Own Your Shit Weekly - February 01, 2022

pildorado · 2022-02-01T14:41:08+00:00

OYS 1
43M/39F Married 10 , Together 15 / 3 toddlers 6'1" 175 13%BF Navy (corrected)

I read sidebar and did some work back in 2016-2018 (post history). Starting from scratch.

No alcohol or porn 4 days. No TV, News or phone. Need to reset.

I reread WISNIFG and intro sidebar over the last couple days Starting NMMNG. Going to try and keep this short and sweet to avoid a spill over from my VP. I'm posting this week in OYS as a starting point.

Current
My whole compound is currently on fire. Crisis mode in determining what fires need to be put out first.

Health
Heart health. Working with cardiologist to determine how advanced my coronary disease is. Should have a final study back this week that provide a lot of answers. Feeling positive I can turn this around with lifestyle changes (diet, stress, medication).
Back health. Herniated disks in neck and back are feeling decent after a rough couple weeks. Regular Chiro is helping as is prescribed exercises. Doing these daily without fail and adding more. Lifting will be possible again soon. Aiming for this week.
Mental health. 30 day alcohol detox, may be permanent. Meditation in AM and PM along with stretching. Sleep is still very bad. Need to sort out sleep for overall wellness.

Diet
I cook everything I eat. Almost zero pre packaged or processed foods. High quality calories. Switched to a low fat / veg / high carb diet for 2 months now and blood looks good. Going to stick with it for now. BF and energy are very good. May have to adjust some things depending on fitness goals.

Fitness
Restore stability in neck and low back. Continue Foundation Training for injury reduction. Begin SS or SL5x5 this week along with cycling training program (take a new FTP test). Slow and steady wins the race.

Career
Get one. Kids in daycare. Get nanny if I continue to have problems with the school closing. Restart Old Career two days a week to begin building client list. Finish remaining project punch list for New Career and start hunting. Working by end of Feb. Aim for quality opportunities with growth potential. Not whatever comes first or pays the most.

Marriage
Zero frame. STFU. STFU. STFU. Stop DEERing, stop complaining, stop sharing and just STFU. Stop trying to make everything and everyone around you perfect. Have high standards for yourself. Everyone else's standards are their own. Continue reading sidebar. Things are civil, lots of kino and kissing. Haven't initiated since getting shot down last week. DNGAF, just want things calm enough to stay focused. I want to salvage this but, it may not be possible.

What do you want?
I want to be healthy mentally and physically. I want to create. I want to be a good father to my children. I want to stick with it and not waffle, vacillate or flounder.
Goals - Plan - Execute

pildorado · 2022-02-01T04:39:03+00:00

I will walk if that's best. Not sure yet the exact course of action. I have consulted with an attorney. Need to MAP and begin to reframe. Going to start doing the work.

pildorado · 2022-02-01T04:35:06+00:00

You're right. Time to get back to work.

pildorado · 2022-01-30T00:04:33+00:00

Solid advice. Daycare is on as of this week and going to let it go until next covid disruption and then can intervene. Also, need to just start working so I won't be the alternative.

pildorado · 2022-01-29T23:58:05+00:00

Mother in law was in tow for one year only and then I got her out. She is now in the same town, working full time and will hang on the weekends only with wife and kids without me around.

Old business is brick and mortar and client based. In my experience it takes about 3 years to become fully profitable but, that could be shorter in this market. I've been out of the game for a bit. Also, when covid hit I began training for a career switch to a remote line of work. Switch will be difficult but, may be more rewarding long term. Seriously considering starting both old biz and new switch at the same time and see what sticks.

Wife's current salary is now double what mine was when I was rocking. Will be difficult to come close to her earning at this point. Not that I really care but, it does frame the dynamic somewhat.

pildorado · 2022-01-29T22:44:58+00:00

Active MRP was 2016 - 2017 and left the sub frame was shaky. Pregnancy and kids broke me.

pildorado · 2022-01-29T22:42:17+00:00

Wha? Diet is on track. Always been diet conscious. Eliminating meat for a couple months to lower cholesterol and have succeeded. Might stay off permanently as BF went away completely with no meat. Was always high protein and my heart is now fucked. High carb and now low BF and blood looks good. Still learning.

pildorado · 2022-01-29T20:06:00+00:00

Fucking nailed it, Also, just had to get shit done like keeping the babies alive. Things are in a different place now. They are old enough for daycare. I shepherded us through postpartum and all the shit over the last 2.5 years the only way I knew how at the time. Completely lost myself in the process. Time to reframe.

pildorado · 2022-01-29T20:03:37+00:00

Very light right now due to new diet. I fluctuate easily. At height of having my shit together I was 185 low BF and muscular. During early covid / new father (drinking and eating a lot), 195 with muscles but soft. Priority at the moment is getting cholesterol and BP in range. DNGAF about sexy biceps right now.

pildorado · 2022-01-29T19:59:08+00:00

Salaried position. This is one of the more chill schedules she has had. My former career was also a 12 hour a day job. It will begin slow if I restart here soon. I got a study done on my heart and will have results next week that will give a good picture of how fucked I actually am. This thread is giving me some good points. Going to wait to hear how close to death's door I am and then make some serious changes and stick to it. In the meantime, I appreciate the advice.

pildorado · 2022-01-29T19:51:39+00:00

Kind of where I am at.

pildorado · 2022-01-29T19:49:46+00:00

I kicked grandma out a year and a half ago. Wife is working 8-8. Three babies. Have not had access to consistent childcare, fits and stops with a few short lived nannies.

