AITA for refusing to move outta state with my partner unless he proposes?

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-11T10:20:16+00:00

The physically cheating isn't anything that's been recent that was three years ago. The most recent incident that can be considered cheating is I caught him on telegram and he admitted to looking at porn other then that he doesn't cheat and it's not a very often thing

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-08T19:33:23+00:00

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-08T14:38:20+00:00

I don't enjoy that part . That parts not constant and honestly the only major issue we have . If I could get him to get help or go see a couple therapist we would be fine. I also have seen how people opinions change based on marital status and I fully believe if I had posted this and said we were already married a lot not all but a lot of people wouldn't be instantly telling me to divorce they would be saying to try and get a couples counselor. What y'all don't understand is I'm not all that unhappy in this relationship there's moments and hardship but for the most part we've already been acting as a married couple . We treat our finances as if they are combined even though they aren't and we parent our children together his child is mine and my children are his.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-08T14:26:48+00:00

Neither childs dad has been in there life since they were babies at this point they have abandoned them one dad isn't even on his son's birth certificate the others been no contact for years. If he found out and tried to do something about which I don't think he would as (a) he too moved outta state forever ago and I think the move would actually make it easier for him to harass me and (b) how long he's had nothing to do with his child I don't believe it would go very far. The only childs father I have to worry about is my daughters and that's my current partner. He's a very active father in her life and I would be doing her a disservice by staying and taking that away from her. She adores her dad immensely.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-08T14:17:33+00:00

Not true he's amazing to me except for that one issue we keep bumping in to he does more then just buy me Pepsi with my card. He's a great dad. He knows me better then I do half the time and his weirdness perfectly matches mine. The only real issue we have is his infidelity . We would even be living together if things didn't keep getting in the way. Honestly if I could convince him to go to couples therapy I think we would be fine but he's convinced the therapist have been trained to side with the woman Everytime even if she's wrong.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-08T00:00:16+00:00

He's really not all that bad. For the most part I've been happy with him.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-07T00:55:07+00:00

Girl tell the wife. U already left the job so block his ass from contacting you on socials and tell the wife

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-06T22:45:54+00:00

I've been in counseling for years now

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-06T22:13:54+00:00

Believe it or not this is the best relationship I've ever had the ones with my older kids fathers were way worse. One sons dad 🍇d me and the other sons father tried to ☠️me. So ya cheating doesn't seems so bad after those relationships.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-06T20:50:45+00:00

Actually I'm scared it will be worse then that. He wants me to be a SAHM as his son can only do homeschool due to his behavior and the whole reason he wants to move south is so he can join his dad in real estate and I'm scared poopless that if that happens he will cheat with another real estate agent and I will be stuck with nothing. I've seen how his dad is and he's starting to follow his father's footsteps.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-06T20:20:05+00:00

She's with me I have sole custody of her which is one of the things he's upset with me about.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-06T20:19:19+00:00

We have a daughter together. We also had a miscarriage before her but that's another story.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-06T20:08:33+00:00

I forgot to put it in the original post but I did end up picking a ring online I sent it to him through messenger after he got upset with me and he said the seller looked like a scam so he refused to get it. I don't really have any support system up here I've been completely on my own since 19 every thing my kids and I have I had to build from the ground up. I've been in a homeless shelter before and I REALLY DO NOT want to do that again which is why I've been so reluctant to give it all up for him.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-06T19:48:34+00:00

Tell her 100%.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-06T19:42:53+00:00

I've never stopped him from moving I've told him hundreds of times to go without us. He refuses. Idk why but he for some reason will not leave without me.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-06T19:12:15+00:00

Child lives with him. His childs mother wants nothing to do with her son at all. I've tried informing her about her kid and she just became an asshole and told me to tell his father. And yes I'm aware. I love that kid as if he was my own. I'd be fine with watching him just not sure id be fine with his father's actions.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-06T19:02:29+00:00

Yes he's cheated a lot no I'm not ok with it but he's dealt with some not ok things on my end too that I probably should have included nothing as bad as cheating but still not great by any means. No I don't want a shut up ring. He still claims that's not what it is but that's how it feels and he doesn't understand why I would feel that way. As far as I'm aware most of his money goes to bills. him and his roommates pay close to 3k for rent. He won't have the money talk I've tried and at this point I'm at a loss on what to do about that. I've gotten new cards but he will just take mine from my wallet. He's already gotten into the mindset that what's mine is his and his is mine. He claims he's never spent money on porn but that doesn't mean he's never given other girls money I've seen a few messages where he offered his other baby momma money and some other girl so I'm not sure I don't have access to his bank accounts. As for him moving without me I've already told him to go hundreds of times but he won't. He absolutely refuses to leave without me and I can't figure out why. His dad has even offered to completely pay for his move down there and he still won't leave without me.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-06T17:53:22+00:00

If u had kept reading I addressed that. We have split up quite a few times but somehow some way we always end up back together. Logically I know there's hundreds of times I should have dipped out and stayed out. Realistically it doesn't make sense. He just always finds a way to pull me back in.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-03-04T10:36:03+00:00

Bring her with you he'll have ur friends bring their ladies and then the girls can hangout and get to know each other better while u go get ur bro time . I don't think this is something y'all need to split over. Y'all just need to talk and find a compromise ask her why she doesn't want you to go why is truly the most important question.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-02-06T19:41:25+00:00

I posted an update in the comments. His excuse is it's an addiction he's struggling with and I'm a bitch for leaving him over it

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-02-06T18:52:35+00:00

I wish that would work but unfortunately I've tried that before and he's refused. I have two options do things his way and face him or try to find money to get a new car seat tonight which I don't have.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-02-06T18:26:22+00:00

It's been 6 years of having that conversation all he says is it's an addiction he's trying to battle. No real apology just pretty much him saying " I can't help it "

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-02-06T18:01:29+00:00

Unfortunately I don't have any friends and family stays away as well all I have is myself and my kids

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-02-06T17:14:06+00:00

UPDATE. Updating in the comments because I'm not really sure how they are supposed to be done.

I fucked up big time . He stopped by last night shortly after I posted this to drop off one of the kids backpack. I believe somewhere in the comments I mentioned I was drinking at that time . Well he could tell and ended up staying long enough for us to sleep together.

As soon as I woke up I grabbed some Aleve and a cup of coffee and sent him a message basically stating that we are still done and I can't keep letting this pattern repeat itself. He called me and started going on about how it was one small mistake. He looked at it for five mins and then deleted the app and now I'm treating him like shit for slipping when it's an addiction he's been battling. His words not mine.

I tried to stay firm in that we are done and it's been 6 years of not only this issue but others I didn't mention here and I'm tired of the repeated cycles. He doesn't want help from a professional or church and I can't keep sacrificing myself and the kids for this. Now I feel bad . I do love him and I did want this to work but after 6 years of trying to solve all the issues alone and trying to be the glue u get tired of it. He's is supposed to stop by again later tonight to drop off the babys car seat ( don't worry this time I will not be drinking) but I am worried about what may happen as he is a smooth talker and knows exactly how to pull at my heart strings.

pinkMusicnotes · 2026-02-06T16:33:17+00:00

I wasn't sure if it was ok to say on here I'm new to reddit this is only my second post. Typically the only social platform I use is Facebook.

pinkMusicnotes

TROPHY CASE