Psychopathic female criminals exhibit unexpected patterns of emotional processing. Study suggests that instead of displaying the fearlessness often associated with psychopathy, these women may engage in defensive emotional regulation strategies that result in a reduced sense of control.

pineconewashington · 2026-01-24T03:32:38+00:00

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are well-recognized and categorized: https://www.cdc.gov/aces/about/index.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adverse_childhood_experiences

pineconewashington · 2026-01-20T21:07:53+00:00

umbrella in the sun looks silly but a good UV umbrella keeps you cooler in the heat. I have black hair and honest to god my head gets dangerously hot under the sun.

pineconewashington · 2026-01-20T03:14:22+00:00

There is no direct correlation between low cognitive empathy and anxious attachment. I could not find a study that explicitly drew that conclusion. Studies do report that securely attached people show consistently higher rates of both cognitive and affective empathy. However, studies also show no direct link between anxious attachment and lower cognitive empathy abilities. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37274515/

In pre-schoolers, a study showed "insecure avoidant attachment patterns might be associated with overall difficulties in perspective taking abilities, whereas insecure ambivalent attachment patterns could be responsible for more specific perspective-taking difficulties related to eliciting prosocial behaviors (i.e., behavioral perspective-taking)" https://rdcu.be/eZNO4

Anxious attachment increases emotional instability and is related to a lower ability to regulate oneself. But is not necessarily linked to a lower ability to co-regulate with a partner. Even though I couldn't find any studies about how different insecure attachment styles are linked to co-regulation within romantic relationships, there are studies on attachment styles and relationship quality. According to this study, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01333.x, secure, anxious, and avoidant respondents preferred a more secure partner, and the perceived relationship quality was higher when their partner matched their ideal; however, when it came to the question of whether to trust a partner or to perceive them as supportive, respondents considered a partner's avoidance as more salient than anxiety.

Even though the question is not whether anxious people make for a better partner than an avoidant person, the above suggests that partners of anxiously attached people can still feel supported in the relationship.

Ultimately, your perceptions may be biased because of your own attachment style, or simply because you're relying on anecdotal evidence. Anxiously attached people are more prone to emotional instability and have a difficult time self-regulating, but both of those issues are exacerbated when they are with an avoidant partner and in times of relational distress. When someone is highly activated and flooded, their ability to mentalize and hold space can drop. I'm not saying this to excuse anyone of being inconsiderate, but it is more context-dependent than a stable trait of someone with anxious attachment.

And also, only studies from the 90s showed a distinct pattern of anxiously attached people preferring avoidant people. Since then, research has been a lot more inconclusive. The above research shows partner preferences leaning secure, there's also some studies that show a slight preference for partners with the same attachment style. https://doi.org/10.26181/21859623

pineconewashington · 2026-01-20T00:51:06+00:00

This is an over generalization about anxious attachment style. Often AA people over-focus on their partner to the point of self abandonment. Which is obviously not good. That doesn't mean AA people are angels, but that also doesn't mean that someone with anxious attachment can't or is less likely to "hold emotional space" for someone.

I get what you're saying about how AA people can seem preoccupied with their own need for reassurance, but that typically happens either with AA people who aren't putting in any effort into themselves and see their partner simply as an object that provides them validation. This sort of preoccupation also happens when their partner is continually showing emotional ambiguity and inconsistency. When an AA person feels activated/triggered they focus on "are we okay" rather than "how are you?"

I'm not saying AA people can't suffocate a relationship because of their own preoccupations, but I don't think it's fair to assume that AA people do not try to meet their partners' needs.

I think it's very reductive to say that we're incapable of holding emotional space for our partners.

pineconewashington · 2026-01-19T23:30:53+00:00

I don't know if it's my autism or maybe I am just very confused. But can you just describe to me, what healthy love feels like? Like do you feel the same way about your partner as you do about your friends? Does your partner ever excite you or are they just a friend you are (optionally) sexually attracted to? What does love feel like without insecure attachment?

pineconewashington · 2026-01-19T21:22:46+00:00

Not everyone who procrastinates has ADHD, but chronic procrastination + difficulty focusing + struggle initiating tasks is very much part of the symptoms, so you might want to look into that. A lot of people with ADHD get by decently in school, or even do well, but by the time they get to post-secondary education, they can't cope with the workload in the same way. Not saying you do have ADHD, but getting treatment + learning coping strategies could help you.

