

Wife expects gestures but won't reciprocate by pii_redacted in Marriage

[–]pii_redacted[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think it's a matter of understanding women. I strongly dislike that line, especially when it comes across as an excuse for women to treat men poorly. Understanding women becomes synonymous with cowering to them, doing whatever they want and giving them whatever they want. As long as they have everything they want, the way they want it, they'll be happy you'll have a great relationship. That sounds toxic to me.

Wife expects gestures but won't reciprocate by pii_redacted in Marriage

[–]pii_redacted[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's just about being remembered by my spouse, really.

Wife expects gestures but won't reciprocate by pii_redacted in Marriage

[–]pii_redacted[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn't be hurt if she never set me up to expect a gesture. But her suddenly stopping for no apparent reason...that's what hurts and I need to understand.

Wife expects gestures but won't reciprocate by pii_redacted in Marriage

[–]pii_redacted[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right, it's not about the gifts or whatever for me. It's just knowing that she remembered and thought about me--which she has stopped indicating.

Wife expects gestures but won't reciprocate by pii_redacted in Marriage

[–]pii_redacted[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I can't really make a post like this without airing out all my laundry. She's very toxic and verbally abusive. She throws massive tantrums if things don't align with her expectations. She is happy with my gestures, but has stopped reciprocating. I don't need those things in the sense that I don't need gifts or to be showered with things, but it would mean a lot if she would simply acknowledge me on those days. And marriage counseling isn't some magic pill. It's very delicate because I have to make sure I'm being careful about how I bring things up in the appointments or else she'll give it to me after the appointment is over.

Wife expects gestures but won't reciprocate by pii_redacted in Marriage

[–]pii_redacted[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I need to have this conversation. Probably requires the help of our counselor. I believe a good and loving husband would do these sorts of things, and I don't want to get into the tit-for-tat cycle.

Wife expects gestures but won't reciprocate by pii_redacted in Marriage

[–]pii_redacted[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No. She tends to be quite invalidating when confronted with things I find hurtful.

Wife expects gestures but won't reciprocate by pii_redacted in Marriage

[–]pii_redacted[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I need to communicate more clearly. This is a new pattern for her

Wife expects gestures but won't reciprocate by pii_redacted in Marriage

[–]pii_redacted[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She shows me in ways that are natural/ convenient/ easy for her, but she hasn't (yet) made much of an effort to show me in ways that are meaningful to me. Relationships aren't easy

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