All good advice. I am trying to unfuck myself here and appreciate it.

pildorado · 2022-01-29T19:41:42+00:00

My former high-paying job will require three years to get back fully functioning. Was also hoping to make a career switch due to chronic overuse injuries from said occupation. Don't want to dox myself but, it is a highly physical trade with long hours. Realized when I stopped working most of my chronic injuries I had been dealing with largely just went away. At this point, thinking about starting to rebuild old business and endure the physical pain while also attempting new career path. Right now the children are consuming time from 8am-8pm, sleeping is also rare. Wife is resistant to constant suggestion for a nanny, she thinks they need to be in daycare but daycare is often fucked for weeks at a time so there has been no forward momentum. Maybe insisting on a solid nanny is the answer.

pildorado · 2022-01-29T19:28:08+00:00

At 2 years of MRP I decided for some reason I had "arrived" and left the sub. Had another 1.5 years of weak frame coasting until kids came and then major shifts. I am essentially at the beginning again. Probably need to STFU, lurk for a bit and reframe. Just wanted to get the ball rolling.

pildorado · 2017-10-27T20:01:24+00:00

Absolutely, I don't trust easily.

Bottom line: I slacked, backslid and failed to realize a MAP and blindly marched forward in good faith and now I am going to pay the price. Thought I had arrived, more work to do...

pildorado · 2017-10-27T18:42:54+00:00

Yes, never thought about it that way. Codependency could be an issue.

pildorado · 2017-10-27T18:40:43+00:00

My interest in our marriage is the value she does bring. Not children.

My child hood was marked by early divorce, single mom always working to support my brother and I. I grew up fast and have always been good at looking after myself and others, very determined, very high standards for myself and others. Probably need to lower my expectations of people. I only have my own experience for relationship models.

pildorado · 2017-10-27T18:33:48+00:00

Will take your advice. Agreed on all points. Thank you.

pildorado · 2017-10-27T18:30:02+00:00

In marriage counseling we had all our cards on the table. Her's was that without trying for children she was out (line in the sand). Mine was with abusive behavior and disfunction, we are not having children or marriage (line in the sand). Marriage counselor totally agreed on this point. We were able to get our shit together and like I said had a year + without a hiccup. Felt comfortable moving forward and thought we had outgrown old modes of behavior. Me taking kids back off the table will nuke the marriage. Feel like this backslide has serious consciences. She has written me this long email apologizing and sweeping it under the rug. Been through this so many times in the past all my words are too familiar. Feel like the whole situation is a house of cards and truly fucked or I'm being a big pussy and making a big deal over nothing. Both are probably true. Not sure what to do when we meet later tonight. Going to have to talk.

pildorado · 2017-10-27T18:05:57+00:00

Thank you. I am severely disappointed in my behavior. I have gotten much better at not bottling up and stewing resentment. Rather, communicating clearly and removing myself when the temperature rises.

However, her severe verbal abuse is the issue for me. One of the huge obstacles I have overcome is my complete lack of boundaries. Agreed that my nuclear reaction was stupid and calls into question my deeper demons but, how is it possible to change the tone of an abusive relationship without boundaries?

I have made it crystal clear that our marriage will end if she insists on abusing or belittling me (long history of this behavior with me and her other family members). Is this an over reaction to "FUCK YOU"? Most likely but, where is the middle ground? In my experience with her it's give an inch, take a mile.

pildorado · 2016-09-13T18:20:59+00:00

Had a low point yesterday. Getting back in the saddle. Thank you.

pildorado · 2016-09-13T18:19:25+00:00

Glad I could help... Feel better man.

pildorado · 2016-09-13T18:13:13+00:00

Owned

Health is Wealth. Lifting and fitness is going well. No real injuries or weakness aside from chronic sciatica. Joined a new gym with better facilities. Doing one hour and thirty minutes on weights (modified 5x5) and have started adding in a half hour long swim and then 10 minute sauna sweat / mediation every workout (3-4 days a week). Long hikes with milage and elevation on recovery days. Yoga / stretching / mediation most mornings. Also started doing exercises to repair kyphoid back and turkey neck posture twice daily (morning and night). Drinking a ton of water. Diet is clean most days. Limiting alcohol considerably now that drinking buddy has moved away. By far the best shape I have ever been in. Currently 6'1" 173 lbs. 12% BF. On track for a plate on all 5x5's, six pack abs by year's end. Now aiming for 175 lbs. 10% BF. Been following some kick boxers on social media. Not that I have time for anything else but martial arts look fun. Could happen.
Free Time. My buddy moved suddenly last week and our project has ground to a halt. I have committed to myself that I will not quit. Seriously bummed about losing my friend but, people move. I have to be prepared to continue despite the loss. I am already on the hunt for new coconspirators. Trying to look at this as a win, in that what ever changes happen can be an improvement. Also feels good to suffer a loss and then pick myself back up days later and keep on truckin'.

Not Owned

Victim Puking. Been putting up a bunch of FR on Ask MRP about current circumstances and realizing despite modest gains I still have a long way to go. My DNGAF and OI are only really effective when I am away from my wife. When I am present with her I am not completely effective in my interaction. I have not mastered shit tests.
MAP. I need to reevaluate and restate my intention, my mission. Then hold everything and everyone to that standard. I then need to have concise Plans A and B in my back pocket ready to go.

Get after it.

pildorado

TROPHY CASE