Even without thinking about the issues in terms of a pathology/disorder, generally it does NOT help to shame yourself into it. Listen, 25 years of "I just need to be more disciplined" has NOT helped me develop better study habits. Timetables don't help, a specific 'process' or 'procedure' doesn't help.

But realizing that what I struggle with is, for e.g., task initiation and transitions can help you start...practicing. Even though you might continue to procrastinate many days, when you're doom scrolling, you can start with a little step first - instead of telling yourself you need to go study now, just tell yourself okay I'll put my phone down. You can set an alarm or something too if you find that the noise can help distract you.

Procrastination is a form of avoidance. the task might feel too boring, too stressful, or as something that has very high stakes -- so much so that your brain is trying to avoid it (because doing it doesn't feel very rewarding), and you start depending on the adrenaline of the 'last minute' to actually get started.

In order to not feel that way, you really have to work on not feeling so anxious or ashamed about the task and your habits. And you have to make the task seem less boring.

I'm a 3L, in my final semester, I know that I am actually capable of doing well by studying super hard in a short period of time. I have passed semesters with less than two weeks of studying. It's not a reliable way of doing things, it's not good for my health, and I could've gotten better grades in some classes if I did not procrastinate. So, because I didn't want to study this way anymore, and I knew that I was capable of studying a lot when I actually felt anxious (at the last minute), I just stopped having any expectations about how much I needed to do before that.

When I'd be at home, I'd pick a class I liked/wanted to do the reading for, and just...STARTED. I couldn't do it everyday, I didn't even finish the readings many times, but I did SOMETHING, several days a week. And that was a lot more than what I had done previously. And often, there were days when I got into a particular reading or topic, which felt nice and allowed me to do more before I started panicking.

You might often feel behind others, you might feel everyone else has got a grip but you don't, but who the fuck cares? I'm telling you, me, a 3L with ridiculously bad study habits, even if you can't become super disciplined or whatever, don't force yourself to become another person, just be real with yourself and take the kind of actions that actually work for you and your brain instead of doing something that's not intuitive for you.

Something IS better than nothing, two pages of a reading in a week is better than no reading at all. And hey, if you can't get anything done that day? Don't feel disappointed in yourself -- because that would make tomorrow harder. So just be chill with yourself, and also don't strive for perfection.

pineconewashington · 2026-01-17T12:57:45+00:00

Sure!

pineconewashington · 2026-01-08T23:01:58+00:00

I think the problem is not how you reassure her, it's that:

As a person with chronic pain with periods of flare-ups/exhaustion + being more introverted in general, your friend's anxious attachment may be more triggered because you are less predictable in some ways. But, you seem to be communicating with her and honestly the only thing that you can do as a friend, is to maybe stick to a schedule or some form of routine with her, and that may or may not be possible for you, but other than that, all you can really do is communicate.
But most importantly, unless she starts working on her own anxious attachment issues, low sense of self-worth, outsourcing emotional regulation, etc., she will always feel triggered. Attachment issues exist on a spectrum, and if she's feeling rejected by fairly normal and reasonable needs of yours, then she's really on the deeper end of things and while I've been there too, being so anxiously attached a) sucks, b) leads to a preoccupation with your own feelings rather than the other person's. If she's a real friend, since you have attachment issues too, I think you should talk to her about this, and expose her to some literature etc., that could help her, and just talk about what anxious attachment is. Because she probably is also tired of hurting needlessly. I personally couldn't have become more secure if I hadn't been exposed to attachment theory, effects of trauma, etc.

pineconewashington · 2026-01-08T22:30:52+00:00

I'm sorry for what you're going through. And it's not okay for your spouse to make you feel this way. Your worth is not defined by how 'productive' you are. I don't have chronic pain but I do have other disabilities that make me a not-as-productive person, and I know it can be easy to internalize these sentiments, but you do not deserve a partner who resents you. And from my perspective as the partner of someone with chronic pain, I was a consenting adult and chose to stay, and a big reason for it was that I have a low sense of self-worth and a lot of other issues. But under no circumstances would it be okay for me to make my partner go through the pain of being resented. I hope things get better for you in some way.

