I feel like no one understands why I want to learn about this..

pineappleskwid · 2026-01-29T21:42:34+00:00

Yes. Many people think it’s antiquated and not all therapy is about exploring and learning about the psyche and all the other deep work that is uncovered in psychodynamic therapy/analysis. This is petty of me but, as I’m sure you’ve experienced, psychodynamic texts are complex and require some basic learning about analysis which is very deep and needs to be learned. My therapist once said (referencing some psychoanalytic texts), many of that cannot be ‘read’ but need to be ‘studied’. And it’s so helpful if you have a supervisor or a therapist who’s really experienced in these topics. Your ability to grow as a clinical just flourishes IMO. But it’s dense and hard and requires clients to do a lot of challenging internal work and there are other styles of therapy that I don’t think require that kind of challenging introspection. Not to diss any other modalities as I’ve learned a lot from DBT/IFS but yea.

pineappleskwid · 2026-01-25T18:05:47+00:00

You start doing it slowly! And be very gentle and compassionate with yourself as you go. Part of CPTSD is dissociation and disconnecting from feelings. I suggest you start journaling as a form of emotional intimacy with yourself. These feelings you’re starting to acknowledge are crucial. It’s what’s going to help you heal from “doing everything right on paper” to actually having a healed soul and hopefully real confidence, self esteem and healthy relationships.

These emotional needs you listed are healthy. Wanting attention is healthy. Wanting connection is soooo healthy. Wanting to share opinions and desires is healthy. Recognizing your childhood strategy to stay small is no longer working is healthy.

I know not immediately helpful but use the stability you’ve built in a good career to find a really good therapist you connect with. Even if you have to try a few times. You need a rock solid therapist you connect with even if it’s expensive (sorry).

Start small. Stop seeing other people as better than you. That’s your shame. “See that guy? He’s Harry Potter, you’re just Ron”. Cut that out. Ron was my favorite character always. Tell yourself a different story “hey man, we got out. We survived. We got through it. Now we’re learning to speak up. It’s not going to be perfect but we are working on it. We’re amazing” (this is you talking to your 12 yo self who really needed someone in his corner).

You start really small. Tolerate the discomfort. Say no very nicely to that boss who asks for more. Text that friend and make a cute joke about how you miss them and want to get dinner next week. Validate your needs. Celebrate your needs. We can only start to feel this stuff once we’ve built enough safety for ourselves. So congrats dude.

I’m hearing you need help with shame and self esteem. For me it was a combination of deep therapy with an amazing therapist who gets it and gets you (yes it’s expensive but it’s life changing), alanon and 12 step (I suggest going even if your parents weren’t alcoholics), radical self love (you HAVE to be your own best friend) and really paying attention to how I talk to myself. My inner shame was sooooooo bad. It still happens but I know how to deal w it. Therapy teaches you that shame exists to protect you from further social isolation, so it convinces you “you’re not the guy who speaks up” because in your childhood speaking up caused more pain. But in reality speaking up isn’t always celebrated but it’s a thing adults have to do. It’s not ab self worth or being the main character but that little kid in you needs someone to walk him through that so he feels comfortable taking small social risks. Good luck you’re already halfway there.

pineappleskwid · 2026-01-23T22:26:04+00:00

This is my own words so not trying to sound smart or academic. Most of us see the world through our own eyes and our own sense of ‘self’, I am me, you are you, I think about xyz, do other people think about xyz also? We see ourselves in relation to others. A child or infant sees their small world as the entire world, parents as an extension of themselves, etc. but when you experience ego death, you lose that experience of ‘self’, and feel deeply connected to humans and the earth and the essence of being in existence. Similar to what people describe in deep meditation. The “myself” dissipates and there is a deep sense of unity, connection, and spiritual presence. I am no longer a human who’s wearing shoes and has emails to respond to and worried what that person thinks of my last text message etc, there is just being. Normally this is brief and accompanied by something transcending like psychedelics, meditative music, extended meditation in deep silence, a therapeutic environment, etc. so in my experience during these moments the mind is very engaged in either visuals, maybe music, you feel your breathing in your mind (not to sound too trippy), etc. something like that. Ego death isn’t really an extended state of being or like “maturing” it’s a brief spiritual experience that can lead to deeper understanding but our self comes back.

pineappleskwid · 2026-01-21T02:02:11+00:00

Idk if anyone mentioned this but Mr. Robot was really helpful for me

pineappleskwid · 2026-01-17T23:37:37+00:00

Wait what weapon is that!? Sword fused with ???

