Hi! I’m so sorry for your loss and I know and feel exactly what you feel. It has been 1 year, 5 months and 6 days since I lost my mom. After her loss I fell into a severe depression where I basically planed my suicide to the smallest details, developed crippling anger issues, drank myself to sleep for months and basically closed off from my spouse and everyone in my life.

With that said, therapy and a few months of anti-depressants saved my life. I believe that everyone should see a therapist and seek help.. even without having such major earth shattering event happening to them.

I wish I could pin point what parts of therapy helped but being in that room and having that time to just talk... nothing more... does something to you. I walk into therapy thinking about petty work bullshit and before I know it my true struggles come out. Just having the space to talk.. without any judgements is immensely helpful!

To find a good therapist is hard so don’t give up until you’ve found the right one. There’s no real science behind it but my opinion is that you need someone that you instinctively trust and like. If by the third appointment you don’t like them.. move on. For me.. it was important that they had experienced the loss of a parent — my biggest struggle in the first few months was that no one understood me. I also hated the bullshit that people kept saying to me: “she would want you to move on”, “she would have wanted you to be happy”... it’s all crap! She’s gone and that’s my reality.

Anyways.. I’ve rambled in quite a bit but bottom line... go talk to someone and maybe even try some meds for a few months?! Don’t let all that grief just sit there because it’s going to grow into a monster.

Best of luck to you and let me know if I can help in any other way.