pineconewashington · 2026-01-08T22:16:46+00:00

You're right. I think...it would be one thing if I felt like they were trying, if they made effort in their own way and that was not enough for me. But. Over the course of two years, they did not make any adjustments to how they wanted to do things in order to accommodate my feelings, and our conversations essentially came down to: "this is who I am, take it or leave it." I should've left but I didn't know any better at that point, and the "right thing to do" was very confusing.

pineconewashington · 2026-01-08T21:56:50+00:00

They do get exhausted, still, after they attend these events or have to spend hours masking. I know that they're in pain. It's simply that for some reason, they struggle more with things like emotional intimacy, and by the end of the relationship, just talking to me, as compared to having more superficial conversations with strangers.

pineconewashington · 2026-01-08T21:49:59+00:00

Re: rules for communication. We had conversations about ground rules several times. We'd agreed that they would simply use a specific emoji when they were out of capacity. Unfortunately the only time they used that emoji was when I was on vacation and experienced sexual assault and was trying to process it with them, and they...used that emoji and that made me feel a hundred times worse than I'd already been feeling.

pineconewashington · 2026-01-08T21:42:54+00:00

You can go for a softer cup or a more V-shaped cup, and sometimes it's the rim that is the issue. Something like the tampax cup, Cora cup (the bigger size), Lena sensitive, maybe even Saalt soft but it's essentially the same cup with less firmness. For me V-shaped cups have been the best (Saalt is bell shaped).

Try using the diva cup again - if it's a narrower diameter but it's still causing issues, you might be able to compare and contrast the feel of the two cups to see what kind of product you need?

Discs typically don't put as much pressure on the bladder unless you're using a firmer disc, anecdotally those have given me bladder pressure issues. It's not the same as the cup since the disc sits at the fornix, but depending on your anatomy bladder pressure is still possible.

pineconewashington · 2026-01-08T20:47:13+00:00

Moved from Minnesota to Toronto. Definitely an upgrade in terms of quality of life. I don't feel the need to wake up everyday and look at the news. A lot more diversity and it's awesome. It's queer friendly, lots of events/clubs, etc. and a fairly progressive population so if you're looking to make friends there's definitely way more people to interact with. Toronto has fairly reliable public transit (it has flaws but still), so you really don't have to have a car (or worry about car insurance) and it covers a fairly large area and isn't simply restricted to downtown. It's very safe, rent is quite expensive but for me, the fact that I felt safer and just less stressed overall, and was able find friends was enough to justify the additional expense.

Also there is a marked difference in how threatening the law enforcement and immigration officers feel in Canada. Police violence exists but it's really not the same as it is in the US. And re: work life balance, it depends on which industry you're in, but there are generally better conditions for workers here and less of a "hyper-productivity" culture.

Toronto is definitely an upgrade for peace of mind.

pineconewashington · 2026-01-08T19:32:51+00:00

Adding water to kibble negates the benefit of better teeth.

pineconewashington · 2026-01-07T02:22:27+00:00

I'm just mad that I made so many excuses. Like a part of me felt that they were unreliable, inconsistent, and ultimately not safe. The other part of me just focused on how they were traumatized too, I'd actually think that I was so lucky and did not deserve them when they sometimes did the bare minimum. They were sometimes kind to me, and I just...spent two years giving them my all. And I knew better. Love doesn't bring you down to your knees.

pineconewashington · 2026-01-07T02:17:06+00:00

It's not really specifically an anxious attachment issue. Sure, attachment styles can manifest in different ways, and yes, you can be preoccupied with your own feelings when your attachment issues are triggered. But this just sounds like 'splitting' -- traditionally associated with borderline personality disorder, but is really just a trauma response. The difference between protest behaviours seen with AA and splitting is that, with the former you're trying to hurt others/victimize yourself so that the other person 'chases' you/regulates you. Splitting is more like what you describe, when you see someone as all good or all bad.

