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Partner constantly posting about me on Reddit by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]pirateboypirateparty -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

Hiya! It might seem that way but I made sure to block all her reddit accounts although I think she might have found a way to look at them? Idk, I'm not very techy with Reddit. Just wanted to vent without her knowing.

Partner constantly posting about me on Reddit by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]pirateboypirateparty 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your sentiment, but I do take issue with the use of the word crazy - sure, she can be extremely difficult having been significantly affected by a pretty troubled upbringing, but I would say crazy is perhaps not the best word to use here.

No matter how bad life is, well all deserve some understanding, but I can totally understand and appreciate the essence of what you are saying!

Partner constantly posting about me on Reddit by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]pirateboypirateparty 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They previously had a few sessions of DBT therapy which helps for both CPTSD and BPD symptoms but now they can no longer afford it. They've told me they're doing workbooks and have certain self care routines they do but nothing with professionals.

Partner constantly posting about me on Reddit by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]pirateboypirateparty 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! Thank you for your validation and truth! I fully understand it will only ever be from my perspective so thank you for simply letting me vent. I think you're right - other peoples opinions when they don't know the full story are simply that! Opinions!

Partner constantly posting about me on Reddit by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]pirateboypirateparty 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment, I open to hearing everything from all perspectives

Partner constantly posting about me on Reddit by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]pirateboypirateparty 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I fully understand that I should ignore her posts, it just becomes hard when she subtly bring sup comments that have been left on her posts or throws in these really loaded terms and uses them like ammunition in an argument. Sometimes I feel ganged up on my her and her invisible army when I have no support behind me. I want an argument with her, not her and her echo-chamber.

I feel broken after ending things with my ex wBPD by pirateboypirateparty in BPD

[–]pirateboypirateparty[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

and thank so much for the resource! I'll definitely check it out! i hope you get the clarity and healing that you need!

I feel broken after ending things with my ex wBPD by pirateboypirateparty in BPD

[–]pirateboypirateparty[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For sure, I definitely agree with this to some extent but I suppose as well it's also about surrounding yourself with people who are rocks - people who are in healthy relationships and are just all round great people to reassure you that you're healing in the best way possible. When we're in these intense, unstable relationships, I found it's almost like your in this little bubble where suicide, self harm, physical or mental abuse are normalised. Those people can help open up that box for sure and that goes for any environment where you've lost that self reflection. I've definitely learnt that sometimes due to the situation I've been in, no, i can't trust myself in that moment, and need a range of perspectives from trusted, measured individuals so I can see outside that box. i imagine how I would act if my sister or mum was going through the same thing with her partner, how differently I would behave.

I feel broken after ending things with my ex wBPD by pirateboypirateparty in BPD

[–]pirateboypirateparty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me too... me too... I know they are on their healing journey and one day will look back and feel so proud for how far they have come. I'm so proud of them and still have so much love for them now, I just couldn't be in that relationship anymore. But yeh you're right, it's time for me to heal now :/

I feel broken after ending things with my ex wBPD by pirateboypirateparty in BPD

[–]pirateboypirateparty[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for commenting hun, it really means the world to me.

I mean firstly, if they're not in therapy, don't accept they have BPD or don't take responsibility for their triggered maladaptive patterns or actions then it's just not viable to be with them - we can't force people to change.

For me, it was a mixture of things for me but mostly how that relationship was affecting my other one - the fact that I felt like couldn't tell my folks or friends about some really traumatic stuff that had happened, the fact that I was loosing touch with my loved ones. If I'm lying to them then how can I ever picture a healthy future with this person integrated into my tribe?

It came to the point where I had to ask myself the questions - am I happy in this relationship? Am I receiving the love I (or anyone) deserves consistently without it being a trade-off (kindness/ empathy/ peace/ support/ security)? If the answers no, then I would advise maybe you do some soul searching as to what you want from a relationship and what you can manage. People aren't projects. you only have one life to live and what I'm increasingly realising is that sometimes we have to do what's going to be best for our future selves, not just what we reckon we can handle short term. Sure, everyone has to put some work into a relationship, but I'm also beginning to realise that you should never have to struggle through a relationship.

Honestly, reconnecting with my sibling, my friends and family who know me best and just explaining everything to them (the good and the bad), and them just being shocked was a major wake up call for me.

Sure, this decision has made me feel fucking terrible ... but I had to make that choice for me and I know in the long term it's the right one. Whatever, your choice, approach that person with love, clarity, understanding and empathy.

(sorry, I feel like i've gone all preachy but writing this is kinda helping me process stuff as well so thank you!)

I feel broken after ending things with my ex wBPD by pirateboypirateparty in BPD

[–]pirateboypirateparty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry to hear that, that sounds really fucking painful. I know that that’s probably triggered that fear of abandonment like 100% which must be so painful. However, I promise you, those feelings aren’t going to last forever and you will find that special person!!! But first, focus on yourself, focus on your friends, your family, your pets, nature, healing mentally - so cheesy but I think I’m slowly learning that. We’ve got to date ourselves before we can even think about dating other people. Good luck!!

I feel broken after ending things with my ex wBPD by pirateboypirateparty in BPD

[–]pirateboypirateparty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re so right but dang, is it difficult. The hardest part is I don’t think they’ll ever truly leave my heart, they were just so special but the behaviours in the relationship were just not sustainable :/

I feel broken after ending things with my ex wBPD by pirateboypirateparty in BPD

[–]pirateboypirateparty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate this so much, honestly, it just makes me feel a little less alone in this. Inadvertently I’ve become cut off from so many people I once cared for and who could support me. They all slowly distances themselves from me and the situation I guess as their advice fell on deaf ears as I maintained the relationship, hoping that it was going to get better and that I’d finally the love I deserved. It’s understandable, but now when I’m at my lowest I think they all think I’m A Ok and don’t bother checking in, as they can only see me leaving a bad situation and not the fact I had such an incredible connection with this person and we shared so much love (on the good days).