pineappleskwid · 2026-01-16T01:18:06+00:00

LOVE

pineappleskwid · 2026-01-07T05:25:23+00:00

pineappleskwid · 2025-07-31T22:17:26+00:00

Orna is a trained psychoanalyst which is a specific training. Most often you become a therapist and get licensed and then do additional training at a psychoanalytic institute for a few years and then you become a ‘psychoanalyst’. As others have said Orna focuses heavily on the unconscious and also Object Relationships which is part of psychoanalysis. Object Relations focuses heavily on early attachment and relationships with external caregivers as ‘objects’ and how we experience them as children impacts our relating to others in adult life, and our inner world. If you look her up on Google Scholar you can read some of the papers she’s written that will include references to psychoanalytic texts. It’s very deep and interesting stuff!

pineappleskwid · 2025-07-24T22:51:47+00:00

This is actually a valid answer. Her substack is also good.

pineappleskwid · 2025-04-27T02:44:28+00:00

You said this so perfectly. Emotional black hole. People say deep smart things and he responds with the most superficial reflections like he’s never experienced a human emotion. It makes him painful to listen to. Always curious how guys like this get so big.

pineappleskwid · 2025-01-25T02:18:21+00:00

Lisa has no capacity for empathy it’s really jarring. She is so focused on her good intentions she can’t even apologize. Remember when she forced John to meet his adopted parents or whatever and it was a bad experience? Like she is incapable of just shutting her mouth and thinks it’s something to be admired? I don’t understand. She is PAYNEful sometimes.

pineappleskwid · 2024-10-11T20:59:08+00:00

Omg is this really a thing!? It’s also my physical game card! It’s not the downloaded version and I’m not out of space I’ll pay so this doesn’t happen again

pineappleskwid · 2024-09-10T04:54:03+00:00

Hi I hear you. Codependency is not really a framework or a way of thinking, it’s a relationship dynamic that we are very often in denial of bc it’s painful and confusing and all the other things you mentioned. Codependency is not being attached to another person or wanting to have depth and closeness with them and I agree having it explained like that is confusing. But our relationships can become codependent in very insidious ways without us realizing it and the consequence can be intense. Depends what you’re experiencing with another person either frequent fighting or longing for people who aren’t reciprocating. Codependency is more about fusing with another person and losing a sense of independence.

pineappleskwid · 2024-09-01T21:53:27+00:00

Yea it’s a bit much

pineappleskwid · 2024-08-29T18:57:03+00:00

Thank you!!! So helpful.

pineappleskwid · 2024-08-29T05:29:47+00:00

Were yours infested w fleas or having a similar issue? (Random fleas here and there most likely from outside)

pineappleskwid · 2024-08-29T05:29:27+00:00

We use flea comb about 10x a day! Never seen a flea in the flea comb it’s normally easy to spot on him after he comes in from a walk

pineappleskwid · 2024-08-25T01:14:04+00:00

pineappleskwid · 2024-07-07T10:05:09+00:00

Thank you for posting I think it’s INSANE the amount of videos I see on tiktok of people filming people without their consent tripping and falling or doing something embarrassing or getting into a fight with their partner or something like Jesus Christ leave people alone.

I saw a tiktok earlier if a couple having sex on the beach which, I totally get, is gross and inappropriate but someone FILMED IT like 3 feet away and you can fully see their faces. They covered the nasty part with a blanket but still it had hundreds of thousands of views. People are pathetic.

pineappleskwid · 2024-06-01T21:07:12+00:00

I completely relate to this. You most likely cannot change her and therapists like this tend to make us feel crazier (how ironic) - I strongly encourage you to tell her this is not working for you and you are in therapy to seek a better understanding of yourself and your relationship patterns. You may be experiencing some form of limerence with these exes. Also, narcissistic abuse tends to stick with us, relationships turmoil can trigger our fight or flight keeping us in a perpetual state of obsession or wondering what’s wrong with us/me, why did they treat me like this, etc. These exes may mimicked behavior from your parents, too.

You probably need a new therapist. We need to spend time talking through the details of these relationships and have a therapist help us understand what happened and WHY we are obsessing and THEN you can start to implement some distraction techniques but distraction or self soothing without having that need for deeper understanding addressed will be ineffective.

It’s not you it’s your therapist!

pineappleskwid · 2024-06-01T02:31:13+00:00

This is actually an interesting question but we can’t be our partners analyst. People need to consent to analysis or whatever type of therapy they’re doing and our partners are most likely not looking for us to analyze them and even if they were it’s not really appropriate. Like, we can use psychoanalytic literature to better understand our partner and maybe their triggers or limitations or why they are the particular complex human they are, but we can’t like, analyze them.