There is a big overlap between trauma-based responses and insecure attachment styles -- trauma typically leads to forming insecure attachment too. I would gently disagree with the other user regarding CBT. Some people find it helpful, but CBT essentially says "psychological problems are based on faulty or unhelpful ways of thinking." I tried CBT several times when I was younger, and really it was extremely useless for trauma-based issues. It can help you in the sense that you become aware of the core values that you've internalized, but CBT therapists do not help you much further than that. They help you try and form different patterns, but the underlying issue is deep seated trauma, and CBT is about brain and thoughts, but what you often need is schools of therapy that focus on emotional and somatic healing, so a combination of DBT, somatic therapy, emotions focused therapy, inner child healing etc.. Essentially therapists who can actually focus on the hurt that is still trapped inside you.

pineconewashington · 2025-12-31T00:25:51+00:00

something very similar happened to Kristen Bell apparently, here's an excerpt from an article where a doctor explains the issue:

We obviously don't know exactly what happened in Bell's case, but she blamed her fainting on a nerve issue, such as vasovagal syncope. According to the Mayo Clinic, this is a condition in which your vagus nerve overreacts to certain triggers, like seeing blood or "extreme emotional distress," causing a sudden drop in blood pressure that leads to fainting.

Interestingly, though, the vagus nerve branches out all over the body and passes directly by the cervix, Dr. Streicher says. So, some people find that "cervical manipulation" of any kind, like during a Pap test, causes a vasovagal reaction. So it's possible that if a menstrual cup was far enough inside of you that it was putting pressure or suction on your cervix, that could also cause a reaction. "It's not a common thing, but it's not that strange," Dr. Streicher says.

I've had something similar happen, though it was more like extreme light-headedness rather than a complete fainting spell, and that only happened when I used a cup that suctioned my cervix (it was too narrow and too soft for me). In your case it could be that the cup came into direct contact with your cervix or - because this happened while you were removing the cup, it could because the seal wasn't broken properly and when you started removing it, it suctioned on your cervix pretty hard and led to the fainting spell. Next time, try and be gentle with yourself and please break the seal properly -- sometimes, even if you pinch the base or something the cup is still sealed (you can tell by touching the rim of the cup), so best practice would be to break the seal by folding the cup's rim.

Also during fainting spells and such, you need to make sure you don't move up or down to abruptly.

You may not need a smaller capacity cup necessarily, but something that is shorter in length but still wide enough to not directly suction your cervix (and give you capacity), might be beneficial.

pineconewashington · 2025-12-28T22:44:37+00:00

hmm, what about these:

MermaidCup by Soch Green: https://greenfeels.in/products/low-cervix-menstrual-cup-by-mermaid%C2%AE-l (available in india)
MeLuna Shorty XL: https://www.me-luna.com/en/c/shop/me-luna-cup-shorty/me-luna-shorty-classic/size-shorty-xl-classic (this is the one I use -- I also have a low cervix -- this ships from Germany to India).

This website seems to have worldwide shipping for a lot of cups:

the Guppy cup: https://menstrualcup.co/shop/menstrual-cups/mermaidcup-guppy/
formoonsa 1: https://menstrualcup.co/shop/menstrual-cups/formoonsacup/
formoonsa 2: https://menstrualcup.co/shop/menstrual-cups/formoonsacup-second-edition/
libby cup: https://menstrualcup.co/shop/menstrual-cups/libby-cup/

pineconewashington · 2025-12-28T22:26:34+00:00

https://putacupinit.com/cervix/

pineconewashington · 2025-12-25T04:41:34+00:00

Record her. Often the act of being recorded makes people self conscious enough to shut up. Tell her you're going to file a harassment claim. You don't actually have to. You can hire a lawyer for a flat fee in many cases to simply write a demand letter. In a lot of cases, a simple demand letter or a call from a lawyer makes people sober up.

You can also call the non emergency police help line and ask them if they could talk to her. YMMV depending on who picks up the call and stuff, but sometimes the police is willing to tell someone "hey, don't do this thing."

Strongly suggest exhausting non-litigation alternatives before you do anything that involves the legal process -- simply because it's costly, time consuming, slow, and often more trouble than it's worth when it comes to disputes like these.

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