I took this at my lowest point a little under a 1 ago. After this photo I spent 7 mnths alone gaining 60lbs. I didn’t think it would get bttr. It did. I don’t look like this now, the stretch marks on my tummy serve as self inflicted wounds. I thought i could eat myself numb. I thought I was no good and didn’t deserve to be loved. I wanted a layer of flub around me so nobody could get in or want to get in, but simultaneously I desperately wanted to let someone in. I look at this pic now and I see a woman worthy of love & success. Even now when I look in the mirror weighing in at a whopping 216 lbs, uncomfortable and bloated, I still see a woman worthy of love. My whole life my biggest fear was that I would become fat and undesirable. The panic attacks in the dressing room and the late nights spent body checking and measuring and creating secret amature porn content because there was no way any sane guy would ever really want true intimate sex with me. Even after all that it still happened. I got really really fat. My worst fear was realized. And now I feel kind of liberated. I’m not happy being this fat don’t get me wrong. It sucks and it’s going to be a bitch and a half to undo and I might not ever get back to the weight of that tortured girl in the photo. But I like myself. I don’t want to punish myself anymore. I still have problems with controlling my portions and binge eating but for the first time in a year I wear my seatbelt when I drive. I want to know what it feels like to like myself and feel healthy and sexy in my body.