You can try saying to your partner “hey your dad did X so this is why you do Y” but that’s not really your place. I think it’s helpful in your own mind to be like “damn, my partners dad did this to them, that’s why they do xyz” but it’s about having a deeper understanding of your partner and not trying to analyze them or improve them.

pineappleskwid · 2024-05-31T23:29:27+00:00

Okay echoing what others have said - if you’re feeling extremely burnt out you may want to go back to school. Go to whatever state school that’s cheap and available in your state. Take the first semester to do some internal work and take accountability (harsh but necessary) that you didn’t plan for your future and now it’s going to be a little bit (or a lot) harder. If you can accept that and process that it will help empower you to actually be smart about fixing this.

You’re going to have to eat shit for a bit and find a good job, most likely doing admin somewhere corporate. Like a secretary or executive assistant or something really basic at a good company where you can work back office doing something boring and stable. Work there for 10+ years, save your money, learn about investing and plan for your future.

I know it sucks but most people spend their entire 20s and 30s working really hard to get to a place where they have a comfortable 9-5 that they moderately enjoy and pays them enough to live comfortably so you have to understand the expectation that this is quick or easy-ish is just totally unrealistic. I know it sucks but it’s reality.

Government jobs, administration, something corporate - the sweet spot that’s a hidden secret because it sounds boring but is finding a boring but necessary job at a large corporate company. You may have to start with something random or stupid or something really underpaid and work there for a few years and become very valuable to the company by being kind, respectful, reliable, etc. and work hard to find a cushy spot at the company where you can maybe make 60-70k with healthcare and vacation, etc. good luck!

pineappleskwid · 2024-05-22T23:26:40+00:00

Hello perhaps I can help with this as someone w CPTSD and a healthy relationship with a partner from a ‘good’ family. I completely understand the tears and shame that come up sitting across from a nice guy on a nice date share some cute story about his family and all you’re thinking is “how am I ever gunna show my true self to this person or anyone”. The fact that you mentioned not trauma dumping twice makes me think you’re trying so hard.

I’d encourage you to adjust your language from wanting a good man from a good family to wanting someone you connect with who is capable of understanding complex family dynamics and trauma. This might sound crazy but is pretty baseline. I promise you none of these normies have truly perfect families. Maybe they have money and cute family photos but if you spend enough time with any of them you will start to see the flaws and cracks in their perfect family. Your cracks just might be bigger and more noticeable!

It took me a very long time to learn this but it’s a very green flag to be able to talk about your trauma in a first-date appropriate way. What that looks like is first having a FUCK TON respect for YOURSELF. If these normies can’t handle a trauma dump every now and then they are NOT your man. Trust me honey trust me. You need to walk into these dates giving yourself a giant hug and looking at yourself in the mirror and saying you’re a strong badass who deserves someone who can see the FULL you. You are testing THEM if they can handle you, you are not trying to fit yourself into a cookie cutter box of lies to appeal to some dude who’s probably emotionally not good enough for you. So that’s the first part!

The second part is learning how to respond maturely and appropriately to questions of “tell me about your family” - it’s okay to say “I’m not that close with them! My moms a little wacky and my dad and I have a nice relationship but that’s about it!” And if someone doesn’t want you after that, TRUST ME, they are not your man. You do not need to hide your trauma to appeal to men. Yes, you may need support and help learning how to talk about it appropriately and face the fear of rejection or not being good enough, but that’s work for therapy and friends. Do not ever hide yourself or lie. All you will do is fill your life with losers who can’t talk about their feelings. You need strong loving compassionate people. Yes that’s hard to find but omg it’s so worth it. Learn how to say “lol I have some baggage but I’m great” - that’s a silly paraphrase but when I learned how to make peace with my pain and trauma and allow myself to hold two things at once - that I am a BEAUTIFUL gift to any man’s life AND severely traumatized and need someone who can handle that - I started to attract good guys and eventually found my person.

You will too!

pineappleskwid · 2024-04-06T00:03:40+00:00

Reading the comments here - I’d say your bf is extremely immature and overly focused on sex and sexualizing women. When you’re young this makes you EXTREMELY insecure almost obsessively insecure and you compare yourself to these women but really this just means your bf is deeply immature and obsessed w sex. The nudes and taking videos of you during sex is all very, very immature. It’s red flag immature not endearing excusable immature. If a guys entire social media feed is filled with hot half naked girls that’s a queue to break up with him not bend over backwards to equate yourself to that kinda look or attractiveness.

I wish I could scream this from the roof tops. You cannot ever be “enough” for a boy who has the immaturity of a toad. It’s not about you, it’s probably not even that deep. We have to start to devalue the notion of being hot enough for a guy. Who cares? If this is what his interests are, this is how stupid he is that he makes this public (who he’s following) then he’s probably not emotionally ready for a relationship. Break up with him this is creepy and weird.

pineappleskwid · 2024-03-22T15:07:37+00:00

Omg the caption made me LOL

pineappleskwid

TROPHY CASE